NoFap and Psychological Disorders

Hey guys, recently I related my experience on my NoFap journey focusing on aspects of my bipolar disorder.

I have seen many members with various disorders, from depression and anxiety disorders, to others like OCD, attention deficit, hyperactivity, autism, borderline ...

I would like to share my experience and if you have any psychological condition, you can share with us what your struggle is like.

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NoFap and Bipolar Disorder

"Some days I can conquer the world, other days it takes me three hours to convince myself to bathe."

I would like to explain a little better about bipolar disorder.
It's been about a year since I had this diagnosis, but I've lived with it since I was 11 years old at least.

I like the old name more: manic-depressive disorder.
Basically, there are two phases, a depressive and a manic, which can last for a few hours or even years, it depends on the person. In my case it varies from 1 month to 6 months each. But recently it's been 1 to 2 months.

Symptoms

There are several possible symptoms, the ones that were listed are mine:

Depressive phase

• almost no energy,
• I give up several projects (to save energy),
• insomnia (I need to sleep but its hard to fall asleep),
• hypersomnia (I sleep more than normal, about 12 hours),
• no motivation,
• apathy (lack of emotions, words can not reach me),
• hopelessness (as if there was no solution to my problems and no end to depression),
• feeling that I can not do anything (accompanied by despair).

Manic phase

• lots of energy,
• I start several projects,
• no need to sleep or rest (body and mind do not feel tired even without sleep for days),
• more self-confidence,
• ability to do multiple things at once,
• invasive / obsessive thoughts,
• risk behavior (without measuring consequences),
• euphoria (feeling of happiness as if my life had been solved forever),
• illusion of greatness (feeling that I can do anything in the world).

In addition I also have a lot of anxiety, which helps create the desperation for not being able to do things during the depression. It also intensifies insomnia. During the mania this intensifies my routine, I spend sleepless nights wanting to finish my projects soon.

Each phase can vary in intensity, bipolarity can be controlled, some need remedies, others need therapy, and in my case I have learned to identify and deal with the various symptoms. - And I'm still learning.

Watch this as a game, the stronger the manic phase, the greater the hangover of depression. If you are in any of the stages, you decide whether to "go deep" or be moderate - if you do not have external factors.

So why do people choose to worsen their bipolarity by going deep? Ignorance most of the time, before I knew it I would spend months waiting for the mania to emerge, so I felt so good that I wanted to do everything, I would go beyond my limits, I wanted to be fast because I was afraid to end soon. I did not know that the bigger the mania, the greater the depression. Soon I caused my eternal suffering.


The Role of Pornography

PMO during Depression

During depression the levels of serotonin (happiness hormone) are very low, and I have a lot of cortisol (anxiety hormone). Everything my body wants is a little pleasure, and there come the high doses of dopamine (pleasure hormone).

I have little energy to do things, but pornography is easy even for those who are depressed. We are always a click away from paradise. Since I spend a lot of time at home in these phases, and basically do nothing all day, many, many hours can be devoted to addiction.

At this stage I spent many hours of the day searching for the "perfect video", opened more than 50 tabs on my browser, visited various websites. My friends say that I am an expert in pornography because I know so many sites, so many terms in different languages, websites, porn stars ... it was during these hours that I learned all this.

Probably I would be masturbating 3 times a day, this varies more by the level of anxiety than of depression. Usually depression leads me to long sessions of PMO, slowing to the utmost, to stay in that flight of reality.

PMO during Mania

During the mania anxiety levels usually increase, as I go out more and start new projects, but I am not hampered by the anxiety of doing things, because the mania provides me with high levels of adrenaline (energy hormone).

Since I want to spend my time on my projects, I do not spend as much time with PMO, which has its bad (or horrible) side. When anxiety or intrusive thoughts start to trouble me, I usually can not focus on what I need to do. What I do is go out for a quick PMO session that lasts less than 1 minute, it's like going out to piss and come back relieved.

