Non existent sex life with wife

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by cascadence27, Jul 27, 2020.

  1. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, what was he thinking looking at her walking down the aisle?

    "Yeah, I want to marry this girl, I want to make love to her day and night and put a baby in that womb!"

    If it's not a "Fuck Yes!" it's not even worth dating: https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes
     
    BigBallOfFire likes this.
  2. Envoy-ofthe-End

    Envoy-ofthe-End Fapstronaut

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    I don´t know if you don´t look around you but I see plenty of sissy weak men with women, and those females are the boss of those men, the roles are reversed. They´re like little slaves, it´s pitiful.

    He´s a porn addict, just like us. We ALL need help, if you are still lurking this forum you are probably still fucked up. I wouldn´t be here wasting my time if I was all dandy. Hell, I´d rather spend my time more wisely, but we´re all here for one reason, because we are degenerates looking to get our lives back together, so you and I are no better than the OP. Sure it may not be the same issue, but we can all go back to porn as the MAIN issue that has gone havoc in our lives.

    OP must have a good reason for marrying her, and if he doesn´t I understand too, because as addicts we all make very stupid mistakes. The least he can do now is talk directly to her, moreso that he says he feels no attraction. Nothing to lose.
     
    Gef 71 likes this.
  3. @cascadence27 make sure to reach out for a professional. A good therapist is worth his or her money a 100 times. This forum is probably not the best place to ask for relationship advises. Many of us did fail in the same way as you did but made negative experiences on the way.

    With one point I totally agree with @StarRider. He said that there is always an underlying issue with porn addiction and he is right. Quitting porn will not fix the issues but it is a major aspect of getting better. Therapy can also help you finding the real issue and work on that too. I did this and it turned my life 180 degrees around.

    You need to talk to your SO as many said. If you don't feel like being able to talk with her alone or you think it won't end well do turn to a professional. You will be able to speak out in a save environment and talk about everything. There is no shame in that.

    Wish you all the best of luck buddy.
     
    Gef 71, shyfox and fredisthebes like this.
  4. Seconded. Please don't have kids until you sort yourself and your relationship the fuck out.
     
    shyfox and BigBallOfFire like this.
  5. I'm taking notes.

    @Envoy-ofthe-End I want your opinion on the above. You think he's going too far?
     
  6. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    If you have seen the realities of toxic relationships, you know that anything that makes it to a forum post is child's play compared to the grim reality. If it looks bad on a forum post, it's much much worse in reality.
     
  7. cascadence27

    cascadence27 Fapstronaut

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    I admit it’s my bad decision of marrying her despite feeling a lack of attraction .
    Im 30 now. In my 20’s, I had low self esteem mostly due to rejection from women I wanted to date but couldn’t . My wife was my first gf and the only woman I ve ever dated. We didn’t even have any sex before getting married . It was everything but intercourse . We tried many times , but I kept thinking it was my PIED, but back of my mind I did hope she would lose weight in the future to be hot for me but that didn’t happen .

    Now it’s not too late to change my fate now . It’s clear that we are not good together. I am not gonna do any couple therapy or counseling. I already know I don’t want this marriage, so it’s time to take steps carefully.

    I will talk to her but won’t be honest in telling about my lack of attraction , but just that we are not compatible and we should live our separate lives , which would be the best for both of us .

    I am not a weak man and I won’t be involved in any codependent bullshit. I can sense that’s where the relationship is heading and I really want out of this .

    I ‘ll have to commit to my 90 day PMO , and start doing good things for my personal growth , that includes working out and quit my weed use for a while .

    Whatever decision I‘ll take after that , at least I’ll be clear headed and will surely not further mess up my life by taking a wrong decision .
    There’s a lot of work I need to do .
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2020
    Gef 71, Envoy-ofthe-End and Metis07 like this.
  8. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    She has to be married to a man who prefer watchin gay porn to real sex. GAY PORN!

    OMG, poor woman.
     
  9. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    speak for yourself buddy, ok?
    and dont twist it.

    I am NOT a degenerate and I am NOT the same as OP.
    To say I am codependent and weak as him would be prolly 10 years ago. And btw, I never married anyone or would not considered it if I knew I dont even feel attraction towards the
    person. You dont know me.

    Dont put everyone into the same bag. I come here from time to time just to read good posts and sometimes advice someone or read others advice.
    That doesnt mean I am on the same level as Mr Joe who is on level -100.
    People who have 1 year no porn no masturbation scores also come here, would you call them degenerates too?
    Cmon man.
     
