"No sex before marriage" group

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Just Pray, Nov 1, 2015.

  1. Just Pray

    Just Pray Fapstronaut

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    This is a thread for those who don't do "sex before marriage" due to any reason (choice, religion, forced by parents, (insert other relevant examples here), etc).

    So yeah please introduce yourself, post your reasons why, and share/support
     
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  2. yosoymoi

    yosoymoi Fapstronaut

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    I would like to kindly recommend against this or if done to not make sex into a taboo thing, If it is some people will feal dirty having sex even when they are finally married. I used to believe in this when I was younger.
     
  3. Just Pray

    Just Pray Fapstronaut

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    It's just a support group for people in similar situations - it's not an exclusive group
     
  4. Alyosha

    Alyosha Fapstronaut

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    I can't speak for everyone here, but my view regarding sex before marriage is far from a "taboo" view of sex. As a Catholic, sex is actually put on a pedestal, to the point where Pope JPII wrote a whole philosophical work on it (Theology of the Body). So the idea is not that sex is "dirty." On the contrary, it's one of the most amazing, sacred things in existence, and by waiting until marriage we are giving it its due, rather than reducing it to a trivial, recreational thing that has no transcendent value.
    Just my two cents. :)
     
  5. zero01

    zero01 Guest

    I'm not against the idea, but what i've saw in my short life has almost made me lost faith in the whole concept of "marriage"
     
  6. yosoymoi

    yosoymoi Fapstronaut

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    http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/no-sex-until-marriage
    http://www.xojane.com/sex/true-love-waits-pledge

    also just know that you might not be sexually capatible. its a risk and I hope that you find the right girl.
     
  7. Just Pray

    Just Pray Fapstronaut

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    I don't see how it's a *risk* if both people are virgins - neither of them have had aex before so it's not as if they can just compare their marriage sex to previous sex they've had. It just goes back to making a suitable choice who to marry.

    In fact when it comes to risk, it's safer that way when you think about communicable diseases.
     
  8. iborntobefree

    iborntobefree Fapstronaut

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    I'm also catholic. For a long time I decided to stay virgin until marriage because it was told that this is the right way. Now I have a deeper understanding, even if I still have a lot to learn, and I'm convinced that it is better for both parties.

    As pmo can get to addiction, one can get dependent on his/her partner. By sleeping with each other, there will be a very strong connection between the man and the woman. It is meant to be like that, this is, which keeps the couple together in diffficult times. I think the analogy of a duck tape is very good. If I put a ducktape on my arms, it sticks to it. When I remove it, it hurts a lot, but I can still reuse it. The second time I remove it from my arms, it still hurts, but not as much as before. The 50th time it won't stick and also won't hurt anymore. It looses it's role as a duck tape. I think it's similar with sex. It is supposed to glue a couple together by all the hormones and feelings that are generated during sex, which may even be triumphd by a baby. If I have too many partners, sex won't be effective anymore and when I meet THE girl of my life, we won't have such a big help to keep us together when we face deep conflicts. Conflicts WILL be there, this is for sure.

    As JustAnother told, by not comparing my wife's "performance" to my previous "experiences" I can prevent deep wounds on both sides. We can learn together what works best and what should we avoid. We will have probably a similar learning curve, which won't induce complexes in any of us.

    It is also a fact, that those couples that saved themselves for marriage have a much lower statistical chance for divorse. Of course there have always been married couples that divorced, but the rate was significantly lower. This is another point where pmo and the highly sexualised society pays a huge price even without knowing it.

    Beside that who will pay my pension? There is no doubt, that most children come from families. Without healthy families there won't be many children. This is already a visible problem in most developed countries in America, Europe etc. I think it is a personal, social and economical interest to protect the families and this is an effort on the individual and a social level as well. My part is to try my best in preparing a good soil for my marriage, and I can hope that the government will also do his best.
     
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2015
  9. DisciplineYourMind

    DisciplineYourMind Fapstronaut

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    Another Catholic here!

    Like others have said, sex isn't seen as taboo, just as something special that should be saved until you can fully commit to somebody. JPII wrote some great things about sexuality, including "Theology of the Body", and also (a much less well known work) "Love and Responsibility". I highly recommend "Love and Responsibility" to anybody (even non-Catholics) who are looking for a great discussion on sexuality and relationships (both intimate and otherwise).
     
  10. DisciplineYourMind

    DisciplineYourMind Fapstronaut

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    I just noticed this in the new sub-forum description:

    "a subcommunity devoted to dealing with the loneliness involved with being celibate not-by-choice".

