Nofap and online dating

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by onix, Mar 12, 2019.

  1. onix

    onix Fapstronaut

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    Hi I'm only a couple days into my nofap but was thinking of online dating.

    One of the many reasons I PMO was because I was single and felt lonely.

    I know its only been a couple of days but looking for someone to have a connection with may help.

    I'm also going away in a few months time and will be gone for 3 months and a further 6 months after that (after a break)

    I want to meet new people and find that special someone but but is it worth it?.
     
    chelseabrooke93 likes this.
  2. MonkeyDo

    MonkeyDo Fapstronaut

    Online dating is an experience, I can tell you that. It's something you need to try for yourself to understand. I really don't recommend it very much. Meeting someone in real life is so much more effective, because in real life you can tell when there's chemistry or not. With online dating it's a crap shoot. You might go on a date with someone and find out you have zero chemistry and then you just want the date to be over.

    That's not to say that you can't meet someone who's a good fit for you. It just takes a while. You also have to send A LOT of messages. Send a message to anyone you find attractive. Because of the limited nature of online communication, it's harder to get a woman to respond to you than if you just go talk to her in real life.

    Honestly dude, I really think your time is better spent getting out to social gatherings and vibing with people, men and women, young and old. The people you have chemistry with will naturally be drawn to you, and when you ask them out on a date you can be more confident that you're going to enjoy their company since you've already established that you like the person well enough.
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  3. maxmayer

    maxmayer Fapstronaut

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    I used to online datings but now i am free from it and do not wanna go back
     
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  4. Long time ago I tried online dating I found it worked better for me to ask women out in person internet dating is not the best option for me I am face to face kind of guy
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  5. onix

    onix Fapstronaut

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    Thank you all for the advices. Im still considering it because I don't really go out anymore and I don't have any friends.

    But I have recently joined a gym so you never know.
     
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  6. very true you might be surprised when you go out into the public more someone special might just be around the corner ;)
     
  7. TrueSaiyan

    TrueSaiyan Fapstronaut

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    Hey man just want to let you know online dating is worth it especially when you find that right person. I've done online dating for a while and I have met a few beautiful woman that have helped me with loneliness and became my friend. I work night shift so I joined a Asian site to meet woman who have the same time zone.
    If you have the money and confidence to travel go and get her. Just stay away from woman who ask you to recharge they're account or etc.. Usually fake accounts if that's all they ask you. Just be careful, get to know them better day by day and she will be into you.
     
  8. maxmayer

    maxmayer Fapstronaut

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    maybe you just need the trully right online dating site to make sure you okay?

    by the way - like for gym ;)
     
  9. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    Online dating can be fun. Even when first dates don't lead to further dates, you can still have a fun time chatting to someone new for an hour or so.

    I've been getting heavily into online dating for almost the past year. One thing I have found is that you never know whether you will click with someone until you actually meet them, so it's far better to arrange to meet them very soon, e.g. after you have a exchanged a few messages back and forth, rather than spend weeks messaging each other. There is really nothing to be gained by spending ages chatting online. As soon as you think you might have a match, arrange to meet. If they are reluctant to meet so soon, move onto the next one and forget them, otherwise you can waste a lot of time. Some women just like having their ego boosted by chatting to guys online. Don't be one of those guys. Meeting for a first date is really simple. You pick a time, you pick a place, and you meet for a drink and a chat. Easy peasy. If they can't do that, forget them.

    I have found with online dating that there is a tendency to go on lots of first dates that don't go anywhere, so you need to be prepared for that. This is because it's two strangers meeting for the first time, whereas when you go on a date with someone you already know, you have more of idea of whether you are going to like them.

    So my advice is to go into it lightheartedly, expecting to go on a bunch of first dates that don't lead to more dates. See it as a fun experience chatting to new people, but be open for whatever might happen.
     
  10. maxmayer

    maxmayer Fapstronaut

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    probably you are right, that dating is just a fun
     
  11. Capt. U

    Capt. U Fapstronaut

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    I would try it out and experiment. It helped me lose mh virginity and gave me a confidence boost with woman. The only bad thing is that there are a lot of hoes on there, so finding "miss right" can be a challenge. Personall I'm taking a break from them at least for now.
     
