Nofap is ruining sex

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by jerryck, May 23, 2019.

  1. Truth-Seeker

    Truth-Seeker Fapstronaut

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    Im curious if you are circumcised? I know it reduces male sensitivity. People make a strong case that its child abuse now, but I'm glad to be cut. I just wouldn't want to be any more sensitive than I am. Its an extreem measure but there are adult circumcisions done to correct premature ejaculation.

    When I'm about to cum early I think of playing baseball, which I have never played or really watched much LOL

    I'm on a 45 day streak now. I don't think sex has ever felt so good. Been together 5 years and went twice last night and again this morning. I'm lucky she is so willing.

    Leave the P behind for good. When you get back to your normal self you can address your other problems. I bet if you complete 90 days your energy will rekindle her sex drive to some degree. Woman ususlly reciprocate to the energy we put out.
     
    Last edited: May 24, 2019
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  2. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    May I ask if you mean that the sex you have now with your partner is better than PMO, or just better than other times you have had sex with her?
     
  3. I kno lw from my point of view, the sex is better with my wife than it has EVER been in 19 years
     
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  4. Truth-Seeker

    Truth-Seeker Fapstronaut

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    No I mean with her. Like it was when we first fell for each other. This was shortly after a 90 day drug rehab with no access to P. Possibly better because I was back on the P first chance. Maybe like it was when I was 17, I'm 34 now. Maybe even better than ever before. Not trying to get carried away but its hard to say really. My D feels more sensitive than before, I don't have this detached feeling anymore, I'm actually present, and more turned on by her. She is attractive but I was into some really hardcore stuff.
     
  5. That is great to hear.
     
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  6. IamOlive

    IamOlive Fapstronaut

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    I haven’t read the whole thread but as a wife on the other side of this discussion, I personally could careless if it takes just a few minutes for my husband to have an O now. We have massive amounts of connection right now and sex is the best it’s ever been in our 19 years. It’s also the quickest it’s ever been. Quality over quantity. Maybe spend a little more time upfront on her if she isn’t feeling taken care of. Or even after. Just because you O doesn’t mean it has to be over.

    Editing because I read your original post now.

    How much time are you spending Connecting with her? Like before you even get into the bedroom. This is something my husband and I have been doing a lot more. Not with the intent of having sex but genuinely connecting. Talking, emotionally being there, helping around the house, going on dates, flirting, cuddling and etc. I know it sounds silly but I’m telling you since we have done this I don’t need 10 to 15 minutes with sex anymore. I’m just as fast.
     
    Last edited: May 24, 2019
  7. Truth-Seeker

    Truth-Seeker Fapstronaut

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    So I read your story. It was heartbreaking to read, I am so sorry that all happened/is happening to you. I haven't finished reading through the entire thread yet. When I do I will post more there.

    I don't want to derail this topic but just wanted to say that I agree with all those who say leave him until he is ready to get honest with himself and you about his addiction. If you are thinking of what will be possible when he has recovered from his addiction before he has even admitted to having one your mind is in the wrong place. His best hope now may be the reality of losing you.
     
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  8. N0thing

    N0thing Fapstronaut

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    Go hard mode and skip sex for a while, sounds like you're thinking too much about o.
     
  9. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for taking the time, not only to read my story, but to also reply, it means a lot.

    I think in a way he has already lost me; I do not really talk to him or spend time with him. He is still in denial and I'm done emotionally (I think). All the fun we could have had, but he chose porn. He looked me in the eyes, promised to never hurt me again, and then went straight home and chose porn. What this does to a woman I can't even begin to describe. I'm not even a woman anymore, because what female gets rejected like this for years? I can't call myself a woman, I'm a joke.
     
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  10. You are no joke.

    As @Queen_Of_Hearts_13 says, this is his issue not yours

    My wife always says dont define your worth by the 3 percent bad, the 97 percent awesome is the truth

    Whatever you decide is okay with us, because its your decisions to make, we are here
     
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  11. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    Hi, thanks for your openess and sincerity.
    Sounds like your wife and you can talk about sex very well, way to go.

    I think any man can learn to last as long or short as he wants. It's just mental and physical conditioning.
    I usually aske my SO to indicate when it has been enough for her.

    Running has helped me build stamina and I focus on her enjoyment not my feelings. Hope that helps.
    Oh and of course it doesn't work all the time, sometimes I don't even feel an O coming and it's suddenly there.

    Seems to work the same way for her though.
     
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  12. DeepSeaDiver

    DeepSeaDiver Fapstronaut

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    I am surprised I haven’t seen this come up more often. PMO gives a lot of guys delayed ejaculation. The downside gets discussed a lot—guys can’t reach climax, you wear your partner out, etc... but the benefit to the partner could be that it allows a female partner more time with stimulation so she can reach orgasm.

    If you take away all the conditioning guys do to extend orgasm, most of the time, climax is reached within 5 minutes...sometimes in half that time. So what the OP explains is a normal psychological response.

    Advice.... this is a sensation issue. There are topical creams guys can use to reduce stimulation to extend the amount of time it takes to reach orgasm. (So you don’t have to stop and “reset”) You can also wear a condom, which most guys would agree reduces sensation. I know someone brought up medication. I don’t know if that was oral medicine or something else. SSRIs can extend the amount of time to reach orgasm.
     
  13. arethamorce

    arethamorce New Fapstronaut

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    nice comments to read
     
  14. HonestyMatters

    HonestyMatters Fapstronaut

    This is a problem my husband has now too. For the past 10 months he’s been porn / masturbation free other than a couple of masturbation slips but his PE is at an all time high even if we have sex a few times a week. He’s lucky to last 30-60 seconds and it’s extremely frustrating for me. I think he basically trained himself to come quick so he wouldn’t get caught. He never really edged. Unfortunately I don’t have any suggestions really. I was hoping to find some in your thread. I would not suggest masturbating to fix the issue as some have mentioned here. My husband also has a masturbation addiction so it’s not a helpful idea. Everyone’s different I guess. I liked the idea of the delay spray, we might have to try that. Also, something you could look into is Kegel exercises for PE. My husband has them there but it’s something that you have to be diligent and consistent with and practice everyday and to date he hasn’t been able to. Best of luck!
     
  15. WhiskeyNeat

    WhiskeyNeat Fapstronaut

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    I have never timed myself but I don’t last 5 minutes. I don’t know if I would call it PE or not but I’ve always been that way. I never lasted long, Not even when I was heavily using PMO.

    My wife has never said anything and I do ask her periodically about it but she won’t admit to any disappointment. But I wonder if she’s just being nice. Her libido is low every since having kids. Sometimes I wonder if she’s just glad I cum fast so she can go to sleep.

    Since starting nofap tho (I’ve been at this for a while 9days lol) we did have sex once and I came super fast. She even laughed! Lol. I felt like I was back in high school. I hope I too can find ways to last longer for her. I enjoy it obviously and want her to enjoy it too.
     
  16. Male38

    Male38 Fapstronaut

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    drink a couple of beers before sex, not too much but 2a3 works for me. now i can last up too 10 12 minutes and improving little by little
     
  17. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    Try condoms. Try usig a toy on her as foreplay. Try longer sessions where she gets you off first and you penetrate her on your second go-around. Try everything that you haven't yet tried, but don't try to convince yourself that you need to masturbate to satisfy your partner. You don't. Good luck.
     
  18. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    Reading another of your posts I see that you are giving up P but continuing to M. You also discuss edging. If you edge, the next time you M or have sex you will finish more quickly. Stop it.
     

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