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Not sure where to start but we have a problem?

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by ninapper, Sep 22, 2019.

  1. ninapper

    ninapper Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure how to describe my issue, yes there is porn involved, I would usually look twice per day but over the years there has been all sorts of behaviour, even cheating, the worry part is same sex, I'm not even gay and don't find men attractive but the act is a turn on. I just seem to be obsessed with sex in general. I am married but have very little interest in it with the wife, Its not that I cant perform its more its boring.

    Any read a book last week about porn addiction and decided to try and give all up, first attempt lasted 2 days then went mad and went about 3-4 times in a day, decided again to give it up, failed today after spending all day on an adult personals site talking to women.

    Seems when I try to give up and fail I get even worse. Not sure where to start. Any tips or advice guys or can you even relate to this?
     
    Robinthehood likes this.
  2. “By beholding you become changed.”

    Yeah it happens to lots of guys. Gradually wearing away moral boundaries until your tastes warp to prefer the acid of coca-cola instead of the purity of water.

    Your problem is not with what or why you are trying to quit. The Question is with whom are you trying to quit?

    Porn at its core is a attempt to replace relational connection. Independent of your marital status.

    If you reconnect to another human—- you can rewrite your pornic desires.
     
  3. Esalawaa

    Esalawaa Fapstronaut

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    Men I having the same problemwith same sex . I don’t feel attracted but I still trying to find new stuff all the time when I feel bored with usual stuff z this shit is so dangerous men
     
  4. ninapper

    ninapper Fapstronaut

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    Yeah it's like the act itself is a turn on or something
     
  5. If you're new it's going to take time to adapt; this habit, I presume has been with you for years, so it's logical it will take time to overcome.
    Here's some of the things that help me have a good streak:

    -Limit PC time
    -Read and post on here regularly
    -Read about addiction
    -Have a reason for quitting
    -Have a backup plan for when you're tempted (for me it's a cold shower and see a family member or go for a long drive/walk)
    -Keep your mind off sex (no movies/TV with adult scenes)
    -Stay busy
    -Keep a journal: so you can learn from any relapses and come back stronger the next time
     
    need4realchg and ninapper like this.
  6. Robinthehood

    Robinthehood Fapstronaut

    In my experience there was always a lag between fantasies I had and talking to my girlfriend about it, and maybe doing them. During that lag which could be months, I'd develop a real guilt and shame as I'd be pmoing to them but keeping it from her. Then it got to the point where I couldn't tell her because i was afraid of her rejecting me because she didn't like the fetish, even though I knew that whatever I said she'd still love me.

    I'd say it's essential to get your partner up to speed with your fantasies and desires. Everything. It will take time and guts but as I see it, it's the only way to make peace with yourself about it and also let your wife know what it is you like now. I think if you do that it will relieve some of thrill surrounding it for you.

    You never know what your wife will say, if you find sex boring you can be pretty sure she does too. Might just get things moving again.

    Good luck bro.
     

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