Nofap has just made me want to see Escorts

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Monk1415, May 20, 2019.

  1. Monk1415

    Monk1415 Fapstronaut

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    Hello, 24 yrs old male here, living in the UK, Asian, got a job, I'm a virgin too and have been on nofap for 4 years now.

    So as a teenager I never once desired to see an escort or even engage in real sex because of pmo, however when I discovered nofap at age 20 I guess that started to change, pretty much all these years my brain has been wanting another dopamine release and has been craving for the real thing, of course I've relapsed before but I have also reached day 90 quite a few times. As of writing this I'm on day 27.

    Nofap has helped me because it got rid of a lot of anxiety and low energy which I know was the result of pmo (I do still get anxiety and low energy but not as bad as when I used to pmo). So for about these past 4 years ive managed to hold off on seeing escorts because I wanted to make an effort to meet someone first before I go that route so I can say ive atleast tried. However I haven't had any success. Every guy I know irl has had experience with women except for me, their just not interested in me it seems.

    So I think Nofap for the most part has just been torture for me, making me crave a release with more hard times than good, however, ill never go back to pmo.

    So do you think I should give it a try? lose my virginity and maybe visit just once a month? im careful with how I spend my money so im positive I wont lose control and go more than once a month.

    And also to clarify I don't have a problem with paying for it, I used to but I think being alone for so long has changed the way I think, I don't see it as the easy way out I see it as the only method available to me. Also its legal here in the UK.

    But still I would like to know your opinions before I make the decision to go (which would be in June since I am a little occupied this month). Thx for reading.
     
    ring likes this.
  2. Hmmmm I'm going to say naaaaah

    By all accounts it's underwhelming, and can become problematic in many ways. I'm sure there are many here with experience in that realm who will have something to offer from their own perspective.

    Welcome to the forum! I'd honestly recommend just continuing to grind away. Do you crave intimacy as well, or do you just want a sexual experience?
     
    Monk1415 likes this.
  3. Monk1415

    Monk1415 Fapstronaut

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    Hi, thx for responding I appreciate it. I think for me personally its just the sexual experience. Im not really the type of person who cares that much about an emotional connection, I mean if it happens great but im not that bothered. Just wanna see what getting laid is like tbh, feel left out, and even getting made fun of at work sometimes.
     
    FX-05 and Deleted Account like this.
  4. Fair enough mate, it's good that you can be honest about that! So many people pursue relationships when they just want sex- I've done it, doesn't work out so well, hahah... I'm sure there will be other members with lived experience who can provide some perspective. Take care!
     
    Monk1415 likes this.
  5. Old Fogey

    Old Fogey Fapstronaut

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    I was slightly older than you when I decided to see my first escort (27 to tell the truth, and I'm also in a country where it's legal). My recommendation to you is not to do it. It can develop into an addiction of it's own, which can cause problems of it's own. It's also a gateway right back to porn. In fact, I'd recommend MO without porn as a way to eliminate the temptation to see escorts. If you can't MO without porn, then you're not really craving the sexual release all that much, you're just craving the rush. Trust my experience on this one. One day you will lose your virginity, you will have sex for the first time. And when it happens, you'll be thinking something like "Wait... that's it?" About the only thing that changed when I paid some escort (whose name I can't even remember) some money to take away my virginity was that my wallet was now lighter. That's really all that will change. Sex is about the most overrated human experience there is.

    You're better off to focus your efforts on meeting some girl who might actually be into it with you (that will almost certainly make the sex better when it happens). Until then, save your money. Start to value yourself. Don't just give away sex and money cheaply because "I wanna see what it's like". Instead, save those things for people and opportunities that are worthwhile. And if you want some tips on actually finding the woman to lose your virginity with, read this thead: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/loneliness-the-way-out.232185/

    Good luck.
     
    Kotn, tzusch, Ra's Al Ghul and 2 others like this.
  6. Monk1415

    Monk1415 Fapstronaut

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    Hey thx for replying. So after reading what you wrote about sex not being a big deal maybe I should just bang the escort so I can finally come to this realisation and move on with my life? because despite hearing it from countless non-virgins that its not a big deal its hard for a virgin like me to actually get this point without having done it myself.

