Hi everyone . I can’t believe how many times I have to create new usernames , only after my wife finding out its me from my phone . She found out that I cheated on her before by reading on these forums . I can only hope that she won’t found out its me again . I am going to start this post by saying that my sex life with wife has always been bad and disappointing. It was only in the first few months of our marriage (1 and a half year ago ) that I enjoyed sex a little bit with her, also due to erection meds , where I felt numb and not really into it but trying hard to please her . I lost all interest in sex after that . Stopped using meds and also stopped finding wife attractive . Started watching porn again . Also it’s been a full year I haven’t initiated sex with wife . It was always her who did , and I have felt forced into having it and pretended many times to please her and imagined porn stars while doing it . Also haven’t O ‘d with wife for over a year . I have always stopped in the middle after feeling disappointment. My porn use after years of straight porn had also escalated to trans and some feminine gay porn . I got into these genres after a long time quitting them before . I have questioned my sexuality many times, but I know I don’t want trans or gay sex in reality. I have always felt sexually and in love in women only , and never thought of being in relationship with a man or live the gay lifestyle . I know that when I quit all porn , my attraction to attractive women starts to come back , but I ruin it with porn relapses. Because of porn only , I have questioned myself if I am bisexual, but I still think it may not be true and it may not suit me as I never had these sexual preferences in my life before porn use escalated . Anyway , my point is that I still don’t find my wife attractive anymore . I struggled with this even before marrying her, but ignored it . Now , I still find other women attractive and have fantasized about them but not my wife . I am not going to bore everyone with the details of how me and my wife are still together after she finding out I cheated on her once with a lady prostitute , but the reality is that in our marriage , no one is happy . We have had our fair share of fights and arguments , and also some good moments but none of them involved any sex . I have been thinking for a long time that our marriage isn’t going to last long if all this continues. I have very weak communication with her , I don’t feel like sharing what I really feel with her . She’s going to end up being really hurt if I say I don’t find her attractive anymore . I feel like she knows it , but we are both together , mainly due to emotional bonding . I don’t know how this is going to work in the future between us . I have also thought of divorce as the final option for us . I have felt for a long time , that we are not right for each other and maybe some other man would better fulfill her needs than me . I don't make much efforts to please her, mainly because I don't feel that sexual connection with her . It’s going to be 2 years together in a few months in this hell hole of a marriage . Just thought I would rant as I really need a way out of this .