Not porn addicted but this instead...

I suffer from an in my opinion very odd sexual behavior bordering on addiction. You read often about people who are dependent on masturbation , porn , or to show their private parts in front of other people in the chats and so on.

I am dependent on having my appearance rated and what gives me the large scale excitement is when people of the opposite sex ( girls ) do not think I'm attractive, downright ugly. It manifests itself in that I can sit on various internet sites and write questions like " how hot I am on a scale ," etc. , even in the context chat with webcam plugged am I asking these questions. It's only when I get " dissed " I feel the excitement, the ones that says i am attractive are not interesting . I've had these tendencies since his early teens , guess it's some sort of verbal machosism .

My latest kink is to ask random girls online who they think is hottest of me and my friend. I send bad pictures of me and good ones of him just so they would say that he is hotter so often as possible. I can sit and "edge" like this for 3-4 hours and then i mastrubate to orgasm to a picture of some of the girls i talked to. Afterwards i feel miserable because i have wasted my time. This happens almost every day after work while im home alone.
I take concerta for my ADD and i belive that the medz make this urge stronger and i cant control it. I have an hot girlfriend and i've think that im wire my brain to this behavior rather than sex. Im consider to be a good looking guy so i dont belive this has to do with bad self esteem but i cant be sure about that. I hate that i cant take control of this behavior and should i treat it the same way as an porn addiction even if this is not related to porn? I feel the urge to do this all the time and because i have an smartphone i can edge for several hours a day even when my girlfriend is home. Like right now, i have downloaded a e-book about excercise and instead of reading the book i use KIK messenger to ask this questions. Its ridiculous. And a real problem in my life.

 

Okay, why remove the thread to offtopic? This is an mastrubation addiction after all, and the name of the forum was "General Nofap" :S

 

I belive thats true. My original post was in the general section but some moderator moved it here for whatever reason.

 

I have thought about this so many times. But I always find reasons to continue, the biggest reason is that I constantly tell myself that "this is not a porn addiction, but something completely different that i can not do anything about" Since it seems that my medication stimulates the brain to indulge in this behavior more than normal. Sometimes I think it is better to quickly masturbate to orgasm then the craving usually disappear a few hours. But it usually ends with me edging for several hours instead. Is it necessary to completely stop masturbating for a period? I've been able to masturbate in a normal way when I was younger.

 

I hear you. My question is what should i do in order to avoid this behavior. It does not help with "porn blockers", and similar software because it is not the porn I'm addicted to. This is more complex. It is enough that I look at a picture on Facebook of a good looking girl and my thoughts goes like "I would ask her these questions, wondering what she responds" Then my heart will start beating faster and I feel immediately excited. Not horny but excited.