NoFap saved my marriage and my life

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Julian Maurice, Feb 16, 2017.

  1. Julian Maurice

    Julian Maurice Fapstronaut

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    Ill have to start near the end of this story as I don't want to bore everyone with the boring backstory so here are the salient points.
    • Feeling lonely
    • No one to turn to
    • Parents passed away
    • Sexless marriage
    • Retreated into porn
    • Been using porn since a teen, now 48
    After years of not finding my wife attractive (now I realise it was porn that caused it) I had the opportunity to get away, a beautiful and smart woman and after months of flirtng we had finally planned a night out together.

    All was set apart yet internal conflict began building. The conflict between my morality and my warped sex drive made me search on-line for answers; should I take the opportunity to have an intense affair or should I stay in a sexless and lonely marriage? An affair would surely destroy my wife and kids but to be honest for a while I felt I'd rather be alone. I was in a bad way so an affair seemed a convenient way out. If caught I'd leave. I had begun looking for intimacy outside my marriage for a while and here was my chance. Only problem my wife, who I no longer found attractive, was a wonderful mother and I knew she still loved me very much, an affair would destroy her and the fallout would damage my kids.

    Then I stumbled upon NoFap and thought 'maybe if I quit porn I'll get some self-respect, some clarity so I took the plunge, I even went into monk mode.

    I'm sorry to say Monk mode hasn't fully worked for me, I experienced a lot of pain at around 5-days that I just couldn't bear so I do sort that out when necessary, but as for porn, it's gone and I'm in semi monk mode! Only getting relief when absolutely necessary.

    Anyway results, if I told you that my character and my situation has totally changed in just 4-weeks you may not believe me but things have totally transformed.

    The one big thing that's changed is my courage, courage to confront issues head on rather than letting things fester.

    After about a week of no porn I felt an overwhelming feeling that I was no longer prepared to have a crap marriage, I ranked up my fitness training. Week 2 I told my wife I wasn't happy in our marriage and that things needed to change.

    Week 3 I picked up the courage to tell the attractive potential mistress that I couldn't put her into a complicated situation and finished things before they went too far and got the courage to confront my wife about our intimacy issues. I have given one woman the freedom to find a proper partner rather then a sad married man and another wonderful woman a loving husband who finds her beautiful again. It was like years of depression and guilt had suddenly been lifted. After initially being very angry, my wife just realised that all I wanted was some intimacy and fun in our lives and that I wasn't prepared to compromise any more, she then acknowledged my bravery and honesty and began to make changes.

    So week 4 after starting NoFap my wife and I have had more sex than we have in the last 2-years, I find her attractive and sexy again and we have planned several dates, things are well on the mend. We are a team and the love we had years ago is returning faster than I could possibly imagine.

    My confidence has gone through the roof and I feel self-assured. I gained the confidence and courage to end an affair before it started while at the same time gaining the clarity of thought to confront years of being miserable in marriage by not accepting it for a moment longer. I no longer look at women as sex objects but as people, I also know how to control my sex drive and channel the energy into appreciation and respect, strangely it's incredibly sexy.

    I have become the man I want to be and have happiness in my heart for the first time in years. These are still early days but after just 4 weeks my life has totally turned around. It's unbelievable.

    My version of the NoFap lifestyle is fixed, no porn, no unnecessary masterbation and no repressed feelings. No more being ashamed, no more disgusting attitude towards women and no more compromising.

    I never would have believed how quickly things could change once the decision to quit porn had been made. You have my eternal gratitude.
     
  2. MeTP

    MeTP Fapstronaut

    Keep going bro! You uplifted me much !
     
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  3. fappillow1

    fappillow1 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot for sharing, ment tons to me!
     
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  4. Paleblood

    Paleblood Fapstronaut

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    Great story, goes to show its never to late to change. Proud of you brother.
     
  5. Thank you for telling your story!
     
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  6. BreakTheChains

    BreakTheChains Fapstronaut

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    I'm very happy for you man. You have become a strong person and a better man. I believe it's our job to have a moral code, to provide and to protect. You've demonstrated all of those things exceptionally and as you know, that feels incredibly liberating and empowering! Well done. Thanks for sharing.
     
  7. This is so great congratulations!!!
     
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  8. Jon Ray

    Jon Ray Fapstronaut

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    Great story , this has inspired me!
     
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  9. InspiredWandsworth

    InspiredWandsworth Fapstronaut

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  10. Aube

    Aube Fapstronaut

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    That is a very encouraging post for SO of someone addicted to porn. Thank you for that.
     
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  11. Julian Maurice

    Julian Maurice Fapstronaut

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    Aub, as soon as you realise how damaging porn is, it's easy to quit. Using imagination and appreciating a real woman is so much better than watching porn.

    If you are married I would strongly recommend coming clean once you are a week in, if your wife loves you, the effect is instant. It opens honest dialogue and must be a huge turn on, as your woman realises the power she could have over you. All I wanted was a decent sex life and intimacy in my marriage, both occurred pretty much as soon as I quit porn. (That and a massive case of blue balls...Small price to pay trust me).
     
