NoFap Journal for LemonCupcake

ForYouAreWithMe

ForYouAreWithMe

Fapstronaut
NoFap Defender
Today I signed up for the weekly support groups after breaking my streak of 9 days. I really want to break my habit but it's become an extremely strong negative habit (have been PMO'ing for over 15 years and haven't managed to break the habit). I'm losing faith in myself because I didn't go to do work/reading yesterday night when I didn't feel tired but PMO'd.

I am trying to do a LOT of work learning Ruby programming and was super stressed as I had a lot of work left (but I was working on my laptop on the bed ). Next time I need to work on the sofa in my room instead so that I'm not tempted to PMO. Also, will not avoid going downstairs to see my sister and mum, who I feel emotionally dependent on still. Will try and accept my family and be myself around them, but still do what I need to and not feel ashamed of myself. I have been accepting of my father but still want to be more independent so have avoided going downstairs (I might see my sister who I am emotionally dependent on), when I really should go to get out of the situation when I get urges. I have so many goals I don't know where to start, I am already journalling every day so will have to limit this journal to small notes at the end of every day about goal progress/relapses. I have high standards to achieve more in my life but am not able to sustain my improvements for more than a few days. :(

Will try to keep up a longer streak from today and prepare for urges reading about others' messages on this forum. :)
 
I have tried and failed noPMO for a while and felt like something else is needed so I have quit other things on the internet and it's been a lot better and quitting porn recently has been easy.
I wrote this a few times so maybe you've already seen it but quitting video games, memes, etc has helped me a lot. They are unnatural stimulation that is just too much for the brain.
 
I have already quit playing video games 5 years ago. My phone use is crazy high though as is my Internet use. :(

I noticed that one month when I limited laptop and phone usage I did much better on my streaks. But I’m a developer so I can’t completely cut out my laptop usage. I think the key for me is to limit laptop usage after work to 1 hour, and devote the remaining time to reading. I have a book about history that I want to start (as well as a library of technical books). Technical books are probably a good time spend too, but I don’t want to burn out.
 
Reading is fine, as long as it's not of sexual nature. Working on a pc is also fine although it might increase temptation to use it for other things. You'll need to find some hobby or activity to replace your high phone and internet usage.
 
Today I had a lazy day before I start working again tomorrow. Working a little bit on an award meeting I have on Wednesday, but feel I can prepare a little bit more before going to bed. :) The work was not a lot, so I procrastinated getting started but I think I can definitely make up for lost time since the meeting is a few days away.

Will have to do some more reading today as I promised myself I would try to keep up this habit. It's sombre that I have to do these small daily routines and tasks, but I'm trying to cut out my ego and just get on with what I have to do. I feel like as long as I do my best, that's OK. So if I manage to spend one more hour doing work for the award, I'd be happy and this is realistic too. I met with some friends today and I enjoyed spending time with them. I also managed to feel lighter after having a deep night's sleep where I fully relaxed.

Limited laptop usage today, spent a lot of time with my family and feeling happy. Back to work tomorrow, but nothing to dread about that. :) I love my job and I love learning, so I enjoy getting into it. Have to be careful not to burn out though. Going to try out a 30 minutes pomodoro timer this time
 
Today I messed up. I felt relaxed when I got into bed, had cravings and lost self-control. :(

I feel guilty, but know the first problem is that I feel empty and lonely inside - and masturbating makes me feel better. I think realistically I'm going to have to improve myself, my social skills by talking to people, and do alternative positive habits to feel better about myself as an individual. I'm thinking of workouts and side-projects. :)

I'm posting on this forum because I am at a really bad place, the habit is extremely strong, and the only way I'm going to beat it is if I make some moves. I think I've made a good first step of owning up about my issues, and have the right intentions. I read a book yesterday and didn't go on tech too much after work either. I am really inspired by this community and will continue to fight on and read your inspiring stories to get me out of this rut.

I did good work today overall though, taking breaks, enjoying trying new things with Crashlytics, and integrating a new software package. :) I didn't use the Pomodoro technique, but I did take breaks after each bug fix.

I enjoyed going to my friend's house today - they were really friendly, and I felt independent driving my own car. I also did well today using Grammarly to fine-tune my content for the award meeting. As I'm living with my parents, I expect that I won't be fully independent, but I am going to adapt by making the most of my situation. I'm going to focus on what I can control: my eating habits, using positive self-talk, reading philosophy/non-fiction books and working on side-projects. My plan is to get so busy with my goals that I am too tired to masturbate, or simply don't have the time. :)
 
Failed. Again. No porn, but still masturbated. Was because I was stressed out after work and wanted to feel better quickly.
 
Today I was really happy because I received the award after all my hard work! Work is getting intense and I am feeling lazy. After a stressful day today, I sat at my laptop writing notes and spoke to my accountant. I didn't go to bed and also spent a lot of time downstairs because I was lazy - success because I did not masturbate.

I am still very unhappy because I am not able to relax around the house with my dad around (intimidation) and I ate a lot and didn't go to my room when I knew I should have (had admin to do). I think tomorrow onwards I'm going to stick to a routine of meditation for 30 minutes after work to calm down my emotions and get my focus back. Then spend 10 minutes downstairs and then go back to my room. I'm going to be strict with what I need to do and just get things done. 7pm onwards is me time - no fapping but other tasks like reading.
 
Got my accounting taxes sorted today, did good work releasing the v2 app at work, and managed to stay online responding to work messages. Tomorrow will focus on staying at my desk to respond to messages but do other work when there's nothing to do. I am doing well avoiding the bed with my laptop, and have been working on the sofa as I promised myself a couple of days ago. :) But I know the urges are going to come back thick and fast so will keep reading on this forum for 5 minutes now.

