NO sex drive on Nofap (19 yrs old)

[Donniehoofd]

Hello everyone,
So I have been on the "NoFap journey" for a little more then a year now, with a lot of small streak like 15 days, 25 days but nothing special. My whole reason to get on NoFap was because I was still a virgin at the time (I was 18, 19 now) and I really wanted to get laid. I was also a little depressed at the time and had very severe acne in my face. I was never a severe porn addict, but I masturbated to porn something like 5 times a week. I felt like I needed to change. I was so motivated to improve myself in every possible aspect. I did the cold showers everyday, meditated everyday, started living on my own, talked to girls on the street and in clubs, started working in a sales job to improve my social skills. I also read a lot of self-improvement books. I did EVERYTHING.
Now it is a litte over a year later and a few months ago I had a streak of 68 days or something like that, my biggest ever. That day I finally lost my virginity to a really gorgeous girl from my work. There was a big flaw though, because I could not get hard to save my life. I was as soft as a wet noodle. I was very ashamed, how could this have happened? I did everything I could to improve myself, only to find out that I couldn't perform even when abstaining for 68 days.
Scared that my dick didn't work anymore I fapped the next day. He still worked. Now for the last 2/3 months I have been on and off NoFap with a lot of small streaks between 10 and 20 days. I even started watching porn a bit again to see if that would bring back my sex drive (stupid, I know). The thing is though, I don't feel horny anymore. A year ago, even when I had never heard of NoFap and fapped regularly, I was horny all the time. I remember going to the swimming pool and I had to stay in the water because I had boners from girls in bikini's. Also at the beginning of my NoFap I had really bad urges. Now I don't feel anything. I never get random boners anymore and couldn't even get hard for sex. I don't even have urges to masturbate or watch porn. My sex drive is completely gone. I see girls that I know I find very hot and attractive, but still I feel nothing.
I got even more insecure when 2 weeks ago I had sex for the second time in my life, again on a streak of something like 25 days and for the second time I could not get hard. This is really freaking me out and honestly I don't even want to date girls anymore because I know I won't perform in the bedroom. I live super healthy, am pretty muscular and do everything I can to improve myself but I still seem to have erectile dysfunction.
Does anyone have any tips or insights that could help me? I would really appreciate it, this shit is pretty scary.

 

[WasZeusWrong?]

Hi, Donnie. I admire your honesty and even more all you've done, at so young an age, to be a healthy and sane person. As for the wet-noodle syndrome: I strongly suspect it's nervousness, not PMO (since you'd been abstaining for long periods). Thirty years ago (yikes!) when I was exactly your age, I remember having similar experiences. There was no Internet porn back then, but I still had a left hand and an active imagination, and masturbated a lot. But when I was with a man or a woman (yeah, I was trying to figure some things out), I either couldn't get hard or, more frequently, couldn't ejaculate unless I really "worked" at it by concentrating hard on sexy images in my head. . . .

 

[WasZeusWrong?]

I'm no expert, but I'd like to offer two suggestions just because I'm a meddlesome old man ;-)

1. Keep avoiding the porn. I'm not sure you need to stop M&O too, but we know that Internet porn wreaks havoc with out heads.

2. Though it'll be frustrating, don't try to get laid. Instead, concentrate on seducing a woman over time. Go on a date and start with kissing, but don't let it go any farther. Next time, maybe a little through-her-sweater action (while also becoming more comfortable with each other, to lessen nervousness). If you keep this up for a while (sorry for sounding punny), I bet you'll drive the woman crazy (in a very good way), and eventually I bet you'll be so hard that your zipper breaks, and the sex will be better because of the anticipation and build-up.

3. As long as you stay away from porn, don't worry too much about your sex drive. You're 19: It'll come back!

 

[BobbyD]

As for the wet-noodle syndrome: I strongly suspect it's nervousness, not PMO (since you'd been abstaining for long periods). . . .

I agree it happens to the best of us the first time.. sometimes the first few, sometimes so many thoughts go through your head that you forget sex is supposed to be enjoyed not stressful. Just think of it like this you got to the point of both of you having no clothes so there should be no embarrassment by now.. one thing I've always told my younger cousins because they seemed to be scared of girl, not saying you are. I would tell them even if you feel your to small to pleasure her atleast pleasure yourself.

I came to this conclusion that most men secretly feel this way. talking with friends i would always her them bring up about size and pleasing her with what they got. We're close friends and talk like brothers. Yet they don't know what im going through myself... i always felt you pleasure her as much as possible but don't forget about yourself!