Not going to lie, I'm freaking out...

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Vas-nu-pied, Dec 25, 2018.

  1. Vas-nu-pied

    Vas-nu-pied New Fapstronaut

    So I've been on the nofap challenge for 2 months now, and frankly it hasn't been that hard to stop pmo, I took it as an exercise in discipline and self-control and went all out with my martial art training. But now I met this girl and we started dating...

    it's kinda awkward to talk about this but I need reassurance or advice or something... I don't know I'm freaking out. All the seduction part went fine, but when came time to have sex... I couldn't fucking get it up or couldn't maintain an erection... She would try to get me hard and it just wouldn't work... That was a huge blow to my ego, not gonna lie... anyway, I had to tell her about my porn addiction and the nofap challenge and she was quite understanding, had to reassure her that it's not that I wasn't attracted to her. (it was probably quite a hit to her own ego, understandably)

    Anyway, she's still around and we're still trying to make it work. I'm taking this time to be attentive to her and to practice my techniques with my fingers and tongue, even toys but I'm still freaking out about my ED... it's so weird because I actually DO get hard, like we'll be fooling around and then I put on the condom and boom... nothing anymore. Maybe I put too much pressure on myself to perform like crazy, I don't know but I'm really worried... It really hurt my feelings of masculinity... I used to be a beast in bed... If anyone could help in some way... please do...
  2. LordFarquaad

    LordFarquaad New Fapstronaut

    pretty sure its just performance anxiety and that, over time, when you are both more comfortable with each other, it will go away. I completely understand how you feel because I had a very similar experience; with my first girlfriend sex was totally fine, but when I got a second girlfriend the first time we tried i couldn't get hard, and that anxiety fucked me up for a few weeks and i coudlnt stay hard during sex. I realized that it was because I was always expecting to get soft and the anxiety was what made me soft. I noticed that i should sorta be shaking and felt really really nervous every time before we tried, and that nervousness is definitely what makes it impossible to be hard.

    something that might even help is to just try having very slow and sensual sex, since playing around seems to keep you hard. don't worry about being a monster in bed and comparing yourself to your old self, at least for myself i feel that when i take it slowly and more sensual im able to stay harder longer.

    hope this helps somewhat!
    Tankus and DarkClaw89 like this.
  3. DarkClaw89

    DarkClaw89 Fapstronaut

    ^ What he says. Once when something like this happened to me, my partner at the time laid with me, and very slowly, sensually, and romantically attended to me (details removed to avoid triggering anybody). I could feel the pressure to perform slowly melt away, and it eventually did the trick.
    Tankus likes this.
  4. RollerCoaster

    RollerCoaster Fapstronaut

    the worst part about this is the feeeling of helplessness and the fear that it will stay this way :/
  5. Maybe it's the condom. The whole technique of putting on a condom feels so unnatural, unerotic and it can completely destroy your hornyness. If I have to put on a condom, I also get soft after a few moments, no matter how stimulating the sex is. Maybe you find another form of prevention.
    ZZ Tilt and DarkClaw89 like this.
  6. Capt. U

    Capt. U Fapstronaut

    Been there man, I like it when the girl puts on the condom for me it's like a turn on and I tend to be able to keep it up during that. Lol.
    Tankus and Deleted Account like this.
  7. Tankus

    Tankus Fapstronaut

    Totally understand this man. I had a similar experience after doing noFap too cause I think for me part of nofap was that i wanted to cut out the fantasizing and be more present during sex. But it was like even after 90 days of nofap my brain was just starting to rewire itself to get horny and have good sex without fantasizing at all. So i had sex with this tinder date a few times but i really wasn't that into it.

    That shit goes away after a while though now i feel more confident in my chubbies than ever before. I think it just takes the brain a little while. And yep definitely overthinking makes that performance anxiety or whatever it's called worse. Experienced it all hey but for some reason now it's like.. hard to explain but.. when you cut out porn and other stimulus, I think you get even more excited with actual women than before. Definitely. So don't worry about it too much just keep going son, you've got this .
    DarkClaw89 and Vas-nu-pied like this.
  8. Vas-nu-pied

    Vas-nu-pied New Fapstronaut

    It's actually getting much better, I guess it really was just performance anxiety. She has to put on the condom though, somehow putting it on myself just turns me off completely and I lose my erection. But things are looking up. Thanks for the support guys!
    Tankus and DarkClaw89 like this.
  9. DarkClaw89

    DarkClaw89 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing the update - really encouraging to hear from someone earlier in their journey.

    EDIT: I meant to say: really encouraging for someone earlier in their journey (me) to hear from someone later in their journey (you) lol
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2019
    Vas-nu-pied and Tankus like this.

Share This Page