Nofap and self-hate

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by cleaningupmyact, Jun 11, 2019.

  1. cleaningupmyact

    cleaningupmyact Fapstronaut

    Ive noticed recently that whenever I lose streaks it has less to do with triggering and more to do with not caring about anything anymore (especially myself). It seems deeply rooted in self-esteem and self-destruction issues. I know that nofap is good, I know that I am feeling better from abstaining. I even have lists of all the amazing things I've accomplished without P. But when I reset/relapse these days, it is clearly a case of I don't care about doing better. There's a person inside of me that wants to see me fail, wants to see me suffer.

    What can I do about that person? The one that simply hates me? :(

    p.s. I understand this person best when I hear the Fleetwood Mac blues song, "Something Inside of Me" (great song)- the lyrics don't translate exactly, but the feeling does.
  2. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

    Perhaps its demon and uts always inside us, maybe u need religious attemp,, when last time u go to church/mosque ?
  3. over50

    over50 Fapstronaut

    I fully understand what you are saying and I am feeling the same sometimes. But I think that actually there is no second person inside of us - it's just our brains trying to trick us into falling back into the old habit. We need to be fully accountable for our own actions at all times. There is no mysterious second person to take the blame (and not bear the consequences).
  4. Agree. The problem is ourselves. We just have to improve as humans.
  5. cleaningupmyact

    cleaningupmyact Fapstronaut

    yeah, I was just describing it as a feeling of a second person. Its my traumatized self. I wish I could do something about that "side of me" to keep from relapsing.
    WanderTruth likes this.
  6. Luvspin68

    Luvspin68 Fapstronaut

    From what I’ve read, most men who have this compulsion are subconsciously trying to escape painful feelings. As you described, it’s usually very low self esteem, low self worth, shame and lack of love for yourself. It doesn’t feel good so PMO make you forget and feel better...... temporarily. But it doesn’t last. Most of the time these deep feelings are rooted in childhood neglect/ trauma. And you may not even be aware of it. Men have a good way of blocking things out. If you have the resources, it would be wise to seek out a CSAT therapist....... and work to identify the deeper issues. Once uncovered, it’s usually easier to work through them and let go of the shame and start to feel better about yourself.
    You are (most likely) covering up emotional pain.
    Good luck!!!
    Just know you are valuable to the world and worthy of love...... regardless of you past or actions.
  7. OnTheEdge

    OnTheEdge Fapstronaut

    The same thing causes streak loss for me. Something minor happens, I feel like the whole world is against me and i begin to self destuct. What has helped me is reading such books as 'The power of Now'. I started to realise the mind is responsible for all this negativity and it's all ridiculous and irrational.
    WanderTruth and Deleted Account like this.
  8. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    I am very familiar with the experience you describe. It is like a person inside me that wants me to fail. I experience it as thoughts or urges. Really, who can say where thoughts or urges come from? In my experience they just appear. I don’t mean that I don’t purposefully think about things. I do. I certainly often willfully cogitate. But other times thoughts just seem to enter my head. What I then do with the thought seems to be determined, at least in part, by my will.

    Personally I find the concept of a battle between good and evil to be helpful. That is, life is a war and these encounters are a battle in that war. I have two sides pulling on me. And I have my will which can chose between them. My will may be impaired by habit, but I still have some level of choice. Looking at it this way is helpful because I think there is something in man which makes him want to fight battles. There is something about not wanting to be bested by a foe which motivates us.

    I think what you are doing is great. I think having a list of positive things you get from no PMO which you review is essential. That is a way to remind yourself of why you fight. Even if you fall in a battle one day you have the opportunity to get up and fight the next day. The war isn’t over. The reasons you have for fighting are still valid. The enemy wants you to despair and give up the fight when you lose a battle. If you’ve been losing a lot of battles that is tempting. But I truly believe this is something we can beat if we just keep fighting. Each day we can get stronger by experience and reflection. Eventually we’ll win more battles than we lose and someday win the war.
    WanderTruth and Deleted Account like this.

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