    As far as meeting someone like I said in my original post ive tried to do that and it hasn't worked out for me. Ive tried approaches and online dating and nothing works, I read the post you linked as well and no offense but "talk to the girl next to you" is hardly good advice, Ive spoken to women before and it leads to nowhere. I guess my crippling anxiety in these situations doesn't help.

    The one big thing I do agree with you in that post is where you mention that people should try and find a solution instead of complaining of their loneliness countless times, I agree with that completely which is why im trying to find the solution and see the escort as being the only way. I think your advice is mostly about how not to judge women and different ways to behave if you actually do get interested in one, I myself don't judge, I just done get anywhere with no matter who it is.
     
  7. Old Fogey

    Old Fogey Fapstronaut

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    Your problem is that you're too desperate. I can tell that just from reading your post. You're trying to make EVERY interaction somehow lead to sex, and that's not how the world works. It sounds like on a deep level you still believe the bullshit that porn projects (i.e sex is amazing, everything else is worthless, having an actual conversation with a woman is a waste of time because sex is the only thing that matters). Let me tell you, I was exactly where you are. It led me into a world of wasted opportunities, an addiction to seeing escorts (that led me to seeing transgender escorts, risking STDs, thousands of dollars wasted and even risking my personal safety in foreign countries). This is exactly where you are headed. I know you'll tell me I was an idiot for doing those things and you're so much smarter than that. Well, I thought the same thing too.

    "Talk to the girl next to you" is probably the best advice you could take. For one thing, it will help you realise that there really is so much more to women than just sex. You'll get over your "cripping anxiety" (experience really is the greatest source of courage there is), and you might just learn something. Do this for about two years while consistently staying off porn the whole time, then get back to us with the results.
     
    Kotn, need4realchg, goodnice and 5 others like this.
  8. Monk1415

    Monk1415 Fapstronaut

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    So your basically telling me to carry on doing hardmode nofap despite going through almost 4 years of frustration with it? I just don't wanna carry on going through all that. I have good conversations with women in my workplace but it is on a friendly level and that's where it stays; im not angry about that. As far as meeting women outside of the workplace I just have no luck there. As I said I just wanna experience one time what so many of my friends have already done (a few of them have also visited escorts abroad but they don't have issues with getting a gf or having one night stands; funnily enough they also jack off to prn too). I thank you for taking the time to try and help me out but I don't think just staying on nofap is gonna magically turn normal interactions into something more with any women I happen to meet.
     
  9. The Dave

    The Dave Fapstronaut

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    I dont judge those that use escorts or the escorts themselves, in fact i think they should legalise it, but i wouldnt recommend it fella.

    Remember, vast majority of escorts would really rather be doing something else for a living, its damaging and demeaning for both parties involved and it aint the sex your after, its the intimacy, which no matter how enthusiastic she is you always know is manufactured.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. HecTormoku

    HecTormoku Fapstronaut

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    P actresses and escorts aren't that different, it is still fake because de don't get to interact with actual women. In both cases, watching P or having S with escorts, we're still ignoring them as human beings. We don't know what got them to be there on the first place or their issues, all we see is our pleasure, nothing else. So... no, bro. If you want to met an actual girl you need to stop needing their company to be happy. Develop your interests and keep moving foward.
    I send you my best wishes :)
     
    need4realchg and Deleted Account like this.
  11. Okay, so you already have friendly interactions with women at work, that's awesome. Find an opportunity to ask someone who you trust at work, how you can start getting to know girls on a deeper level. Women are this wonderful, enigmatic presence in the world but at the end of the day we're all equal, they're not a different species or anything. If you can find the confidence, to confide in a trusted workmate that you're lonely (make it clear you're not propositioning her,) and that you want to explore intimacy with another human but don't know how. That'll help, honestly. There are plenty of girls out there who don't want relationships, but do want the experience of intimacy.

    About 4 years ago I met a girl who was in a similar position to you, a virgin in her 20s. We met doing an organic gardening course and when it was over, started hanging out. She confessed that she didn't want a relationship at all, but found me attractive which is why she was hanging out with me. We awkwardly navigated the whole, how do we feel about doing the thing? issue, decided we were both on the same page, and proceeded to do the thing. I was happy because she didn't, to my knowledge, regret the experience at all; in fact I think she enjoyed it but ultimately it confirmed for her that she's not massively into sex. She appreciated that she lost her virginity in a safe space (she had some trauma from her upbringing,) and at all times had control over the experience. It's out there man, it does happen. It's just frustrating and it seems impossible.

