Not only excessive Porn for decades. Also affairs and prostitutes :((

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Square79, Apr 23, 2018.

  1. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    Hi there!

    I am the SO of an excessive Porn consumer - He is also having affairs and going to brothels regularly.

    We are married for 7 years, have a wonderful family.. An active Sex life, a beautiful house, wonderful kids..

    Just last week I found out about an affair he had.. And faced him. He admitted excessive Porn usage, regular meetings with prostitutes, taking the blue pills and having affairs with his secretaries.

    I am devastated.
    We have two young kids. A wonderful family.

    Unfortunately we have been there a few years ago - I found out about an affair.. This was before we got married.

    He had prostitutes and affairs and heavy Porn usage.. And he wanted to stop it all, so he wouldn't lose me.
    I agreed and he did psychotherapy but started slowly but surely with Porn again.. After we got married.

    After the porn.. Then prostitutes and also having affairs with his secretaries.
    For a few years he was doing this now in the second sequel.
    I am so tired, so wounded. Again!!

    It's really bad and hurts me so much.
    We have a wonderful family, an active and adventurous love life, two super kids. I am an attractive and sexy Partner, Open minded, we had a lot of variety and fun.

    It is so bad now.. I feel devastated.

    With my husband he said it's like this, that he feels stressed, has anxiety or fears.. He is escaping in hours of Porn usage or going to brothels after office. And having affairs with secretaries.. All to keep his thoughts away from anyirrational fears. It's so crazy.
    We have a wonderful life, everything a man can dream of. And he is risking it all because of this SHIT.

    I Am so wounded.

    He is now in here. Reading some forum posts.
    I feel so hopeless.

    Are there and wifes around whose partner also did porn. Prostitutes and affairs. And are in here together now to find a solution?

    I love him..although he is hurting me so deep. He should be the one who protect me from pain, who has my trust and is worth it. I was so wrong.
     
  2. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    I know it's devastating and hurts like crazy.

    The more you explore these forums and talk to others that are going through/been through so much - can help lend an ear or give advice.

    It makes a world of difference, to just - not be alone.

    Check out/join this group too: SOS: Significant Others Support
     
  3. BetrayedMermaid

    BetrayedMermaid Fapstronaut

    378
    1,030
    123
    We are here for you. We really do understand the pain you are going through. Although my PA (Porn Addict) husband has not disclosed prostitutes or actual affairs, but he does have $27,000 debt that is unaccounted for..... oh and he did masterbate thinking of my daughter (his step daughter).. and has had sexual thought about her for a year. So we know your pain, how it feels like your guts are spilled out on the floor. I'm so sorry you are going through this but this will be a good place for you, and him.

    We too had a wonderful happy, active blended family on the one side of his double life.
     
  4. Square79

    Square79 Fapstronaut

    79
    112
    33
    Betrayed Mermaid.. Oh my gosh.. This is also really tough..!

    Regarding the dept - don't you wanna force him to fully disclose?
    I want to know absolutely everything.. The worst.. And everything. This is the only point where I can think of restarting.

    Although I still have the feeling he did not disclose everything yet. I can see it in his eyes. Somehow.

    So I am not sure if we are at a starting point at all.

    I put a GPS tracking app and a child safety app on his private phone. But of course he has the office mobile also. So if he wants, he will always find a way to access porn.

    Or his computer in his office.. He admitted pmo Also in his office.

    If the happened a lot and always when he felt some pressure or anxiety. This was his way of dealing with these negative feelings.

    So how to begin now?
    We changed some habits (no more phone on the toilet where he used to pmo every day). And coming home earlier (by saving the phone time in the office) and working out in the evening before having dinner.

    What else?
    I am looking for a solution for him dealing with negative feelings. All his life he was just doing pmo and prostitutes to get rid of these feelings for a short while. Like an alcoholic.

    Any special advise?
    How are the videos in the academy?
    Worth joining?

    Does it help how to cope with feelings like stress, anxiety, depression that led him to the PMO all the time?

    Thank you so much for your answers. Means a lot to me
     
  5. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Found your journal!
    OK... I see.

    -my thoughts... Although I know you were talking to mermaid ( @BetrayedMermaid Hi Mermaid! :))

    redecorate the bathroom.
    Making it feel like a "new untainted space" helps a lot of men transition.
    You could do a polygraph disclosure, but I know lots of women like letters the PA writes Everything out.
    So they have it.
    Helps both parties find closure.
    Puts it on paper and in the past.
    @AnonymousAnnaXOXO videos are good. (resources thread)
    The academy is good too.... I Know they are helpful.
    Don't just pay for the videos, pay for the daily interaction.
    Otherwise, what is the point?
    & you might not be able to block the work phone, but depending* on his work, he may be able to have accountability software on it....
    --My husband work at least allows that.
    On his work computer too.. (because it doesn't Stop anything)
    & he should come up with a list of - "when 'this' _____happens, instead of turning to porn, I'm going to ________"
    Example - my SO Wrote (to implement) "when I feel sad instead of turning to porn, I'm going to talk to a friend"
    And
    "When I get really mad instead of turning to porn, I drop and do 10 push-ups wherever I am to release the instant pressure I am feeling "
    (and he used to for a bit)
    But yeah, I'd have him write out a bunch of all the feelings he associated with why and his own solutions.
    Then put them to action.
    I hope you are having a better day.
     

Share This Page