I also am happy I did meditation in the morning and the evening to wind down from the pressure. Am going to read a book about coding for the remainder of today - so I don't go PMO'ing.
 
Feeling good, had a lazy day at work and managed to have a good fun time watching Battlestar Galactica - fast-forwarded the sexual scenes and didn't relapse!!! The NoFap DDCC challenge I signed up for yesterday really motivated me to not give in to my urges. I am about to read a book on my laptop now before going to bed. Feeling great about today but need to stay level-headed because urges are going to come back hard soon. I had a meeting today where I hesitated to speak up, next time will just speak up when I have something to say as mum said. Really grateful for my life and loving my life.
 
I had a very chilled day today, posted on NF forum and reading a philosophy book which has improved my self-motivation and happiness. Not going to worry about other goals until I get my happiness sorted out. No masturbating today too, feeling positive and determined to get a long streak.
 
Feeling good today, did a good 3 hours of philosophy reading which made me more accepting of life, and also enjoyed myself with a good binge of cricket on TV. I spent most of the day reading and this really is helping me feel good. No fapping today either. :)
 
ForYouAreWithMe said:
Today I signed up for the weekly support groups after breaking my streak of 9 days. I really want to break my habit but it's become an extremely strong negative habit (have been PMO'ing for over 15 years and haven't managed to break the habit). I'm losing faith in myself because I didn't go to do work/reading yesterday night when I didn't feel tired but PMO'd.

I am trying to do a LOT of work learning Ruby programming and was super stressed as I had a lot of work left (but I was working on my laptop on the bed ). Next time I need to work on the sofa in my room instead so that I'm not tempted to PMO. Also, will not avoid going downstairs to see my sister and mum, who I feel emotionally dependent on still. Will try and accept my family and be myself around them, but still do what I need to and not feel ashamed of myself. I have been accepting of my father but still want to be more independent so have avoided going downstairs (I might see my sister who I am emotionally dependent on), when I really should go to get out of the situation when I get urges. I have so many goals I don't know where to start, I am already journalling every day so will have to limit this journal to small notes at the end of every day about goal progress/relapses. I have high standards to achieve more in my life but am not able to sustain my improvements for more than a few days. :(

Will try to keep up a longer streak from today and prepare for urges reading about others' messages on this forum. :)
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Bro...you have no idea how much I can relate to you. I feel the same way about PMO. I have lot of dreams too, but then PMO is making me an unproductive person. I want to be a friend/brother. I know for a fact that having friends to message helps a lot. I am thankful to have couple of friends. I want to extend my friendship to you man, message me. I am trying to learn javascript programming. I know Ruby and JS must be different. But still I think you will benefit from an accountability partner. Lets lift each other up.
Any one else reading this, it never hurts to have another friend/brother in this journey. Just message me. Opposite of addiction is connection.
 
Asgardian36 said:
Bro...you have no idea how much I can relate to you. I feel the same way about PMO. I have lot of dreams too, but then PMO is making me an unproductive person. I want to be a friend/brother. I know for a fact that having friends to message helps a lot. I am thankful to have couple of friends. I want to extend my friendship to you man, message me. I am trying to learn javascript programming. I know Ruby and JS must be different. But still I think you will benefit from an accountability partner. Lets lift each other up.
Any one else reading this, it never hurts to have another friend/brother in this journey. Just message me. Opposite of addiction is connection.
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Thanks Asgardian, really nice of you to message me. :) I think it would be great to be accountability partners, let's do that. I think it's great to maintain some connection (I don't have many friends tbh). How do you find Javascript? Is your next target a 90 days streak?
 
I'm feeling overwhelmed at the moment by the number of goals I've set at the moment - have got diet, exercise, reading, NoFap and journalling. I didn't manage to finish reading the book on refactoring I bought, but my streak has been going well as well as reading the philosophy book. It's almost like every step I take forward (like with my NoFap streak), or reading philosophy I am always thinking negatively. I am not keeping up work over a long period, so planning to work on just a few goals at a time from now on. Reading others' stories on this forum also helped me.
 
Had a great day today - didn't do too much work, bought the AirPods Pro with my savings and a key finder. Read about 20 pages of a philosophy book, caught up with emails and got a plan for my next Open-Source contribution. Had a good routine and faced up to some troubling thoughts with a positive rational mindset. No fapping today, really happy. :)
 
ForYouAreWithMe said:
Thanks Asgardian, really nice of you to message me. :) I think it would be great to be accountability partners, let's do that. I think it's great to maintain some connection (I don't have many friends tbh). How do you find Javascript? Is your next target a 90 days streak?
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man...I think JS is awesome. Better than fucking Java. Hmmmm ideally yes, man 90 days would be great....but my wish is to be prouctive for 30 days atleast.
 
Today I had an enjoyable day - went to a startup event and met some nice people to spend time with. I keep looking to my Dad for validation so am going to man up and start talking less from now on, and controlling my emotions. Enjoyed trying out the AirPods Pro I bought and Tile keychain finder. Did meditation for a bit after work and managed to realise that work is actually going to be enjoyable because it's challenging and new from now on. Worked on my Raspberry Pi side-project for a good 45 minutes and this was frustrating but fun (I think).
 
ForYouAreWithMe said:
Today I had an enjoyable day - went to a startup event and met some nice people to spend time with. I keep looking to my Dad for validation so am going to man up and start talking less from now on, and controlling my emotions. Enjoyed trying out the AirPods Pro I bought and Tile keychain finder. Did meditation for a bit after work and managed to realise that work is actually going to be enjoyable because it's challenging and new from now on. Worked on my Raspberry Pi side-project for a good 45 minutes and this was frustrating but fun (I think).
Click to expand...
Wow tile keychain finder.....does it work if I forgot my keys in the car and my friend has taken the car somewhere else? I was curious about that product!!!
 
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