It sounds to me like you are at the beginning of your journey. I say that because if one reads what EarthDragon says, (as well as the_big_o) one can see he is not at the beginning of the journey by the language he uses, such as "neurochemicals in the brain" and PMO (short for porn, masturbation, orgasm). My mantra here is always the same: Education and tools. Do not believe you will quit the PMO cycle with will power alone. If you are addicted to PMO, and I am, I had to accept that before I could truly begin my recovery. I am not certain you conceive of yourself as addicted, and maybe you are not, but it sounds to me like you are seeking advice on whether you should quit or not as opposed to asking how you can quit. You may be asking the wrong question, meaning you may be so early on your journey you do not believe you should ask it. I am not an expert on human psychology, but I have noticed a lot of guys distinguishing between abstinence and recovery. While I find this particular site very helpful because it allows me to read posts such as yours and reply, meaning it helps me stay educated about the PMO cycle/problem, It's emphasis on abstinence, that is quitting for long periods of time without necessarily addressing the underlying truth about why we compulsively want to PMO, unhelpful. If you can quit PMO by just choosing to, good for you, you don't have a problem. But thousands of us here have tried to quit, and couldn't. That by the way is called a relapse. We relapsed over and over until we got educated. I suggest you visit the site yourbrainonporn.com. Also, go to youtube and search yourbrainonporn and you will find a Tedx lecture by Gary Wilson, a neuropsychologist. What I learned during my education, which I had to learn before truly quitting the PMO cycle, was that I had become addicted to PMO. It helped me to see my brain as addicted to PMO, meaning it helped to learn the problem was above the belt, not below it. From your post I think you have not learned that lesson yet because sex occurs below the belt but PMO (including PMO addiction) occurs in the brain, and you appear to be equating PMOing with sex, roughly. At the beginning of my journey I, too, made no distinction between the two events, but not I understand they are completely different things. What I learned, in my education (and am still learning) is that watching P triggers the release of dopamine in the brain. As part of your education, if I may be so bold, I suggest you Google "Coolidge effect and porn". Though education I learned my brain does not distinguish watching porn, imagining porn, remembering porn from actual sex. The brain's chemical reward center releases chemicals resulting in momentary euphoria to thoughts of either. Problem is: high speed internet porn was not part of our evolution. If we are lucky we have actual sex often, and are chemically rewarded for it, but HSIP represents, to our brain, a limitless source of sex. As a result of HSIP, our brains (that is the brains of those of us who are addicted) come to crave it over actual sex. There are tools to breaking the PMO cycle. I, for instance, use porn blockers, I come here to read and to post, I use Google safe search to block certain sites and search phrases, I have identified triggers that I try to avoid. (Could be something as simple as not focusing on a cheerleader during an NFL game, but certainly avoiding P altogether. Part of the problem many of us have in the beginning is not recognizing that things that are not porn can still trigger PMOing. I note this because you write of looking at pretty girls. Looking at pretty girls is natural, but for a guy like me, dangerous, as it can trigger the urge to PMO, so I consciously avoid thinking of pretty girls in an overtly sexual way). As for abstaining from sex with a partner, there is a lot of conflicting advice out there. I developed PMO addiction with a partner and I have quit it with a partner. My problem, at its worse, was that I could have sex all the time, but could not O with my partner, only with P. This led to her having self esteem issues which led me to beginning my journey to quit the PMO cycle. Until I got educated and started using tools I always relapsed, but since consistently using education and tools I have not relapsed for quit a while. Now I never watch P and I only O with my partner, never with masturbation. That was a process, not an event, it took time. For a while during that process, when I did begin to O again with my partner I was still imagining P to do it. Now, I am 18 months into my recovery, about 4 months with education and tools, and I only O with my partner, and only think of her when I do. Twice to three times per week. If your brain's reward center has become unbalanced by the prolonged use of HSIP I suggest you recognize that and try and deal with that immediately. I don't say don't have sex, but I doubt you will have a satisfying real sex experience until you break the fantasy sex life represented by the PMO cycle. Again, if you have no problem with PMO, then I suggest having a regular sex life. Unless you are a monk I see no point in purposefully abstaining from a regular, loving, committed, sex life. But be careful, as there are sex addictions outside the PMO cycle. Good luck in your journey and thanks for allowing me to post.
