NoFap doesn't create girlfriends

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by cuddler, Nov 4, 2015.

  1. Danny Lee

    Danny Lee Fapstronaut

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    Let's go back; Do you really NEED a girlfriend?
     
  2. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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  3. melancholy king

    melancholy king Fapstronaut

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    No you don't, a mate at their best will improve you, at their worst they can destroy you, if that is seriously what you believe @cuddler then I think it speaks volumes as to what kind of person you are.

    You can live your entire life without anyone else, many have, and rich/successful ones at that. I would only encourage to get in a relationship if it will better yourself, otherwise you are just wasting your time.
     
  4. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    Yes I need a girlfriend, it is a basic need. You are full of philosophy.
     
  5. melancholy king

    melancholy king Fapstronaut

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    say what? I'm not even sure what that means.
     
  6. Danny Lee

    Danny Lee Fapstronaut

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    EXACTLY WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY, BUT I COULDN'T THINK OF THE WORDS!

    @cuddler I've seen so many people that are not in relationship thrive and live a really good life. What makes you say that a romantic relationship is a "basic" need?
     
  7. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    Sex is basic need.
     
  8. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    You will not die without sex, @cuddler ...smh.

    Obviously, none of us are getting through to you. But, it's your choice to live your life how you want, so do what you will. I warn you, though, if you don't change your perspective on this matter, you will learn the hard way that sex and/or a girlfriend will not solve all your problems.
     
    Haggis likes this.
  9. Haggis

    Haggis Fapstronaut

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    Sex is not a basic need. Sex is one of the basic biological drives in a human being, yes, but it's hardly a need. We may be full of philosophy but you're really starting to sound like a one note pony, mate.

    Think about what you're saying, it's basically been "I want sex or else" over and over. How many women do you think that's going to be an effective draw for? Some, perhaps, but I'd wager that those women have plenty of issues of their own. You don't want that, you want a woman with a personality, not just body parts. If you're looking for body parts then you're basically still in the porn mindset, you've just shifted it from pixels to flesh.

    Work on improving YOU and making YOU the best person you can be and you will attract quality partners. I assure you, there is way more to life than just getting the most notches on your bedpost.
     
  10. Framones

    Framones Fapstronaut

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    For me being a "magnet"not only for chicks but for people in general depends on how good you feel. I mean if you go out in a positive state (you can create a positive state treating yourself with kindness such thinking positive images and speaking with you in a nice way... Just Matter of exercise rly) then people will more likely to be with you. When you feel good you make people feel good and that's the goal: making pther people feel good. If you go out sad, not motivate with low self esteem then of course people and girls will stay away from you. Try to think in a different way shit up that voice that della you you can't do it and imagine positive images and dialogues
     
    JoePineapples likes this.
  11. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    Oh that would be really painful to have sex and find out other problems are not solved. What if I told you that solving any problem doesn't solve all other problems?
     
  12. JoePineapples

    JoePineapples Fapstronaut

    Abso-fucking-lutely, with bells on. Spot on mate.

    I think most of us can identify with the desire for a partner, when we haven't got one, and the desire for sex, when we're not getting any.

    What the guys on here are trying to do is actually get you both. But you've got to see the big picture. It's when you stop obsessing over something that it becomes available. Might seem a little paradoxical, but it's when you genuinely stop giving a shit, and work on the stuff that brings you joy, you start attracting the right girls, for the right reasons.

    I actually really like the line "you are full of philosophy", (even if it's not aimed specifically at me) I may use that instead of telling someone they're full of something less pleasant. Incidentally, it's not the first time I've been labelled a philosopher, well that's what I thought they meant when they called me "a bit of a Kant."*

    *Sorry, I couldn't resist. And that last line is best read in a South London accent, for full comic effect.
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2015
  13. Bobs-got-it

    Bobs-got-it Fapstronaut

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    I have found sex and looking for a mate has been very destructive for my recovery. Yeah it's a good feeling to be loved but for me I have to love my self first, that means being able to control my body and mind. Having a girlfriend won't cure your problem with pmo it will make it worse and cause relationship problems. There's tons of guys on here with wife's/gfs they all say the same. Just because you have the opportunity to have sex when ever you want won't stop a person from pmo.
     
    Haggis likes this.
  14. Haggis

    Haggis Fapstronaut

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    MASSIVE LOL :D
     
    JoePineapples likes this.
  15. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    Your whole philosophy is just "If you want a girlfriend, you are wrong."
     
