NoFap longer than Jesus in the desert

More than 40 days past since I stopped watching porn and I did not edge for more than three months. I got married in May, but currently my wife is abroad and I haven't seen her for two months now. I must find a new job before she can rejoin me.
So here I am, mostly alone the whole day, struggling to find the drive and search for jobs, although this would improve my/our situation. And in the same time, when I go downtown to relax from time to time, I see beautiful women walking around and I feel attracted to them.

For more than 15 years now I am only interested in black women (I am 38 and white). For over ten years now I only dated black women, it feels so much better, I find them much prettier and I love their hair, the skin and how they smell, their dark eyes. Btw. I was only watching black girls in porn and the most severe ED I had, was when a quite cute white woman hit on me in 2016... wow, there was nothing I could do. It wasn't always the case, my first girlfriend was blonde and had blue eyes.
My wife is black as well, oh and when my parents heard I would marry a black girl, they wished me failure in all projects of my life. I told them, that if so, we should not stay in touch. We did not speak for a year now. I am pretty surprised and shocked about the way they react and have treated me.

In 2016 I met a woman from the US, she was black and beautiful. We had an affair, it was the best sex of my life, although I had PIED, but Cialys helped me out. We broke up in dispute after three months and she eventually went back to the US. She was not supporting me in any manner, she was using me, got invited for drinks and restaurants and I drove her ass around so she could visit the region she did not know. I had a deep feeling that she was using me, but I did not care because she was so pretty and I was happy to have her around me. I was eventually the one who decided to break up.

My wife is physically not as attractive as this woman from 2016, but we have a deep emotional relationship and there is trust. I know I can trust her and I know we can build something together. There is something much more profound.

But I feel lonely, she isn't even here and I still think about some women that have treated me like shit and I miss them. So I sometimes miss this black woman from 2016. I feel ashamed because I somehow mentally cheat on my wife who does not deserve that, and I honestly don't know what I would do if suddenly that woman of 2016, or some other attractive black woman, just as I like them, showed up. I just hope I could resist, but I really don't know and doubt that.

And this is it: with Porn and Masturbation there somehow would be lower risk, because I would have PIED and no sex drive.
The best would be if I find this shitty job so I can make her rejoin me. It is a very hard challenge. I feel inferior to my friends who have a strong will, beliefs and would not even think about cheating their wife. I feel ashamed.