    The reality is though, that encounter started through being friends and having mutual interests. You never know, one of the girls you talk to at work might think you're cute but is just as painfully shy as you are. It's weird, we grow up being taught that sex is taboo but it really isn't, it fucks us up to be taught that, but pretty much everybody wants to do the thing and every one of those people, at times, just wants to have sex and not be in a relationship.
     
  12. Old Fogey

    Old Fogey Fapstronaut

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    I don't recommend dating people at work. Sure, the girls at work are good to talk to, and good to practice your lines on (if the girl at work finds it funny, chances are the girl outside of work will too), but never shit where you nest. What this guy really needs is some kind of interest in life outside of work and sex. Some way to actually meet people he can talk to so he can get over his anxieties by working through them. The truth is that sex is neither taboo nor particularly special. Yeah, sure, it's a biological drive, but so is taking a dump, and nobody gets excited over that. In truth, the only reason sex was considered "taboo" back in the day was to prevent unwanted pregnancies. These days we have contraceptives for that.
     
  13. Monk1415

    Monk1415 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the feedback guys but ive decided ill go anyway. Will post an update when ive done the deed.
     
  14. Don't do it. worse decision you will regret it. Paying for sex is not ok
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  15. RemittedHermit

    RemittedHermit Fapstronaut

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    If you've made up your mind that's fair enough. I was much younger when going, so I'm not sure how it'll work out for you. But you've set your mind on going and seeing how it is there isn't much anyone can do to change that from personal experience. I'd say truly be careful with money, because that environment and some girls are basically really good con artists. It is true what some say, you may deeply regret it, or you may regret it and use it as a learning experience. The decision is up to you. Try asking someone in real life you trust for their opinions also.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  16. ring

    ring Fapstronaut

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    Your not alone brother!!! am 21
    No brother still keep nofap!!!
     
    goodnice and Deleted Account like this.
  17. My opinion is save your money, further embarrassment and shame, your health, personal safety and mental well being and stay-away-from-prostitution-traps.

    I speak from experience that they do not add to your body of sexual knowledge. The things one learns one must keep secret, because you can not recount an experience with a prostitute as if it were a past relationship, to anyone in a conversation. So your desire to be normal just like everyone else will be in vain.

    The truth is there are a lot of virgins, many more than you currently believe.

    And there's no such thing as normal. Special is what we all want so it's better to be unique.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 21, 2019
  18. Feed the Mind

    Feed the Mind Fapstronaut

    Hey Monk,

    I saw my first escort 2 years ago and now I can't stop visiting them, when you cross that line there is no going back, your brain will know that escorts are now an option, your motivation to actually develop yourself to become attractive will fade away because you can now simply pay for it and skip the hard work. It has led me to doing some things I regret, like eventually escalating to transexual escorts and having unprotected sex in a 3rd world country, people around me think I am so disciplined and responsible, they would have never thought me capable of doing this things and neither did I but this burning desire can take over and you become someone else.

    It looks like you already made up your mind but I hope you reconsider, seeing an escort is not a solution to any of your problems, your mind may be convinced that it is but you will be disappointed and regretful after the deed, you will feel dirty for having done it, I know I did, I couldn't wait to go home and shower after the first time I did it, I felt disgusted... until the next time I felt lonely and did it again.

    I hope someone had stoped me from doing it which is why I am posting here to try and convince you it doesn't lead to anything good. If you want a taste of how much of a struggle it is to stop, have a look at my journal.
     
  19. William Wallace

    William Wallace Fapstronaut

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    Please stay away from escorts. Spend this time working on your self improvement and you will eventually find someone who you can have a meaningful relationship with. Escorts are NOT the answer. I along with several others on this site have regretted falling into this trap. Feed the Mind is correct....once you cross this line it can become as addicting as any drug out there and the fucked up thing is that you feel shame, guilt and like a piece of shit afterwards. Stay strong!
     
  20. Monk1415

    Monk1415 Fapstronaut

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    Ok I've decided against it because I don't wanna get an STD. Thx.
     

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