NoFAP: A gigantic challenge

Before my current rehabilitation, I made one streak of sobriety of 180 days, one or two of 90 days and several shorter ones. These periods were by no means continuous but happened over a course of several years. Finally, I looked at my falls after these periods of sobriety and considered what each had in common. I was regular at mass, I went to confession, I prayed each morning and I read inspirational books by saints and inspired Catholic souls. However, as the number of sober days built, my prayer became less fervent and more perfunctory. My confidence built in my own willpower and my pleas to God for help less sincere. I didn't set aside time for prayer on its own, I prayed while I was doing something else like driving or walking. As I analyzed my actions, I realized that each fall, bar none, was proceeded by a lack of fervent, devout, prayer and a reliance on my own willpower.

Daily, fervent, devoted prayer is absolutely essential to sobriety. On those days when I feel confident and pleased with my progress, I now see those are the days that I need God and prayer the most.

 

Good decision

When tired by fighting against pmo we don't want to make any promise because to make a promise we must have motivation first. To have this motivation we have to pray. next time when you'll find yourself in the state before fall remember that your only help is to start then a regular and often prayer and when soon you'll be feeling enough motivation the next step should be a short time promise, always connected with prayer.

 

I dearly wish I could clearly tell everyone in just a few words what changed in my life to bring about this rehabilitation. I am certain that the quality of my prayer time was an essential ingredient but is there more to it? The more I think about it, the more things I see that contribute to my sobriety and the more humbled I am by my own blindness. Among other things, I can see several good people gave me sound advice and much needed prayers.

Quite honestly, I feel I have been the recipient of a miracle but I hope no one reads this and decides the same miracle is beyond their reach. I have yet to run across anyone who committed this sin for as long as I did and who then obtained sobriety from it. In other words, I am a bigger sinner than anyone I know. Clearly, I did nothing to deserve this miracle and yet God reached out and pulled me from the vulgar pit I dug for myself and into the light.

I think the book "Spiritual Combat" comes as close as anything to describing the realizations and the steps we need to take to obtain a miracle like mine. Clearly, the author is far wiser than I. All I can say is that even my recognition of the wisdom in that book must also be a consequence of prayer.

 

Every day we don’t commit a mortal sin or venial sin is a miracle of God’s grace. I’m trying to remember in prayer to give thanks to God daily for these miracles of grace; To try and view each sober day as a form of spiritual communion to prepare for sacramental communion where the greatest of all miracles takes place.

Everything is about communion.

 

It's a common experience. The nature reacts as if we were on a strict diet to lose weight. After the first fall it follows a period with massive overeating to recompense "the starvation time".

The only working remedy in "fresh'' fall is to increase the frequency and time of prayer. there follows a cycle: pmo - prayers - pmo - prayers - pmo - prayers - pmo - prayers - prayers and very short time promises - prayers - pmo - prayers and very short time promises - prayers - prayers and very short time promises - prayers - ...

Can you see? With time pmo wins gradually rarer and rare until a day when you start hating it so much that you will be able to have another long or longer time without pmo.

The worst mistake is to lessen the frequency and time of prayer _ then the fall will be deeper and much longer and even we can stop fighting for a significantly long time losing the hope.

The third alternative is to lessen the frequency and time of prayer but to increase our will struggle - this will lead to exhaustion and following deep pmo falls and at the end to losing the hope and giving up fighting.

What variant are you choosing? The choice is yours and the fruits of your choice too.

 

This is what happens to me prior to a fall, and I wonder if it happens to you also. I begin to lose my prayer habit. It starts slowly. I may even think to myself -"I'm doing real good." Then I may say to myself, "I'll just open the porn site." Then I may even say no and not look. Then the next day, I may start praying and then stop. Then I will start to get depressed. Then later that day or the next, I will look at the porn site. Prayer has stopped. Once I start, I cannot stop - the drug is flowing into my brain. Then I will be really depressed, so of course, more PMO and more dopamine.

So how do I get out of it? I go to confession and begin to pray again. The last time I fell, my heart was wounded. I felt very far from God. Then I remembered. God loves me. Even after PMO, God loves me. The more I have gone to confession asking for forgiveness for the same sins, the further apart these instances are.

So now I try never to put my weapon down. The rosary is the weapon. I never want to commit a mortal sin again so my plan when tempted again, I plan to:

1. Physically move away. (go outside, to the store, or anywhere)
2. Say: In the name of Jesus, I bind you spirit of lust and send you to the foot of the cross to be judged by the Lord.
3. Say: Precious Blood of Jesus, wash over me and protect me from the wickedness and snares of the devil.
4. Say: Jesus, Mary and Joseph, St. Maria Goretti, and my Guardian Angel, please help me.
5. Imagine something good. (a mountain, beach, your last vacation ...)

By writing this and reviewing the steps, I hope to have overcome temptation.

 

The same thing happened to me. When I started to get physically ill (a bad cold) my prayer life started to falter. Because I wasn't feeling well the evil one saw a chance to get through.

There was a time when I would never acknowledge that there was an evil one (the devil or dark spirits), but now I know that they are truly around. They are unseen and that is their strongest defense - to make you believe that they do not exist. We are at war. We are victims. However, we are strong when we know we are children of God and that Jesus died for our sins. I pray that you and I and all that read this stay strong with prayer and trust in Jesus always.

 

Though you have fallen, it seems you have fallen forward. God can use all things to draw us toward Him, even the devil's snares. I love this realization about keeping your rosary near to you at all times. Excellent post. Thank you.

 

God has a beautiful vision for your life both here on earth an after. He is patient, He will wait for you to get up from your stumble and walk further on the path to that beautiful vision. He knows your weaknesses. He knows your strengths and He knows how to use them both for your good and the good of each person you interact with. His love for you is beyond comprehension but what little we can comprehend of His love is to know it is even better than that of a perfect caring father/dad. Your are well loved my friend. Join us once again on the path, I will walk beside you as we both strive to know God.

 

Congratulations on reaching 40+ days. I’m well aware how difficult it can be at times. I had a near miss myself last night. But, remembering how wonderful it is to resist and how horrible I feel when I did not. Again, congratulations and keep strong.

 

Well done and may your resolve to embrace God with a pure heart grow and grow.

I read something recently about a priest who said, "sometimes we like to wake the old man up and tease him". The old man being our former sinful self whom we wish to be dead and buried. It is illogical, it is irrational, it is foolish but yet there are times I want to wake the old man up and tease him with some tempting image. There are so many good reasons not to go there, the one that is paramount in my mind these days is that I don't want to desecrate the sacred body and blood of Christ by receiving Holy Communion with a mortal sin on my soul.

 

What an absolute perfect metaphor for looking back at the old sinful life!