Not as attracted to my partner since nofap...

I'm not sure I felt quite like you do but I definitely go through phases of being less attracted to my wife. I'm very certain she goes through them as well. It's very mature of you to recognize and address it. It definitely could be a symptom of rebooting. I'm not sure. I think it will reach a tipping point or it will go away (to possibly return years later). Regardless of your porn addiction I don't think guilt should be a reason to stay with someone, it's ultimately not fair to her. As much as it hurts and it's not her fault, it's better she has a chance to pursue a relationship that will be with someone who feels that attraction. But...I would give it time. A phase like this could last 6 to 8 months by my non professional guestimation.

 

I've been in a relationship for a couple of years and I've experienced this similarly as a part of the reboot. I think "novelty" is the keyword here. During PMO, we see a bunch of naked women and there's always got to be a hotter "pornstar" out there, so we look for another video and so on. Essentially we are visually feeding our brain with one woman after another, more than our ancestors ever saw in their lifetime probably.

Now, go on NoFap and you cut off that "novelty" supply. Your brain is going to miss it, hence you'll stark looking left and right when you are outside. You'll look after other women and eventually not that much at your own girlfriend.

I don't know whether that need for "novelty" will ever go away at some point during NoFap. I've had a streak of 150 days, now 91 days again and it hasn't gone away. Perhaps thinking that you'll always just think of one woman only as the most beautiful is just idealistic, I don't know. Keep going with NoFap and see what happens. I'm in to find out too.

 

I'm of course speaking from my personal experience: in my case the more I got into NoFap, the more I craved that "novelty". I thought perhaps doing no PMO instead of no PM only would help but my girlfriend wasn't pleased by that idea...it's also part of intimacy after all and I do understand. I don't know why exactly it is strong or exists at all but I categorize this as some strong withdrawal symptom, I guess. I fully feel you though, it's so unfair towards the other person in the relationship. Just know you are not alone and I hope for us that those thoughts and cravings fade at some point.

 

my question is can you both mentally connect, can you guys talk about stuff that excites you both,get into deep converstations, maybe the brain chemistry is a bit dusty, an is not the physical aspect at all ,my expereince with interacting with girls is , two girls can physically look the same but just the slightest conversation is what causes me to find just one of them attractive , i find one girl so sexy looking while the other girls appearance doesnt do it for me but the crazy thing is they both look the same , the girl i find sexy i find it easy to get into conversations with her , we laught about the things we talk about, do you an your girl have the convo mojo, it maybe just be there deep in you guys you just have to relight the wick, get things burning again

 

I can feel the same thing at times as well. I think the novelty aspect is what is really going on. I still find my gf attractive, i still love her immensely but i also can tell that porn use my entire adult life, and seeking that out irl,(trying to hookup with hott woman just because they're hott and new/variety) has messed me up.. i hate it too. It's -a sign of maturity to admit it on our part. -A sign of immaturity that we are still here. cause it means we are still very shallow and surface focused.
I figure, if it's taken me 15 years to get to this point.. and i have seen literally hundreds and hundreds of different woman, it's safe to assume that at best... it'll take at least a fraction of that time to bring me back to "normal".

 

That’s odd, I’m experiencing quite the opposite. It will probably pass, hang in there

 

I also felt less attracted to friends I have the deeper I went into this abd as a consequence the type of sex became duller harder rougher. It’s desensitization I think.

 

Almost right from the start. But everyone has their own journey to do. Keep us updated with things and good luck with everything

 

Seems as you need some tools to work with? I’ve stumbled on a few threads on the forum that discuss different ways to deal with urges and keeping the right mindset. I’m not very good at giving others instructions but many others on here use cold showers everyday to stay on the right track. Others use meditation a few minutes everyday or working out as a way to get rid of energy. All these methods really work for a lot of people.

For me it’s about decision. I don’t have relapse as an option, no matter how miserable I feel at the moment. It’s off limits to me. And that is hard. I have got rid of a couple of addictions in the past. To have a break is not very hard, as long as the option is up on the table I feel some sort of comfort. But to face the thought of “never again”, that is a scary thought.

The most crucial thing that keeps me sober is remembering my personal reasons. Not the reasons you should have or that someone else have, YOUR reasons for wanting PM out of your life. The times I sit at home, feeling weak and actually considering busting a nut i look those reasons in the face and I just can’t do it. So pick up paper and pen, what is your arguments to be doing this?

Also I found new hobbies. I try to be on here as much as I can and also I’m learning a new language. The new language was I tip I received from an app called “reboot”, with a little logo of a dancing woman.

Join me today on having a p-free Friday, cheers!