Not really a new fapstronaut

well I discovered ybop ( yourbrainonporn the website) when I was 17 , at the end of 2012 I entered a loong journey of rebooting .
the "superpowers" were new to me , I got too enthusiastic and felt like I must use those superpowers somehow.
first of all , let me announce that I'm muslim. in Islam you're not supposed to have sex (or any other sexual behavior) with anyone except your wife ; neither are we allowed to have other partners ( girlfriends) other than a wife. of course pornography and masturbation is a sin in our religion.
that being said, I tried to use my new energy to pursue other goals than having a girlfriend since i'm not allowed to.( getting married wasnt and still isnt an option for me if we consider my financial situation)
after a few months of trying different things I found myself becoming more and more religious, the presence of God was something I could experience for the first time of my life and it was quite a remarkable experience.
then I reached a point where my religious image/identity became more important to me than God/religion itself.
add to that my obsession of personnal development (I read lots of books and watched lots of videos) , basicaly, I was trying to become God , perfect and above all people . ( I repeat, it was an obsession)
anyway this is how I spent MORE THAN TWO YEARS of pmo abstinence.
I ended up relapsing (it has been more than a year since I relapsed), it was just awful , like a murder , I almost forgot what porn feels like before I relapsed, like watching it for the first time.
I spent last year pmo-ing and basically losing interest in life and women .
pornography and masturbation make me feel like I'm not human , like I'm just a penis and some hormones , I say to myself that if I could chose not to exist , I would.
I've spent last year trying to convince myself that I can afford living with pmo every now and then, but I just can't , it's impossible . I've reached a point where I regained the conviction that I must pay any price in order to quit porn and masturbation ( Im ready to do anything, thats it Im done for good)
As a person who had a former two year experience of no pmo , I allow myself to say the following notes :

* the "superpowers " we feel arent really superpowers , rebooting allows you to become a normal human being again . the new feelings and energy we feel is simply the human life within us that lives in our hearts and souls
* do not expect that a ( complete) reboot would solve your emotional and psychological issues
*the addiction pathways will remain in our brain for the rest of our life. rebooting is not deleting those pathways but shutting them down so they become incative. that means that you can completely heal the addiction , yes , but dont let your overconfidence make you think you can watch softcore porn or nudity or bikinis ( you get the idea : small stuff that we might under estimate) because as soon as you see the first bikini , the addicition pathways will shine and fire like they have never been shut down
*depression and lack of honesty/integrity toward yourself( in general) will make you relapse
*dont get arrogant , I did , and abstained from porn for more than two years and still relapsed . this means that even if its been a long time since you reached the reboot , it doesnt mean you should drop your guard . be humble and know that you are actually very weak ( even with your acquierd " superpowers")
ps: it's been a few weeks since I restarted my journey of NoFap , and I'm already starting to feel I'm human again . I get those poetic feelings again and am able to feel lots of emotions whether its melancholy or beatitude . It doesnt matter if its sadness or joy , that only means that I'm a human being , living , breathing and existing. the heart is like an ocean , we should learn to accept it and respect it as it is , thats what makes us human.
if it has been 100 days , 3 months, or 3 years than you havent relapsed dont triumph ( I dont recomend it , based on my own past experience) , you can only allow yourself to feel you've "finished" the battle when you're on your deathbed and you know then that you can die in peace.

 

thanks man.
the post you wrote about your strategies is good, btw!

 

hey your thread about success is awsome !

 

thanks man. I see you're doing very good ( 368 days) .notice that , for me, things started to get complicated and difficult at the same period ( after the first year) . so please , please , be careful! if you drop your guard you won't see it coming ;this is just a reminder