Not Exactly New, but Giving a New Effort

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Hi, my name is Henry and I am addicted to masturbating.

I have used the NoFap site on and off for about a year. I have had mixed sporadic results, based upon my effort and diligence. I know that all of this is my doing and it is up to me to make this work. There are tools like this site, and they are great, but in the end it is up to me. I take full responsibility.

I struggle with an addiction to masturbating. I am male, married, in my 50's. But it gets worse. My masturbation addiction is manifested through chat rooms, chatting with other like minded folks, mostly other men in my age range while we discuss topics. I find it arousing to chat and masturbate. I am not sure why - maybe a connection - but not sure. I get very disgusted with myself after - I really can't even see me doing it. But in teh heat of the moment it is exhilarating. I try to resist, but seemingly get overwhelmed by this itchy feeling. Next think I know I am online and chatting, and masturbating. I know is it very wrong, but the topic is usually young girls. We share non-nude pictures while we chat. It is not classic porn, no nudity, no sex, but it s wrong - pure and simple. I understand that when I am rational. After I am done, I get very disgusted with myself, and I swear never again. Well that lasts for some period time and that beast inside calls.

Lately it has been 2 or 3 sessions a week, each lasting 2 to 4 hours of edging. This is eroded my self esteem. It also has hurt my relationship with my wife. My performance with her has suffered. That sucks! I realize all this and then i fall back into my weakness. This is up to me. I want to change. I need to change. I want to be a better man - for me, for my wife, for God, for my family, for the world.

Well that was my rant. it feels good to put it out there. I am committed to changing.
 
Hi Henry, welcome (back). I am glad to hear that you are committed to changing and you're ready to take responsibility for your recovery. Lots of us have dealt with sick/gross/unpleasant fetishes related to PMO. That doesn't mean that behavior who we are at heart, but it does mean that we are out of control. Today is the day to start healing my brother. Start with a small goal, something simple like "today, not even one peek at an off-limit site." Whatever works for you, but the only way you're going to overcome this is by setting some boundaries for yourself and then sticking to them. You don't have to do it perfectly, hell, I have hit the reset button 4 times in my first 30 days. But the key is to be focused on getting better each day. You can check out my reboot log and start reading from the top to get some ideas of what has worked for me. Others have different techniques - there are a couple of guys tracking everything in color coded spreadsheets. Whatever it takes man, slay this beast!
 
Thank you very much for your response. I am on Day 5 and actually feeling relatively good. However, my big challenges lie ahead in the next few days. My wife will be out of town, leaving me home alone in the evenings. This has been a tough time for me and when I usually get on to the chat sites.
 
Yeah, isolation is a real trigger for us all. Of course, we abuse in private, so that's no real big surprise. You're wise to have identified it as an issue beforehand.

My unsolicited advise is to stay away from whatever devices you use to access your sites and find something to fill that time. Go out with friends, read a book, work out, whatever. I used video games for awhile, while I was getting back into some other hobbies. I know one of the guys here goes on long runs to fill his time, another is throwing himself into work and rebuilding his business connections... whatever works and doesn't set you back is probably an OK crutch for awhile. I found that the second week was when I consistently reset in the beginning. Willpower alone would only get me to about 10 days. If that sounds like it describes you as well, take a look at my reboot log and see what kind of stuff I did to get over the hump and really break the chains.

Congratulations on 5 days. Keep focusing on the reasons you want to beat this, you can do it!
 
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