Not having sex with a partner

Sadly that's not true for a lot of porn addicts. Plenty of us have left girls in our beds sleeping to sneak away to the computer. Spouses being ignored is not an uncommon side effect of porn addiction. Just because I've seen a girlfriend naked doesn't mean I don't still want to see EVERY OTHER GIRL naked too. There's plenty of shit happening on my computer screen that isn't (and won't be) happening in my bedroom. When I'm on a good streak, its not a problem to limit my fun to real girls, but we're not all always on streaks.

 

Good for you. Ironic

 

It's far from being that simple, bro. That's all I know.

 

I'll never understand why some men are so obsessed with nudity. Once you've seen one naked female you've seen them all. It's all the same parts. I had to explain to my bf about getting P sent to him on FB messenger. "If a girl on your friends list sent you that photo/video would you still keep it to save for PMO?" He said of course not. And I believe him whole heartedly because that's really close to textbook cheating. But then I asked him what the difference was. Why is it different, because you don't know her? Why is that any less repulsive? The act itself is the same.
Because it's male friends sending him this I then asked what they would do if the internet didn't exist. Would they mail that garbage to the house? Would they knock on the door and hand a picture to you? Would they interrupt our dinner to show you a photo of some random girl naked?
The more you dissect it the more pathetic it is. Not so much the PA's but guys who think it's ok to send that garbage to their friends online. I'm pretty sure every adult out there knows how to find it on their own.
I was that neglected partner for 6 months. He'd go as far as waking me up to touch and kiss me, making me believe we were going to sleep together, only to take his tablet in the bathroom for 2 hours. In those six months we slept together 3 times. He, in those 6 months watched 720 hours of P.
I agree with the OP here. It seems like those whogo through hard reboot relapse quicker and more often than the ones who enjoy being P free and with their partner. But to each their own. Had my bf went hard mode and ignored me longer than he already had I would have left him. My self esteem could not have taken rejection on top of rejection.

 

Long story short, the thing about being 'sent nudes' vs 'seen one seen them all' is, it's not about seeing tits. It's about the intimacy of knowing those are for you. The act of having some kind of intimacy with a person that somebody else can't just go to a URL and also see. It's like artificial intimacy. Most men are deep down longing for some form of personal intimacy and since we're all trained to repress it for the sake of masculinity, we try to get all of our desired intimacy through pretty much the only form of intimacy men aren't ridiculed for seeking out: sex and nudes. Seeing and sharing something other people don't get to.

I quite firmly believe that if we "freed the nipple", and women went around completely topless in the summer just like men do, then the (straight) male obsession with boobs would pretty much totally disappear. Yes, we are all attracted to the body shape of the opposite sex (or same sex for gay people), but seeing a person's nude body is exciting because it's personal, private and intimate. Because they don't show that to you unless you are sharing some kind of intimacy. Hell I think it's why things like foot fetishes exist, because people generally tend to have their feet hidden. Ain't nobody ever had a hands fetish or a nose or ears fetish! lol.

 

That's a good point! Specially regarding the fetish.

 

for some addicts is good to have s. during their reboot, for others (especially if they are s. addicts) it isn't good and they need to stop having s. for a while

 

To your first post - neurochemistry and evolution play cards here. Firstly, habits and everything around them (you still have to replace them, they won't move from P to GF themselves), secondly - porn gives you something that partner doesn't. Millions of other partners! And you know that in past male with more female partners won - genes won. So, if addiction is not solved in a good way - it is really easier to return to PMO. Another aspect is if their partner knows about the NoFap journey. Like, this statement is easily said "Replace PMO with making out with GF", but it is little harder when applied into real situation

 

I can relate to this - but in the end I was doing the same. Was in a relationship, for 10 years, with minimum sexual contact and lots of porn. I used to feel guilty about this, until I realise that myself was nothing but a fantasy (a porn fantasy) of my partner. He didn't want to know my intimate desires, or anything else. I started to feel that I had to "act" in order to achieve pleasure together, and that created a block that today is felt like ED (but not when I masturbate). Porn was my escape, and my destroyer. Sexually, my relationship was just this silly visual obsession, and lack of touch, that is represented by this e-culture of "sharing" images, ideas, etc - and many other things that should remain private. You see: the whole principle of social media is to provoke us to expose ourselves in a way that everybody becomes a "control freak" of the other. It is a neverending paranoia that kills any possibility to develop a healthy intimate life. I was stunned to read that your ex spent 2 hours in the toilet with his computer - a guy like this simply can't trust anyone in a deeper level, and maybe he lives in perpetual shame for that. I feel sorry for him, and for you.

Good luck to your recovery!

 

I think this is part of a mythology - the view that "porn gives you something that partner doesn't". Porn doesn't "give" anything, and historically it was related to as a complement of sexual excitation - nowadays, bizarrely, it is becoming more like "an alternative to sex" (which can be explain, since we life in times of DSTs, unwanted pregnancy and stressful lifestyle). Porn addiction it is a symptom of advanced capitalism plus social decadence.

I also have my views on the idea that "in the past" man have "more female partners". Not that I heard of. The "cure" for this tendency was always there - marriage - a ceremony that is old as civilisation; much of the population still live under its guidance, in every culture I know. Promiscuity didn't mean that people want to "pass their genes" either, but simply have more pleasure while ignoring social conventions. But this is an ongoing debate: are we "naturally" monogamic, or polygamy is our "true nature"?

No easy answer for any of that, despite the fact that it is well-known that masculinity seems more susceptible to the impulse to fulfil their desires through adventures - and this is what porn has done to fuck us completely: it is erasing our general will (not as man only, not as sexual predators, but as human beings).

 

Well - there are many viewpoints. I don't know why marriage was created - I would lie, but I am researched in evolution point of view. Of course, we have evolved from fish to monkeys, apes and then to human - not precise, but a general idea. And in past time - when there were only apes - there was no marriage. And things went easily - the male who would fertilize more women had more offsprings. The genes of one who was successful got further - to more monkeys. So, from this point of view (and genes standpoint) - and say it full mouth - more sex the better - because the genes spread further. And better genes further they spread - natural selection. So, it is quite possible to say that we are polygamy creatures (again, not from point of view of marriage).

And many modern addictions are quick-fixes exploiting our old neurological systems. People get fat because they eat too much - they have great feelings from eating. But in the past, you had to eat everything that was around! And you still weren't safe to survive the winter! Now people do the same and get fat. The brain doesn't know there is enough food. It has evolved in a different way. Same with gambling - that dopamine hits. Modern addictions are exploiting in-built systems we have from evolution, that saved us and made us live. To translate it into marriage standpoint - yeah, you settle down with one woman, okay (animals don't do that, so definitely just a culture thing). But now you have P (and if you don't know about that harm) - the in-built evolution pathways fire as hell - you are reproducing with hundreds of women! You are successful! This would save you thousands of years ago. Now, it creates problems. So you are returning from culture to your, let's say "natural instinct"