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Not knowing what's right anymore

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by zsoli95, Jan 14, 2022.

  1. zsoli95

    zsoli95 New Fapstronaut

    I started nofap in March 2021. The max days I got to was 18 days. In August my life changed a lot. I moved to a different country because of a new job. In October I finally managed to get enough disciplined to stay away for longer time. I decided to not masturbate for 90 days.
    I was motivated because I hated my life and knew that one of the main reasons I'm a looser is because of porn. I was lonely my entire life. Porn and masturbation helped to replace what I needed. But I know that the only way that I can change and get a girlfriend in the future is by not rewarding myself without deserving it.
    This time it was much easier to abstain because my new job was overwhelming and when I was free I didn't have much energy left.
    Plus I met a girl that I really liked. I told her about the challenge. I would've felt weak, pathetic and embarrassed if I relapsed.
    I still watched porn once every 3 weeks, without masturbating. I did not want my penis to get weak so I watched some porn while I lifted my towel up and down with my penis for 20-60 minutes. During this time i didn't feel like I would loose control and start masturbating.
    Until my Christmas holiday came. I was completely alone every day. It became more challenging to abstain. On day 82 I was so horny that I exercised with the towel for about 2 hours. After 30 min break I went for another hour and then lost control and started masturbating. I was so close to the end of the challenge and I lost.
    Since then I masturbated 3 times per week.
    I realized that my penis became very sensitive from the challenge (was quite sensitive even before). I'm not sure if it's good to do this challenge anymore as if anything real could happen I would cum in 1 minute. So in the last 5 weeks I tried only semen retention. But that doesn't work. I got my sexual desire back and with it I lost my discipline. I do it too often and never manage to stop before it's late.
    During the 90 day challenge I developed many good habits and experienced many positive changes. Now I'm afraid that if I don't do the challenge again I get back to my old miserable self. If I do it my penis will regress.
    I'm curious what you guys think and what are your experiences.
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2022
  2. elvagoazul

    elvagoazul Fapstronaut

    I don't think porn will improve your performance. Why do you think abstaining from pmo will weaken your penis? I read some success stories which said after a long streak they recover from problems similar to yours. I guess all those things you are doing while watching porn are like edging and they are not contributing to solve your problem, they are worsening it. After repeatedly sessions of edging I used to be somewhat sensitive and more unable to retain it. Maybe you were in a flat line at that time and you thought your penis was weakening. If that was the case it is only due to perception. It happens for some days and it goes away. From my own experience, I lasted much longer in real situations than with pmo. It is a completely different experience and the body reacts different.

    It was just my opinion I'm not an expert in this topic by any means. Maybe you have a health problem related to this. And probably you need to see a doctor, an specialist in this kind of things. By doing that you can get more suitable solutions than watching porn.
    zsoli95 likes this.
  3. zsoli95

    zsoli95 New Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your input elvagoazul.
    While I was doing the 90 day challenge I wasn't edging. Before the challenge I was able to edge for 5-60 minutes. Rarely 2 hours even. During the challenge I only did the towel training a few times, but not once I gave pleasure to myself, until I couldn't control my desire on the 82nd day. Whenever I did the training I had to watch porn as otherwise I couldn't get it up. Interesting to mention is that, I didn't have sexual desire during the challenge. Not even on that day until I started the training. After that, I masturbated 3 times per week for 3 weeks and everytime I ejaculated in less than 2 minutes. This hurt my already low confidence. How could I ever have real sex if I can't even masturbate long enough.
    Also, I believe this is like the brain and the muscles. If someone doesn't use it for a very long time, it gets weak.
    I guess I should get back to the challenge, as it doesn't seem like I would get anything real in the near future.

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