Not A Safe Place

I too see some of these comments, not very many, but i think that is the nature of an open forum on the Internet. There are all types in a place like this.

I have seen posts where these occur and members, including addicts, have fiercely defended partners on these comments. The outlandish comments I have seen have swiftly been rebutted and posters put in their place.

I did look around for a forum specifically for partners and did find one. I didn't stay as it was overwhelmingly 'dump his pathetic ass' and 'kick him to the curb' type comments. It did not have the advice I was needing. Here I do get good advice from some very kind, respectful and knowledgable members.

You have to take the good with the bad. Don't let it worry you. You don't need to have any more stress in your life than what you already have.

 

I agree that these posts should be ignored. But I can see the sense in writing this thread. Its increadibly difficult to ignore someone saying things about Your apearance, just as you're coming to grips with finding out that your husband is a p addict. Feelings of rejection and unattractiveness are already stomping around in your brain. Its hard to then brave writing a journal on here only to have those feelings reinforced by some post about needing to be thinner or prettier. Thankfully these posts don't seem to happen very often. But I would urge people to really think about the effect you are having on others before you post something on their thread. After all, this is anonomous. None of us actually know what the other looks like. Commenting on looks has no place here.

 

Indeed you do! You ladies are awesome and deserve all the cake and flowers you want. I deeply appreciate all the good you are doing here by interacting with other SOs of porn addicts, and for not giving up on your own SOs but helping them through their reboot. That takes a ton of energy, emotional and physical. You ladies are heroes.

Thank you for bringing up this topic. I will relay it to the moderators and see if there is not something we can do to help. Of course we can't prevent such posts from being posted, but we could maybe write a posting guide for this section prohibiting it.

 

The ignore function is very useful, Fiancee.

I'm sorry you've received those sorts of comments, but in terms of its atmosphere I'd say NoFap is very good when compared with the vast majority of internet fora.

I hope people will continue to argue against that view, but it is just a view and one that people are entitled to hold and express - as long as they express it within the rules of the site. The moderators are very good in my experience and if people are breaking the rules (there's a copy pinned at the top of each thread section) you should report the comments.

I use this forum a lot. I need it to be a safe place for me too. I'm afraid this means using the ignore function pretty liberally. It's not a particularly open-minded approach, but this is about me getting better, not endless internet arguments (there are quite enough of those already). So, if someone posts anything I regard as remotely triggering to me I click ignore. If someone hits my very broad criteria for "being a dick", I ignore them. And so on.

In fact, this thread might be a useful way for you to identify a few people who you want to ignore.

 

I agree that generally everyone seems nice and supportive on here. I think it's just a classic case of boys disrespecting us ladies because they don't understand how to interact properly with the oposite sex. (especially if they are in early days of reboot and still view women as objects). It is just difficult for us to express our feelings when you've got some 'dick' posting stuff about how we should tart ourselves up a bit to solve the problem. I've also seen a few rather 'messed up' individuals who generally seem to dislike women. I saw one thread about how our brains have evolved to be better at lying for instance. That is utter nonsense. Obviously these sad individuals have had a bad relationship experience which has caused them to dislike and distrust women. While it does make me very angry to read these posts, I also feel rather sorry for those people. They seem under the impression that women are another species. It doesn't help that society has forced certain stereotypes on us which now people use as a benchmark for human behaviour and interaction. Sometimes you just have to laugh and brush it off. Xx

 

Wow. I'm very sorry to hear about this. I don't spend very much time in the forums for "Relationships" or "Women" and so I haven't seen any of this myself or I would have spoken out against it.

I hope you know that comments like the ones you are describing do not reflect how the great majority of the men in here actually feel. Most of us recognize that we -- and our addictions -- are the problem, and that those problems have warped the way we see the world and all of the wonderful women who live in it. Most of us accept responsibility not only for the failures that have led us to this point, but also for the job of fixing things. Most of us recognize how much pain we have caused the women in our lives, and most of us have made a mission out of repairing those relationships and making sure that the women we love know that we love and value them just as they are, and that we will never be able to fully apologize for having made them feel less than adequate.

I hope you will follow the good advice you have received from others and ignore those who make the kinds of comments you are seeing. You are all human beings and beautiful in your own ways. I pity those who can't see this, and I hope they will find the truth and change their ways.

 

I've read through your OP and the following threads.... all good stuff. I would assume The Wife can probably relate better than us "bone-headed" guys. As a general rule, the web itself is still the wild, wild west where banks get hacked and your personal data is harvested like a big field of wheat.

For me I think it is important to realize that this community has people from all areas of the world, various sexual preferences and ages. So, I'll get a full dose of advice from a lot of angles. For the most part, from what I see, people are sincere and they do want the best outcome for people who post here. Those individuals who want to flame people usually fall the wayside after they are challenged from the community at large.

Is it safe? mmm definitely not 100%, but I don't know of anywhere else someone can come into a community and dump their sexual habits and addictions anonymously and receive support (for the most part).

Fiancee... I wish you the very best along with your SO. It's obvious you are working through issues and striving for a fulfilling loving relationship. It ain't easy. I would encourage you to keep up the good work.

Cheers!
HF