Nofap has failed for me

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Mattew, Feb 8, 2019.

  1. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    After 260 days i can say that for sure.

    I'm as depressed, sad, and negative as before nofap, actually, i'm really worst than before from this point of view.
    My relationship with woman is as low as it has always been (i've opened a thread on my hate towards women, to talk about that, because i don't want that, but it's against the rules of the forum), and i don't know what to do anymore.

    I'm more dysfunctional than before, more worried than before, and none of all the advantages of nofap has revealed true for me.
    The only positive thing is that my back don't hurt anymore, but i think it's just a mechanical thing from stopping masturbation (i'm tall, so it's probably a muscular thing).

    That's it, i was going to delete my profile, but wanted to write this thread before, just to hear some comments.
    I really don't understand why almost all people with so much days as me see some results and i'm only see myself getting worst.
     
  2. skibum71

    skibum71 Fapstronaut

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    Hi
    Long time lurker here, and signed up just to reply because this is a serious issue.
    PMO, I am 99% sure, is a consequence of underlying, pre-exsisting mental and social issues. A consequence. But somewhere in this Nofap hype, its got all mixed up to the point where people seriously believe that depression, social anxiety, deep lack of self esteem are caused by PMO.
    So what happens? People are fed these ridiculous stories about how Nofap will change their lives, and it almost never does. So they come on here, saying "hey whats going, im on a -- day streak and i still feel like sh!t"
    Then this mythical "flatline" condition is wheeled out - and people who i suspect know next to nothing about neurology start talking crap about dopamine receptors etc...
    I'll tell you what the "flatline" is - it is the continuation of all the mental problems you had before, plus the disappointment of realising Nofap isnt going to change a great deal.
    Im not saying it is always this way - but the number of people on here that get on streaks and dont feel much different needs highlighting. My longest streak was probably around 3 months, and apart from the slight relief of avoiding something that makes me feel worse, i more or less felt the same, I felt like shit.
    It sounds to me like you are suffering from clinical depression. Go to your GP and tell them how you feel. If they prescribe antidepressants, take them. There is a good chance they will help, a slim chance they will help significantly. Go to therapy. Establish what is making you unhappy, try to find out why. Talk about what you want in your life, and ways to achieve it.
    Having said im clearly skeptical about the benefits of Nofap, I do think this forum has a lot of good advice about self improvement - most of us are stuck in a rut somehow, and this community can at the very least make you aware you are not the only one struggling.
    Good luck!
     
  3. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your answer, i totally agree with your vision about nofap. For me it's mostly placebo effect.

    About me, i've already been in therapy, for about 10 sessions, but that's too expensive for me, and honestly it wasn't neither helpful.

    I've been into self-development book for 5 years now, reach some economic result in the real estate, but now it's going bad, i'm not earning enough.

    P.s. i've always thought antidepressants are just terrible and make you feel worst, but at this point, maybe i'll have to try...
     
  4. skibum71

    skibum71 Fapstronaut

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    I had about 4 years of therapy that was a complete waste of time, only I was too spineless to say "I think youre incompetent and this is pointless". Chances are slim you will find the right therapist from the start. Ive now found a guy who i trust completely. Id be very, very suprised if you earn less than me, my therapy is €80 for 50 minutes, cant afford it every week but i make sacrifices to do it every fortnight and it is really helping.
    What else are you doing to change things? The general consensus here - yoga/meditation, exercise and clean diet, NO recreational drugs/alcohol are a good basis for positive change.
     
    ReclaimedLife likes this.
  5. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    Yep, done and still do all those things. I never drink, i meditate, i do physical excercise, i run, and all the bullshit self-help bring you to.
    Never used drugs in my life, either legal or illegal.

    Honestly, i think therapy is just a waste of money, not only, i also think it's bad, it can become addictive. And therapists know that and take advantage on that.
     
  6. I can say the same thing as you each time withdrawals hit. Feel like things start over again. You can quit the forum or doubt nofap but do not get back to pmo. I have some faith in it still as I saw other rebooters reached 500+ days and stated they saw the light at the end of the tunnel.
     
    Re:Born likes this.
  7. ProtagonistOfMyLife

    ProtagonistOfMyLife Fapstronaut

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    I understand your frustration but nofap has never been a supreme all-cure. Just because you stop PMOing you won't magically become ripped, have a million dollar on your bankaccount and grow another 3 inches. Stopping PMO puts us back to square 0 (from -100). You now have to put in all the more effort in order to get ahead in life.
     
  8. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, but they see at least a tiny advantage in 260 days, i've seen none...
     
    PMOare4SoyBoys likes this.
  9. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    Well, you can put in the effort even without nofap.
    This said, just a smile from a girl in 260 days would have made me happy...
     
    Re:Born likes this.
  10. ProtagonistOfMyLife

    ProtagonistOfMyLife Fapstronaut

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    I feel you brother. But you are still young. You have no idea what will be in 3 or even only 2 years.
    I can recommend autosuggestions to you, try to conciously enjoy life, practice gratefulness, even for the little things in life, try to be positive and smiling yourself more. Girls dig happy guys.
     