    TrueSaiyan likes this.
  12. OnTheEdge

    OnTheEdge Fapstronaut

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    I have been doing online dating during nofap. Please take this account as the experience of someone who is attempting dating whilst in a battle with porn and not even close to any sort of reboot. Hopefully it'll be helpful in that it may reveal how porn can affect this process.

    I've relapsed countless times now, partly due to the online dating. I had a second date with a girl last night. I wasn't overly anxious, but the whole making an effort to go out and meet someone seemed laborious and I didn't really enjoy talking. I relapsed because I just kept thinking "OK, I have a girl interested in me, I can do that and watch porn and I'm not doing any damage to myself".

    She sat really close to me on this second date and kept touching my legs with her legs and at the end she went in for a kiss at the end. It was awkward because I was like a fish out of water. We just kind of pressed lips. She sent a message later saying we could "try again next time". All I keep thinking about is stringing her along until such time we have sex and then I'll probably lose interest. I feel like If my brain wasn't so fried, I'd have a totally different perspective on it. I'd put more effort into actually pursuing women that I want to be with rather than going along with a woman who is interested in me and meets some criteria. She is five years younger than me, has no children, still lives at home, has struggled with dating herself (due to having a serious illness in the past) and has her own business. It's like I'm marking her on how she can be compatible with my fried personality rather than seeing her as a serious prospect to spend my life with. During the dates, which consisted of going for dinner and then chatting over a drink afterwards, I felt really bad about myself. I felt like I was out of my depth and I spent a slot of time saying things like "I can't think of the word", "It's weird because...." and other vague answers to questions or struggling to keep track of the conversation. Last night, she lent in and said "Tell me what you're holding back" and I could tell she was really digging into me with her questioning, to find out more about me, and I was floundering.

    I also found myself overly judging her appearance, which I blame porn for. I was thinking things like "She'd look better with more make up on" and "I wish she'd wear a more revealing outfit".

    The problem is, I have a real struggle deciding whether I really like her or not - whether I am settling for her because it's convenient or whether I actually enjoy being with her. I don't even really know what it is to like a girl seriously or just doing this for convenience.

    So, in conclusion, I feel like online dating on nofap can be a good thing but only if you manage not to relapse and it is a serious attempt to improve your life. If you seriously want to meet someone for a proper relationship and become more experienced talking to people - it can be a good thing. Don't see it as a way of getting sex, don't use it as an excuse to relapse (like I have) and don't be afraid to try it thinking it's for people who have no 'game'. Women try online dating to find a serious partner and not all women like going to pubs and clubs to meet men, and some struggle to meet people in general for a variety or reasons. It's simply another way of meeting girls.
     
  13. Markony

    Markony New Fapstronaut

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    Agree with the previous answer. Personally I like the idea of online dating. For me it's the easiest way to find someone with similar interests and hobbies. I met my current girlfriend on Flirt.com a few months ago. She's the one I was looking for so long.
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2019
    1978 and OnTheEdge like this.
  14. BlueBalls

    BlueBalls Fapstronaut

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    It can work but it's so much more effort. I've dated and slept with a fair few women online. The last girl I fell for but she just wasn't into me as much as I was into her.
    I've now realised that I need to work on my self confidence so I can be comfortable enough to go out, talk to and pick up women in real life, and just leave the online dating thing behind altogether.
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  15. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut

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    How did you sleep with them online? :confused:
     
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  16. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    That's awesome! :emoji_grinning:
     
  17. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    You think so? About asking someone out as soon. My main goal there has always been not to be a creep, but also I've chatted for quite some time going nowhere or even dropping in 3 messages, and that whole experience is so dull.
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  18. Freerunning1

    Freerunning1 New Fapstronaut

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    What an exceptional post! As a woman who has been strung along by numerous men, I applaud you for your honesty.
     
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  19. BlueBalls

    BlueBalls Fapstronaut

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    Next level game ;)
     
  20. Online dating is fun and a good way to work on social skills - nothing's harder than meeting a beautiful woman you've only known through pictures and then talk to her for the first time. See it as a challenge. The more you do it, the more confident you will get. This confident will be transferred to "real" life when trying to talk to women in bars, clubs etc.

    Also, when unsing the right strategy, it's an easy way to get sex ;)
     
    1978 likes this.

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