I’ll get straight to the point. I recently turned 40. I am married and with 2 young daughters. My wife was a huge mistake unfortunately and the marriage is but dead for all intents and purposes. I cook my own food, wash my own clothes and dishes.. And I am the only provider in the family. About 2 years ago during a heated argument, my wife called the cops on me even though I never laid a finger on her. Since then I’m disgusted and repulsed at this marriage. We wanted to go the divorce route but then I know it’ll not be very good for my Children… plus I really do not want lose more than half of what I’ve worked so hard to earn. I cannot be away from my children.. I cannot have them grow up without a father or a mother. Plus, the fact that I love my children very deeply and can’t bear to be separated from them. I am a successful engineer by profession and make well over 6 figures and that one incident was the breaking point.. After 10 years or so of a very rough ride in the marriage.. With the constant bickering and clashes. Our personalities don’t match and even though there were periods of peace and compromises (which is when my 2nd daughter was conceived), over all it’s a failed marriage. My first daughter was conceived within the same month of the wedding 13 years ago when my wife assured me she was protected and wouldn’t get pregnant. Then when she got pregnant she wanted to abort and I begged her not to since I didn’t want to lose my flesh and blood. Thankfully she had agreed. Anyway.. Now coming to the reason for this post. I’ve been without sex or the touch of a woman for over 2 years now. It’s not like sex was great in the past.. It wasn’t.. And ironically I’m a very sexual person full of passion and lust. Needless to say, the only solace has been masturbation and porn. I’m not into extreme hardcore and things like that even though I have my fetishes. For example I am not into pain and bdsm and that kind of sex.. For the most part I’m into ordinary sex with a fetish for panties, assholes, sniffing that kind of stuff.. They are quirks I’ll admit.. But that is all I have at this point. I do not want to find sex outside of marriage. I have 2 girls and I believe in Karma.. And I strongly believe in a Higher Power. As such I believe that if I commit adultery or sin of that magnitude, the retribution would be felt by the family, which is unacceptable. But then physically and psychologically I YEARN for sex and intimacy… What I am worried about is how long I can be this way without sex or touch and if it’s even possible. These days I am more repulsed than interested in porn because I am preparing myself for the reality of leading the rest of my life without sex. So why go further down the rabbit hole when you know it is a dead end!. That sort of thinking. . That is not to say that I don’t watch and jerk off to porn now and then. I’ve kept a log for the past 2 years and It seems on an average, I jerk off about 20 -25 times a month.. 90% of that is with porn (and I have a huge collection that I download and watch). I really don’t know how to deal with this in the future. I’ve been tempted to seek prostitutes .. but then I’m reminded of my girls and stop myself.. I’ve been tempted to seek it with female friends, a few of whom - it is quite a possibility… but again.. I’m ridden by guilt and thought of my kids… I’m a lonely guy with really not much prospect of having sex. Is it possible for a man with such lust and desires to live the rest of his life without sex? Are there any side-affects to not having sex at all while a part of you craves for it? Any suggestions, advice and insights on anything I've written here and beyond will be greatly appreciated. Thank you and sorry for the long post.