  11. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    I know that.
    Well, i don't think i'm young. I'm in a age where most people are married with kids, i'm 34, i'm not young for dating.
    I've tried the thing you said for years, with no results. I'm just depressed for life, and you can't get any girl in that state.
     
  12. I made it to two days short of 5 months and had a relapse. On the upswing now.

    For me I was feeling pretty good and working on not being intimated by women and trying to start conversations with them. But even before my relapse my attitude towards women was turning negative once again and now I'm back to avoiding them. I don't hate them but I just don't see the point in bothering to try.

    When I was in my 20's men and women were friendly towards each other and enjoyed each others company. Nowadays women want nothing to do with being friendly with men unless they're interested in the man romantically. There is nothing wrong with opposite sexes just being friends but apparently in the 21st Century that's a no-no.

    -----
    I'm not back to my deep depression but I do still find it more comforting to be by myself instead of interacting with people. Once again back in my 20's it was totally different. I enjoyed interacting with people. Nowadays I don't care for it so much. Am I dysfunctional? I think yes. Not sure how it's going to change.
    -----
    I'm the same as you as regards to the back. It not longer hurts all the time. I had my relapse for a couple of days and my back pain came back right away. But since stopping again the back pain is gone.
    -----
    I feel like deleting my profile too. But I'm going to stick around because I've made a handful of friends here that I PM once in awhile.
    -----
    I'm going to continue avoiding women like the plague. They aren't any good for me, my interactions with them always end up pissing me off. Once again I don't hate them but I see no need for them in my life. I have a good paying job, I travel quite a bit, and have a handful of hobbies that I enjoy. A woman would add nothing to my life, they are not needed.
     
    Mattew likes this.
  13. ProtagonistOfMyLife

    ProtagonistOfMyLife Fapstronaut

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    Well depression is a serious thing. How did you try to combat it? Have you ever considered taking anti-depressants?
     
  14. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    Never, i always thought bad about anti-depressants, but i'm taking that in consideration now.

    Life is not enjoyable this way, i can't stand it anymore.
     
    Re:Born likes this.
  15. ProtagonistOfMyLife

    ProtagonistOfMyLife Fapstronaut

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    Life is beautiful, even if you are suffering right now. And if you make good choices, I am sure it will feel beautiful to you again too. Have you anybody you can trust to talk with on these issues? Like a friend, or a parent?
     
  16. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    Again?

    It has never been beautiful...

    I don't have friends anymore, my hate is getting worst in the last 2 years, i'm getting worst and worst, my hate is eating everything, myself and my life, and it's just overwhelming.
     
  17. backtolife42

    backtolife42 Fapstronaut

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    Hey, its sad to hear that you are still struggling after trying so many things, I agree with Neilus, that this might be a sign of clinical depression, maybe you should go see a neurologist about it, try antidepressents. From what I know, and keep in mind that I am no expert, but i have been interested in this topic, there are basically two forms of depression.
    1. The "real" depression, this is what you seem to be suffering from, where there is an actual imbalance in the way your brain regulates its neurotransmitter release. This form can be treated with antidepressants, even though it might take some trial and error to find the right one, since even with modern technology its hard to figure out which transmitters are actually affected. So there are a bunch of different antidepressants and you might have to try some, untily you find the ones that help you. I think neurologists also measure your brainactivity, to figure out if there is a part in your brain that is over or underactive, which can also be a potential cause of depression, but not too sure about that one.
    2. The lets call it "my life went to shit" depression, I think this is the type most people who report their superpowers here seem to suffer from (me including), where at some point in your life, you made a few too many bad decicions and you end up in a downward spiral where your life gets worse and worse, and you dont know what to do about it. So you feel like shit all the time, lack motiviation to change and start feeling depressed and anxious. For these people nofap is so helpfuls, since it is a first step in solving the problems you have in your life.
    I would recomend seeing an expert, and try antidepressants. I also think that therapy can be helpful in your case, if you find the right therapists, maybe he can help you figure out how you can deal better with the situation, or find some underlying psychological causes for your depression you havent figured out yourself yet.
    I wish you the best of luck, hopfully you find a way to deal with your problems.
     
    Re:Born and Mattew like this.
  18. Is your streak hardmode? Sometimes I feel I don't like talking to people when I I have huge brain throughout the journey. I feel your pain w/ 260 days man. What can you do other than wait out for the brain to get back to homeostasis which will happen slowly.
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2019
  19. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    Hardmode till day 160. Then i've been with escorts 4 or five times.

    Honestly i don't believe in this homeostasis thing etc. I just think it's bullshit at the moment.
     
  20. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    I think its safe to say that a lot of the stuff you read on this site is, for want of a better way of describing it, complete and total bullshit. This is why I always tell people to try different things and see what works for them, thats the only way to find what works for the individual. I personally do believe that NoFap can do a lot of good for a person who PMO'd as much as I used to, even without making any other changes, but thats because I have experienced it for myself first hand and KNOW it works for me. However, as much as I might want it to, I cant make it work for other people, and herein lies the issue with the site, or any "self help" site like this; its basically impossible to tell what can be trusted and what cant, what is true and what isn't, and to muddy the waters even more, what the motive of the person giving information is.
     

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