Nofap after breaking up with first GF of 5 years

Hey,

So i have been a member of nofap since the beggining of this year 2018.

I am a young man and Like many of you guys i have experienced the depression, social anxiety, inferiority and feelings of guilt/shame for my abuse of PMO since like i am 12 years old.

Since preteen that i have been very lonely and PMO has been over this years like the release of my frustration disabling me of actually change things in my life and to be more productive happy and actually have friends who i can rely and trust too.

But not everything was bad during that period of my life. For the past 5 years i dated my first GF with whom i lost my virginity with. She was there in every moment for the past 5 years. When i met my absent "father" for the first time when i was 19 she was there. She knows everything about me and i use to trust that she would be forever with me and together we would form a family.

But i guess life is harsh and recently she broke up with me, leaving me broken-hearted.
The reason is according to her "i still love you, but not as much". I mean i know that she wouldnt cheat on me, so there is not an interest of her in another person.

I guess the reason for her to decide do break with me was due to my insecurities about her which led to a overly posession of her by me.And i know that PMO has like 80% to do with my insecurities.

And for the irony of fate the exact same day that discovered nofap she broke up with me. Just when i could enter a new improved chapter of my life.

Man, now i just feel lonely af and broken hearted. I am so lonely that i actually have only 1 friend who i can hang out with. And i feel like due to my non existent social network i will never be able to find such a attractive woman like my ex-gf even though i am decent looking and intelligent.

Yeah and nofap isnt properly easy after breaking up. Even though i wasnt a heavy PMO user i couldnt manage to stay PMO in this 19 days. I relapsed like twice.

The demon always calls me when i am the most lonely

 

Thank you for your reply.

I guess that now i cant fail because i am so lonely. I cant afford to hurt the person who i rely the most, myself

 

Thank you for your words.

What hit me is that a major part of Nofap is to become emotionally stronger.

And yeah, even though i had very painful experience who shook my expectations about my future life , i have discovered spirituality in my life and became more independent/aware that i only rely in myself. Just like everyone else.

What worries me is that i will never find the woman right for me. But being PMO free makes me more ready for it, I guess

 

Thank You ☺

 

Should i look for a AP?

 

Can someone recommend me self-help books? The ones to get you emmotionally stronger

 

Thaks i will search for it. And audiobooks also.

Much love