  12. Aube

    Aube Fapstronaut

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    I am actually the wife of the porn addict. Your post was encouraging and gives me the smallest glimmer of hope that there is a possibility of light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe one day my husband will see it that way as well.
     
  13. Julian Maurice

    Julian Maurice Fapstronaut

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    Dear Aub,

    It's impossible for me to give you qualified advice but I really feel for you.

    As someone who has been going through the internal conflict, the trigger for me to get things sorted out was my Mothers death. After losing both parents it made me reflect upon my own life, at which point I just couldn't bear a life without intimacy and I wanted my sex life back, I wanted a great marriage not a medocre one.

    If you want to initiate change then it involves honesty, if your husband wants to hide away and watch porn why not attack things head on and seek the help of a sex thrapist. If he won't take the initiative someone has to otherwise change won't happen.

    Once again, I am sorry porn is effecting your life, I sincerely hope you and your husband find a way out.
     
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  14. Aube

    Aube Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, Julian. We are only in the beginning stages of trying to fix it as I only discovered this is an issue several months ago. In hindsight though, it was obvious before I was even with my husband (5yrs). We've started with a therapist but for now sex is not even on the table (for me) as I feel deeply betrayed and lied to for the entirety of our relationship and thus, am having a hard time touching him. We've been talking a lot of separation because at moments this seems insurmountable, however, we have a young child and the threads of our lives are so intertwined that for the moment we think it's better to try. Some days are really hard and my anger is almost too much for him to bear and other days we can see each Other. I also want a good marriage but mine has always been mediocre and the good thing that has come out of this discovery of my husbands addiction is that now he can see the problem instead of being complacent (both of us were complacent) in the day to day of a mediocre marriage.
     
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  15. Julian Maurice

    Julian Maurice Fapstronaut

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    Aub,

    Your marriage doesn't sound any different to mine, except ours had been running on mediocre for 11-years.

    I can only speak from my own perspective, but the fact my wife seemed angry all the time was one of the reasons I turned to porn. We all need intimacy and if we can't get it we tend to look elsewhere.

    Sure porn is disgusting, but perhaps it's the only thing your husband could turn to. Its easy to become an addiction, but for me it was as simple as saying 'I would rather be alone and miserable than be stuck in a miserable marriage' and saying it to my wife and the whole thing came to an end. I didn't want to watch porn anymore, I wanted the real thing, I wanted to have an intimate marriage where sex played a part. Sure we still have to do the dishes and Hoover the house, but having that time together where we can let go and have some fun is a must. Life it too short to compromise.

    Anyway it's easy for me to tell you how amazing it has been for me. I know what you're going through, but please try not to be so tough on your husband he's only a man, and we are definitely the weaker sex. You have to forgive him for being a man and find the things in him that made you fall in love in the first place. Porn is just a sideline, it can be fixed I'm sure. I'm sure he, like me would much prefer the real thing if it was offered in the right way.

    Please don't get offended when I say that it takes two to tango, the situation can't be all his fault.

    I hope you can get the situation resolved. If I can offer any help I will respond to any post here,

    Jx
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2017
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  16. Pursuit__Of__Happiness

    Pursuit__Of__Happiness Fapstronaut

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    Oh man.. you won my love and respect. Simply beautiful. It touched my heart. I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart that you feel this awesomeness within throughout your life. Buddy, promise yourself, you are never gonna allow anything, no matter what, to distract you from being your best self, a place where you can finally be a peace. Lust is temporary, but Love is eternal. Embrace it. Give back the love you haven't been able to give to you wife, your kids and most importantly yourself. God bless you.
     
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  17. ReallyGreatPizza

    ReallyGreatPizza Fapstronaut

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    Really happy for you Julian! This one hit me pretty close. There was a girl who I was deeply in love with, and will always in the back of my mind adore, and have since moved on after we broke up. I know in retrospect the reason our relationship fell apart is because I was afraid to confront our issues, and turned further and further into PMO to fulfill my own shortcomings in being able to create intimacy in our relationship. This drove a wedge between us and led to her looking for approval elsewhere, she could never really bring herself to completely admit it but I know it happened. I think she honestly just didn't want to hurt me any more than she already had. It doesn't haunt me so much anymore now that I've moved on and am happily dating again, but reading your story stirred up some what if questions about that relationship. Thanks for sharing your story, I wish you and your wife a very happy life!
     
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  18. ClearChrystal

    ClearChrystal Fapstronaut

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    thank you for sharing this. it gives me hope . (wife of a pa)
     
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  19. PotentLife

    PotentLife Fapstronaut

    Julian, amazing transformation! People say that Nofap is no magic bullet, but hey - sometimes it is just about that simple! I'm so excited for the possibilities between you and your wife, now, and it gives me a massive amount of hope for my own situation. All the best to you and your family.
     

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