relapsed at day 68. just like mr robot, my trigger was loneliness too. woke up in the middle of the night, alone in my room, and that happened.
Another day, another reset. Where is my self-control? I just have to put my phone in my car after 11pm! Day 0 reset as Slave. This time!!!
Let's continue our journeys nevertheless, brother! I got myself in a total emotional overwhelm and burnout last Friday and my mental safety fuses (right word?) just went nuts and put me in relapse followed by depressed and highly irritable mood. I intentionally went for a brisk walk in nature then and on Saturday but this didn't help. My inner perfectionist bitch just said f*** these mediocre efforts, all or nothing etc. Anyway, I've resurrected myself @EcoMunchies let's fight - we are learning so much in the process - it's not the goal that matters but rather the process itself
Don't be mad at her though. She wants the best for you, that's why she's so harsh on you. She thinks it's for your own good. Maybe I offer suggestion for you to treat her less like a stupid bitch and maybe more like a silly, little girl. Like a 10 year old You who's stuck inside of you two just doing her best to try to make you both happy, the way she's been trained to, the way she best knows how. Just treat her with compassion not anger. Like you would your daughter when she says something silly and you know that you know better. Just smile and pat her on the head, then move on. But yes, we continue forward! Skipping... ahm... I mean, marching on!
Thanks robot. Oh no, she's not silly, she's very smart and clever and all that. I have been working on my internal family system and my sub-selves (very interesting topic) so she's a protector who switches on when my exiled inner children feel insecure. She's just them misbehaving, like a kitten playing with some toy. I need to step back then and see her the way she is - and don't get entertained by her words.
Alright, there you go, that's better. Smart and clever don't usually go together with the B word. If you use that word there is implication of being silly. As well as being judged, condemned and hated. But maybe it's not true, maybe that's just how I feel. I've heard some people use that word in empowering kind of way even, so what the hell I know haha. It just makes me sad seeing other people talk down on themselves, that's all. Like in the movie Split, hehe? How many of them are there? Can you crawl on walls?
I can do better I know. I'm back up and fighting though and made 3 things to do better everyday to prevent.
12 managers, 18 exiled inner children and 17 guardians/protectors But the total number of most prominent ones is reduced to 12. Its good that the number of managers (including true self) is growing
Sorry warriors. I have failed today. There is no excuse for what i did. Its my fault. I m going to pick myself again and climb the ranks. I will start this journey again. And this time with a better me with stronger resolve.