  10. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    exactly... nicely put
     
  11. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    oh god.... there you go :(


    At this point it doesnt even fucking matter dude.
    just GTFO from that toxic relationship.
    you dont have to explain anything to anyone.

    Sorry to ruin your illusion but you sound like a beta spineless jello... codependence was heavily there before the whole marriage thing.
    you need a long road to recovery, learning, healing, developing and finally becoming a man. I'd say 7-8 years.
    But guess what. If you start now, you can still enjoy your 40s as a matured strong male. Not a pussy boy.

    and you smoke weed to top this all out? Jesus... you have plenty of work to do.
     
  12. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    well at this point I wonder whats wrong with her if she picked the most pussified beta boy in the hood?
    Like even extremely masculine girls pick more healthy guys.
    so she's either a narc, toxic controlling bitch or idk what... either way, coldhearted and manipulative for sure.
     
  13. cascadence27

    cascadence27 Fapstronaut

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    Easy with the insulting name calling.. What’s with all this beta crap? You’ve figured me out with just my 2 posts ?

    I understand you might have more experience with women and are older, but How could you figure everything out about a person so early on on this post ?

    Earlier on , you also said women marry weak men and such. I do agree on those points , but that doesn’t apply to me .

    I married out of my own will , thinking she’s who I wanted , even though it was the biggest stupid mistake I ve ever made in my life.

    I can get out of this messy situation. I know I have fucked up , but will own up to it.

    I don’t need so much time like you described, 7-8 years to recover .

    I will get back into doing all great things really soon once this mess is sorted .
     
  14. cascadence27

    cascadence27 Fapstronaut

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    I don’t prefer watching gay porn at all .
    I like straight porn more .

    Like many , I escalated to trans and feminine gay stuff after many years.
    To be honest , I ‘ve lost interest in it .
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2020
  15. cascadence27

    cascadence27 Fapstronaut

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    I married because of the kind of person I thought she was which had drawn me towards her more than her looks .

    The circumstances leading to marriage were just beyond my control at that point .

    I know I have messed up .
     
    Knighthawk likes this.
  16. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    That's not how it works. Once you are properly attracted with chemistry, looks don't matter anymore. That means you will find such a person visually attractive automatically.

    However attraction is not "I thought". Have you ever been attracted to a girl in your life? You seem to be completely inexperienced with romantic and sexual emotions.

    What the heck? The circumstances were beyond your control? If you're serious about that, then you're not even eligible for marriage. You need to see a psychiatrist then and get a proper diagnosis. If you turn out to be mentally challenged, the marriage can be annulled (which is way better than a divorce).

    BTW: You are still putting spaces in front of your punctuation. If you continue to do so, your wife will find you out again.
     
  17. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    I think he wants to be caught.

    This whole thing is so sad, isn't it?
     
  18. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    Lol at all the 'alphas' on here saying she is probably cheating on you as well. She probably isn't. She might be. But either way is no excuse for your behaviour.

    You've also not shared anything that makes me think she is controlling you either, tbh - although maybe people are saying this based on your previous personas (which I am not familiar with)? She doesn't trust you, but that's because you cheated on her. It takes a long time to win that trust back. Sometimes it never happens. And it takes a lot of effort, that you probably can't be bothered with. So, you just chug along being unhappy.

    Choice:
    1. Salvage your marriage. It's possible, almost always, but it takes a lot of effort on your part. Stop all the self-pity, and treat her the way you want her to treat you. Until she is able to trust you again, use her as an accountability partner to get over your pmo addiction, leave your phone unlocked and your internet history accessible. Don't worry about sex for now, focus on trust.
    This will be very hard to do and you will not get much in return for a long time, as you need to slowly regain her trust and your feelings for each other. If you can't be bothered to put in 100% for many months, then do both of you a favour and
    2. Separate.

    Good luck buddy.
     
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  19. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    So far it looks like a severe case of autism or another disorder, someone took advantage of to get a marriage certificate.

    In that case the marriage must be annulled, because if the guy isn't able to understand what having a romantic relationship and marrying someone for life means, he cannot consent. All the other considerations don't matter at all - in a case of doli incapax he isn't responsible.
     
  20. cascadence27

    cascadence27 Fapstronaut

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    No dude. I really don’t. It’s a habit of mine putting space bars after commas in punctuation. I’ll edit that later .
     

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