  16. scote73

    scote73 Fapstronaut

    I'd say you are absolutely spot-on with that assessment.

    Anyway, despite what could be misconstrued as a harsh tone in my previous messages, I'm trying to help you out, my friend. Like @JoePineapples said, we're trying to not only get you a girlfriend, but maybe one who would like to have regular sex with you. None of us here are against you, we're in your corner!

    You don't have to listen to us, though. That is totally up to you. All the best, my friend. I genuinely hope you find what you're looking for.
     
    JoePineapples likes this.
  17. Haggis

    Haggis Fapstronaut

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    Not quite, man. Its not wrong at all to want a girlfriend, that's pretty normal and would honestly be a little on the strange side if you didn't want to find a partner. I promise we're trying to help you do that :)

    I think our point in this thread has been that you needn't obsess over finding someone purely for sex, which is what a lot of your comments have led us to think. Wanting to be a "chick magnet" and just wanting girls to be "naked" for you, leads me to think that you're just in it to get laid. If you're genuinely looking for a girlfriend, for a true partner, then just be yourself, mate. I know that sounds like a flip remark, but its true. Be you. Be the best you that you can be. Be happy with yourself and confident in yourself. That's the best way to attract someone to you. There's no magic pill or silver bullet that will make women want you, though.
     
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  18. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    I wouldn't say purely, but I want to find someone for sex.
    So your pilosophy is "If you want sex, you are wrong."
     
  19. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut

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    @cudder

    I want to share with you my experience.
    So far, it has been 7 months since I last had sex with a woman.
    The performance was bad, mainly on my part because I masturbated prior to that. Figures, right?
    Then yesterday I just interacted with 3 unknown females, at a meeting, after I abstained for 3 days.

    My mind is full-on sex, all the time (after reboot starts, even more). It does however give me this inner-strength to push myself over my limits.
    I am calmer, when I don't masturbate. I can take judgement easily, like you seem to do.

    Main idea is: no, nofap doesn't create GF, you do.
    Go out there and meet people.

    P.S: Women are people too. You can make jokes, smile and just be natural.
    This site isn't all that welcoming to people like you and me who just admit to themselves and to the world that yeah, they do want to have sex.
    Which is a normal and basic fucking need.

    Marriage aside, that comes later, we need companionship and copulation.
    Simple as that.

    Go get them, tiger.
     
  20. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. Finally someone like me. I feel like most people have the religious attitude "sexual urges are wrong". Or they are not religious, but still follow the religious tradition in a secular way and try some weird rationalizations like "being aroused by a woman is 'objectification'".
    My reason for nofap is to let my libido give me power to go outside and resist the social pressure. Fapping is so comfortable that approaching real girls is a unnecessary risk.
    If I find a good long-term girlfriend, that's good. If I find a girl, that just wants to fuck, why not?

    I was on 37th day of nofap, then 5 days of pmo.

    I met a girl in a train. I sat next to her. Then I wanted to see her better, so I reseated myself in front of her. She was looking at me, like why did I do it. I said "i'd rather sit here"(in my language). Then she smiled at me. I smiled at her, she asked me where am I traveling..
    We talked about sex. We smoked cigarettes on the toilet (I guess she wanted something more, when she invited me there? (Don't tell me she did, I'd have to slap myself.)). I got off the train on a different station. We agreed to meet up. She gave me her facebook. When I was home I tried to add her. She ignored it. Then we texted a little, and she responded less and less. And also refused friendship. And so I gave up. I don't know, if my facebook scared her, or she changed her mind. That is why I relapsed.

    Now I am on 2nd day. It's 12.11. So from the date I can figure out how many days I have. Even in december. On 30.12. I will have exactly 50 days. If I manage to find some drunk girl on 31.12., I would be the biggest hero on the planet.

    Btw. I would have a bigger fapping streak than 5 days, but I met a girl from high school, I haven't seen her for a long time, she smiled at me and I was completely inside my head thinking about what I am going to comment on some youtube video, I looked at her I didn't even say hi. Then she seemed disappointed. This was so weird. I realized I need nofap strength again :}

    It really helps. When I was on 30th and more, I don't know exactly. I went to some public discussion (? 4 important people talking, we watch them and sometimes say questions. I am not sure how to say in english) about radicalism. I sat next to a hot girl and talked to her until it started. There I found out about some discussion club about democracy and I went there even thou I don't care at all about politics. And I was very active in those discussions :D I have my own theories about how politics should work, I know +- what is democracy, communism, fascism.. but I have no idea, what is happening right now or about the details..
     
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