    Why should it be limited to not-by choice? What if you have chosen to be celibate, but are dealing with the emotional difficulties that involves?
     
  11. iborntobefree

    iborntobefree Fapstronaut

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    I've read both books, and I have to say, that Love and Responsability was for me even more theological than ToB. Although I couldn't understand everything, both books gave me a deeper understanding about sexuality and had a big impact on my views. Thanks to many teachings and also these two books, I could get out of the bare morals where I thought "sexuality is bad, because this is what the church sais. PERIOD". It is much more delicate and the church is much more realistic about it than many think. There are even natural methods for family planning the church accepts, even more, suggests. She sais that it is normal that there are situations, where it is not wise to get pregnant. And this is perfectly possible by synchronizing with the fertility periods of the woman. I know personaly several Catholic priests who suggests each new couple that after they get married, they have sex as often as they can. It is a nonsense that church is against sex.

    I hope my post is not too offtopic, as it's not directly connected to virginity before marriage
     
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2015
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  12. Just Pray

    Just Pray Fapstronaut

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    It's great that everyone's okay with the idea of this forum. Can we start to introduce ourselves (in general of course)? I am keen to see what other people's reasons are for "no sex before marriage". For me personally, my religion is Islam (chill pls :p )and I'm not allowed to have sex before marriage, and i wouldn't want to anyway because it doesn't make sense with me and who I am. I am 18 now and I hope I will be married at around 20 so that my spouse is a healthy outlet for me and so that I can remain chaste. In fact getting married is one of the biggest motivators to giving up PMO for me.

    Please share your thoughts - I'm interested to know what drives people to this concept. Peace
     
  13. I am 38, working on my career , live with parents, and I am a virgin, I will be for several more years. I still choose to abstain from sex till I am Married!! even when I get my apartment I will wait till I get married!!!!
     
  14. thanks for starting this thread!!!
     
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  15. I am catholic, living in moslem-majority country, so both my religion and culture against sex outside marriage. Aside from that, I personally against sex outside marriage. I do not live in western country so I dont know what happened there, but in my country, most of relationship with sex outside marriage almost never ends well. It is because suddenly somehow sex become the center of the relationship; becoming the very reason of the relationship. We know that it is wrong, because though sex is really important part in married life, it is not the only one important. Not to mention, unwanted pregnancy and sexual transmitted disease.
     
  16. Jae

    Jae Fapstronaut

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    I'm Jae. I'm 16 and celibate by choice and religion. It's pretty sad seeing all these girls around me suffering from past mistakes. We've had at least 2 suicides this past year from girls depressed about guys leaving them after they gave themselves to them.

    I know sex isn't some terrible thing, and not everyone has the same success (or lack of) with it. But I plan on waiting til I meet that one guy.
     
  17. DisciplineYourMind

    DisciplineYourMind Fapstronaut

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    I'm a 20 year old Catholic male. PMO is definitely against my religious beliefs, as is sex before marriage.

    Interestingly, the real motivation to give up PMO began once I discovered NoFap. Before hand, I knew that it was wrong, and doing it made me feel guilty. I would feel tired, depressed etc. but thought that was just my guilt tricking my mind. Realising that other people experience the same thing (regardless of religious persuasion), and realising that there are many physical "in this life" side-effects of PMO was the last straw.

    I've been doing the NoFap challenge on and off for about two years. So far I've not reached 90 days. My longest streak is about 14. Over the last couple of months my streaks have been getting longer and more frequent (several 5 or 10 day streaks in close proximity) which has overall had a positive impact.
     
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  18. Just Pray

    Just Pray Fapstronaut

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    These are indeed positive signs. But still be careful of your brain's "rationilsations", be on guard for triggers and don't get complacent!
     
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  19. RE:covery

    RE:covery Fapstronaut

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    Hello people, I am a muslim and remaining celibate until marriage. I found since starting PMO temptations to fornicate were more strong and I would think more about consequences to situations where I would talk to a woman, especially if they were instigating what you might call 'casual chat'. These thoughts were hard to shut down at first. but with NoFap it has become much easier, thank god.

    One of my main reasons for nofap therefore, and this may resonate with everyone, is that I feel it would tempt me to fornicate. And imagine the regret I would feel after fornicating, especially if I did not go on to marry this woman/ break her heart etc, if I already feel such a huge level of regret and almost depression whenever doing PMO as it is.
     
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  20. Kingskid

    Kingskid Fapstronaut

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    Cool man! Also 38 here and a virgin. Good to know I'm not alone in this pursuit of no sex before marriage. Nice to meet everyone on this thread!
     
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