Not enjoying sex x not getting an erection

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by scjguy, Aug 19, 2019.

  1. scjguy

    scjguy Fapstronaut

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    For those who have ED specifically, here is my question:

    Do you actually ENJOY sex but are only unable to sustain/get an erection? Or do you NOT enjoy sex at all with your partner during penetration/oral?
    Because I totally fit in the second category. I mean, it's difficult to explain. The whole making out thing is good, feels good, but I can't feel a damn thing during penetration. To be honest, it's such a lack of feeling that I just wanna cum fast so it ends fast, because I start to feel awkward due to the total lack of sensation (plus the semi-hard dick, of course). The same goes for oral, I don't feel a thing.
     
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  2. ironmaing

    ironmaing Fapstronaut

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    Never had that. Clearly nofap will help you regain sensitivity. Do no PMO for several months, you’ll see after 2 you’ll start feeling things again. If you’re already having semis, you should have more as time passes with no PMO
     
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  3. jordan_brown

    jordan_brown Fapstronaut

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    I have the same
     
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  4. Shiva321

    Shiva321 Fapstronaut

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    i too share this issue...,..i think i love that feel, but can't hold for long...
     
  5. Lenard Fosterman

    Lenard Fosterman Fapstronaut

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    Do you enjoy the fantasy of yourself penetrating your sexpartner(s)?

    How do you M - which mode of stimulation are you accustomed to?
    Sensation of your partners orifices might be very different from your own hand - especially if you rub with much pressure, in fast rhythm and rather mechanically.
     
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  6. jordan_brown

    jordan_brown Fapstronaut

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    I think the grab of the hand is way stronger than in normal sex plus the release of dopamine can many times be higher watching porn than during sex, so the 2 things together.
    I just started again NoFap this week, do you think after some weeks or months things get better? Start feeling during sex?
     
  7. Lenard Fosterman

    Lenard Fosterman Fapstronaut

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    In my opinion NoFap is merely the first step and is all about resensitizing your brain - to become open to reallife stimula again.
    Start with it and go for 30, 60 or 90 days - whatever is feasible for you. It's actually not about a number of days, it's about clearing your brain fog. Use the time and energy you freed from PMO (or sex in general) to make an investment into your self-esteem.

    The second step then is to restart M. This is a very crucial point that isn't understood properly by most of the guys here and therefore gives reason to all sorts of fear and failure. The critical lesson is that you should restart but M very differently from how you did before. It's actually beyond the imagination of many that there even are alternative ways to explore, and that's why they reject M as hell. But it's not M generally, it's only a rather limited mode of stimulation and sexual sensation which is all we've ever learned from teenage years onward: so-called death grip is its most common feature. After the resensitization of your brain your next task will be the resensitization of your penis! If you skip this step, you might be attracted by a reallife person, you end up in bed, horny as f***, and still experience ED - just because your 'sexual horizon' is so narrow that you're not able to perceive any other stimulation than very tight rubbing to be satisfyingly arousing.
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2019
  8. jordan_brown

    jordan_brown Fapstronaut

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    I actually had a partner and the main thing is not ED but that I don't feel anything after the first 2 seconds I am in.
    So what kind of M are you talking about because it is not clear at all, M is about rubbing from what I know
     
  9. Lenard Fosterman

    Lenard Fosterman Fapstronaut

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    It doesn't have to be ED. Another common and related problem is anorgasmia. Anyway, whatever the label, there is some sort of frustration.
    M isn't necessarily all about rubbing, especially hand rubbing. In the first place it's about sexual sensation, sexual stimulation, and sexual pleasure - (usually) induced by yourself. Sure there's nearly always touch involved - but there are countless ways of touch.

    Three rules to begin with:
    1) Banish the fist grip on your penis. It will force you to try different techniques.
    2) Don't apply pressure on your penis. Be more gentle with him.
    3) Vary the stimulation. Don't do the same thing in the same rhythm all the time. Play around.

    Odds are you'll reply: I've tried this already, and I couldn't cum less than ever! I was getting so frustrated or bored that I soon switched back to the old mode (that works for me!).

    Yes, but that's actually the point.

    The goal-orientation in sex is the main problem and limitation. All that matters is to get an O. It's the only valued satisfaction. There are two variations of this attitude:
    • The guy that wants the O as quickly as possible. He perceives the way that leads there as an effort, as work that needs to be done to achieve the gratification (and/or get rid of sexual tension that he might experience negatively)!
    • The other guy who likes to quickly reach a high state of arousal and stay there as long as possible (if the O is 100% of arousal, let's say 85-99%) and finally be rewarded with a very strong O (the mode named edging).
    Both don't appreciate less intensities of arousal at all. They are convinced that this is not 'the thing'.
    However there are sensations in the area of 15-85% of arousal and you may learn to perceive and even enjoy them.
    If you are able to surf the waves in this area happily, not eager to cross it straight and strained, you'll be well prepared to enjoy the whole process of penetration, as long as you like, and finally get off whenever you want. You may find it thrilling to slow down your movements and even stop them for a while in order to simply feel your genital pulsating in a warm body. It's flow- or pleasure-oriented sex, true to the motto: The journey is the reward. There is only this very moment. Whether in the end the sexual energy will burst or fade doesn't matter now. You may end sex without O and be just as well fine with it.

    So I recommend after rebooting with NoFap you restart to M, but consciously without seeking and getting an O for another period.
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2019

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