Not attracted to him anymore!

Emotional control is part of healthy, strong masculinity.

 

That is why I like the particular meditation that I practice. It helps put distance between yourself and your mind. If there's distance, there's no filters to go through. You see everything as it is presented to you without judgement, distortions, or projections.

 

He grew up around angry men so he learned it as if it was a trait of men. What is learned can be unlearned, is what I remind him of all the time.

 

Got any books about it? I am interested in this style of meditation.

 

No, but I do have a link I could message you if you want it?

 

No, what I mean is that testy anger is normal for guys to feel. I feel it sometimes too. It's the high testosterone levels that make men more aggressive. Sometimes, someone will say some little thing to me that pisses me off, and I feel the rush of aggression, like punch-a-hole-in-the-wall anger. That's pure testosterone-fueled anger. It is part of healthy masculinity to feel that test-induced anger, and not be controlled by it. That testy rage is pretty normal, especially for higher test men.

 

Yes, that would be great

 

I should have been more specific as well.

Taking anger out on others is what he learned was a male trait.

 

And that is a bullshit trait

 

It is also really good for him to spend time with other men.[/QUOTE]
I agree i wasn't upset he wants to spend time with them its more that it shows me were his heads at,he feels stronger now (due to abstinence but he'd never no or admitted this) & the first thing he thinks his a a holiday abroad with just males.it was worse cos his reaction to me been upset (which you'd think he may understand given the fact he's been watching 10s of 1000s of women n girls for the last 6 yrs & we've only been back together over a yr after over 16 together & over 1 apart) was to say "well I couldn't take you cos u act like this,then ill just fucking leave ya" I thought thank you so much for the loyalty,how does he not see how its affected both of us! Expects me to just forget about it

 

I kinda know what is going on here but I don't know how to tell you what I want to tell you. Instead, I will give you a book that I want you to give to your man. Let him read it while on vacation. I can almost guarantee this will make your relationship better, but you have to be open-minded, because what I will send you may be a bit....new to you, but I assure you it is real, and very helpful to men and women alike. This will really help him understand why you are feeling insecure and upset. You can read it too, but he must read it for it to work.

Do you want this knowledge, or nah?

 

Yeah sure I would read it.not sure about him though,but you can still tell me what you think is going on i appreciate the feedback

 

And importantly don't try to be around him all the time so that he won't have a chance to watch. Just make the effort to let this go.[/QUOTE]
Thank you I really appreciate you sharing your experience,it seems your a little further along in the acceptance and letting go then I am,you are so right at first I hated going out at all,before I knew I'd often spend upto 7 hours at my mams but after I avoided going out at all,I'd cry on the way knowing what he was probably doing,it plays into all my insecurities and iam disappointed hiw after re watching his history its changed the way I see him,myself,most men,teenagers & other women,the TV is full of soft porn & I have to watch him look away or start randomly talking to avoid it,now I've traced it back way before we split up I hate looking at photos of us when I thought he loved me but had already started it,they feel like a lie.I could go probably go on for days on the various ways its hurt me.Whats adding more insult to injury right now its it was me that tried to get back together & I've stayed through this & even started doing things I wouldn't normally to keep him interested,but he just won't allow me to talk to him about anything,iam very honest & open but he shuts me down calls me an idiot etc so its so much harder & now he seems to feel stronger iam not sure he even loves me,what a response to me been upset he wanted a boys holiday,to say well I cudnt take you you act like this ill just leave ya,shows me were his heads at,your right I need to stop feeling my life depends on been with him,I pray I get my strength back cos someone out there would love me better

 

Yes I agree porn feels like cheating to me but worse it changes how you view them & hiw they view you,Internet pirn is soul destroying

 

This us so true we don't have kids but 19 years together,and I have the same issue,every girl or woman I walk past that is his "type" sends my head back to heartbreak its so difficult to forget

 

Sent