Nofap causes emotional instability?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by thisisntmyrealusername, Nov 30, 2019.

  1. thisisntmyrealusername

    thisisntmyrealusername Fapstronaut

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    Been working on nofap for a couple of years I guess, and it hasn't been entirely clean. I have however gone from doing pmo 2-3 times per day, to 2-3 times per month on average.
    But I have recently decided to do a dedicated push to quit both porn and masturbation. My biggest issue with quiting MO is my emotional instability. I am a generally very emotional guy (far more emotional than what's normal for a 19 yr old guy), and when I try to quit MO it gets even worse. If I just avoid P, I get more in touch with my emotions, and more stable, but when quiting MO I get unstable. The following example is specific, but the emotional instability applies to most emotions as well.

    The biggest problem right now, is what most people wouldn't call a problem. I'm falling in/out of love. There's this girl that I've been real close with for almost a year now, but we've not been dating or anything. But I have had a small crush on her, which developed into being completely in love. I believe that she was into me as well, but we never talked about it. Drama occured recently, our friendship was shaken, and all my romantic feeling were gone with the wind. But we've recently been getting closer again, and I fear that my feelings for her will come back. I don't want them to come back, because I'm not sure that she feels the same, and it's not a good time to act on those feelings anyway. Here's where the MO comes in. In the past I would just have done MO, get "post nut clarity" and my feelings would've gone away, but I can't do that now. Instead I get super anxious to the point where my days barely work at all. How can I gain control of my feelings, and not fall back in love with her?
     
  2. Derrik009

    Derrik009 New Fapstronaut

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    You can't stop your feelings
    Love just come and go. You don't have power over it
     
  3. Derrik009

    Derrik009 New Fapstronaut

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    That s why it is beautiful
     
  4. Dagger323

    Dagger323 Fapstronaut

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    I do not think that stopping yourself from falling in love with someone is ever something that any of us have complete control over, including those who have been successfully abstinent and conquered their addiction to PMO. In your case however the emotional instability is a withdrawal symptom that nearly every hardcore addict experiences, and one that only time and recovery will cure. If falling in love with this girl is something that you truly worry about to the point of it affecting your streak or causing you to consider relapsing, then I would strongly advise you to keep your distance from her and not allow you and her to become close again—at least until you are recovered to the point of being emotionally stable as well as in the position to be in a relationship. And if your absence means she drifts away, then so be it. There are other girls. Trust me. Overcoming PMO is by far the most important decision you’re ever likely to make, one that requires you to be selfish at times and do what is best for you and your recovery. And if giving up one girl means you’re more likely to be successful with your NoFap journey, then that’s a necessary step to take. There will be other girls, there will be other times and other opportunities. Focus on YOU and your recovery NOW. Otherwise those other opportunities will be far less likely to happen.
     
    helpinghand4all likes this.
  5. thisisntmyrealusername

    thisisntmyrealusername Fapstronaut

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    This is the obvious answer, but I really don't wanna so this. Not because I think "she's the one" or something like that, but because she is my closest friend of all time, and I don't want to lose that.
     
  6. helpinghand4all

    helpinghand4all Fapstronaut

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    Your tagline is awesome dude!
     
    Dagger323 likes this.
  7. Dagger323

    Dagger323 Fapstronaut

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    Believe it or not, I was in a very similar situation with a girl about four years ago (right before I discovered NoFap). She was my closest friend and I also had deep feelings for her. She never felt anything back but I was too fearful of losing her friendship to truly let her go (or more accurately, I was fearful of losing interaction with her because I still had hopes in the back of my mind that it could work). We had a falling out after roughly the first year we became friends, after which we patched things up and sure enough I caught feelings for her all over again the minute we got close. This was also around the time my addiction to PMO was at an all-time high and I really was in no position to be in a relationship even if she had felt the same way. It was a vicious circle and kept me constantly miserable and in a state of disrepair for nearly three years. I decided that enough was enough and I cut ties with her roughly four years ago, something I never thought I could do. And I can say that it was the best decision I ever made (aside from NoFap). No more anxious thoughts about being close friends and having to suppress feelings that I knew would only keep returning, no more feeling miserable because things would never work out the way I wanted them to, and I was finally able to start focusing on myself and through that I discovered NoFap. It’s obviously your life and you’re free to do as you please. But I think we both know what the right answer is here that has your best interest in mind.
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2019
  8. Dagger323

    Dagger323 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks buddy!
     
    helpinghand4all likes this.

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