At this stage the PMO sessions are much, much higher. About 6 a day, but I can get to 12 at worst. I already had problems because of this, some pains, and this forces me to stop for about 2 to 4 days. - Out of curiosity, that's how I started NoFap, I stopped for 2 days and decided to continue forever.

The biggest problem is that fast PMO sessions train my body to ejaculate quickly. Yes, that's the source of my problem with premature ejaculation. Or at least one of them.


Abstinence Challenges

NoFap during Depression

As soon as I entered the first depressive phase I thought it was my end of NoFap.

(1) NoFap requires a lot of energy, dedication and motivation. I created several rules that I needed to follow every day. How could I keep all this ingenious structure that I created in my manic phase?

That is how I discovered that motivation can't be the basis of the challenge, we will all eventually have dark and unmotivated moments, and we can not fall because of it. The solution is discipline, which is basically created by habits. Thanks to this journal I was able to write down all the good decisions I made, and follow them through the depressive phase, without thinking too much about it. I was already following the routine for more than a month, and the habit began to take root in me.

(2) Another problem was the problem of giving up projects to save energy. I always thought I should cancel everything and focus only on college and work because they are the only things that are urgent and essential.

I discovered that self-improvement is urgent and essential as well, that I just gave more attention to college and work because other people charged me, and when it comes to self-improvement you should charge yourself. If I keep stopping and starting over from scratch every time, I will never get to the end of the journey. Nothing changes in the end. It is necessary to continue, even if I do not have energy, this is as necessary as food.

(3) It is quite difficult to tolerate reality. A depressing mind has nothing to live for, it does not understand why it should continue to suffer when it can simply see porn.

It was probably one of the most difficult phases, to tolerate reality without distractions. But I felt free, somehow I got to see my problems clearly and even solved some. But the main thing is to be able to sleep with a clear conscience, knowing that at the end of the day I did the right thing.

NoFap during Mania

I thought I had nothing to fear during the manic phase. But there are several challenges, perhaps even more dangerous than in depression.

(1) Impulsive and risky behavior. Maybe I can control my PMO willingness, but there are other alternatives to dopamine, such as looking for prostitution, or just looking for P-subs "innocently."

Pornbrain is smart and will try to fool me, but if I pay attention I can know what he is thinking. We are both one mind, and if it suggests something to you, you can feel whether it has ulterior motives or not. And so I can separate malicious and genuine suggestions.

(2) Obsessive / invasive thoughts. One of the worst things is "psychological urges", this means that your body is not necessarily feeling PMOS urges, but your head is pounding thoughts for you to relapse. These are thoughts you can hardly stifle.

I still do not know how to get rid of it 100%. But meditation is important, and physical exercises as well. The last time I thought about going for a walk and meditating in a square, it makes me "get out of the cage" because my house is part of the addiction comfort zone.

(3) One of the symptoms of mania is hypersexuality. That is, increased libido. I personally have never noticed this since all libido was handled with PMO every day.

It is possible that this will happen now that I am in abstinence, if this happens I will have to resort to methods of restraining urges such as cold showers, runs, work out, meditation and urge surfing.


Conclusion

Bipolarity has fucked my life a long time, especially with regard to constancy. I always started and gave up projects, started to attend places and stopped months later, always with little assiduity and little depth. As a result I do not have groups of friends, I do not know people from the church (although I have gone in several), I know several things superficially that I never really learned.

NoFap is for life. And I'll carry this through the rain, the sun, the snow, the mountains and the desert, everywhere. It does not matter if I'm manic or depressed, I'll find a way, thanks to the knowledge I got about myself. Self-knowledge is the key.

Many here suffer from clinical depression, some become depressive as soon as they stop addiction, as there is nothing hiding their emotions from them. Many here suffer from various other psychological disorders...

Brothers, do not let this trouble you on your journey, if we have a greater burden, we will become stronger to carry it.