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Notes to myself

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Vairagya, Feb 6, 2020.

What is your addiction?

  1. Pornography

    34 vote(s)
    81.0%
  2. Degrading pornography

    16 vote(s)
    38.1%
  3. Fantasy chatting

    7 vote(s)
    16.7%
  4. Sex stories

    4 vote(s)
    9.5%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. Vairagya

    Vairagya Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. I understand.
     
  2. Vairagya

    Vairagya Fapstronaut

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    It's 24 days now. Urges gone. Slept well. Anxiety much less today compared to last few days.
     
  3. Vairagya

    Vairagya Fapstronaut

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    It's 25 days now. No urges. Slept well last night. Anxiety is still there but less. Feeling bit irritated today morning don't know why.
     
  4. Vairagya

    Vairagya Fapstronaut

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    Urges are high today, 25 day, I will not break the streak. Not even feeling horny. Just anxious compulsion. Need help guys. Today I spent most of day ignoring urges couldn't focus on anything. Help.
     
  5. Vairagya

    Vairagya Fapstronaut

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    It's 26 days now. Yesterday was tough but I survived. Slept well. Today feeling ok, not calm not anxious. Let's hope if I can concentrate today.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. Vairagya

    Vairagya Fapstronaut

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    It's 27 days now. No urges. Yesterday was anxious and depressed. But today morning feeling calm. Let's see how is today.
     
  7. Congratulations on flexing that will power. Keep updating us, don’t let your guard down. Are you doing any self discovery or deeper digging work on yourself to find the parts of your psyche needing healing? It’s not just about abstaining, make sure you help the part of you that felt attached to the habit find it’s way home to be reintegrated into your life in a healthful way.
     
    +TenPercent and Vairagya like this.
  8. Vairagya

    Vairagya Fapstronaut

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    Firstly thanks for your inspiring and kind words. I started this journey with hate for myself. But since last few days it has become more of a war between me and urges, i am not letting my guards down, i dont even have a feeling to fap. Its just anxiety and all, i am not able to focus on studies since last 4-5 days. Today evening i am feeling bit better. Just wanted to update you. I am not keen on masturbating now just I want this anxiety to go away so I could get my peace of mind.
     
  9. Vairagya

    Vairagya Fapstronaut

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    It's 28 days now. No urges today. Yesterday sleep was on and off. Today feeling calm. No anxiety. Will update again.
     
  10. sleep is your most useful weapon in the category of anxiety. its like our brains get clocked on CPU capability and start having freezes and crashes in software when we need to reset, rest, perform a memory dump in the form of dreams.

    how about keeping a dream journal? you may not remember your dreams now but if you start intentionally jotting a note down in a notebook by your bed the moment you wake up i guarantee you will start to remember them. it just takes consistency with the dream logging, you have to document every little thing, even the dreams that were just jolts and a sensation.

    good job! stay on track, but be sure to practice self-nurturing. what are your emotions responding to? what is the source of your anxiety? listen to your feelings and let them know that you arent totally ignoring them stil even after starting a reboot. they will build up again.
     
    +TenPercent and Vairagya like this.
  11. Vairagya

    Vairagya Fapstronaut

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    Relapsed Again

    Relapsing since last few days. This is very frustrating to know that I have a problem still not able to rectify it. This addiction is seated deep in my psyche, it is very hard to remove it or or it is very easy to remove and I dont want it. What i observed last streak is most of the time i was fighting with anxiousness and as such I dont have any urges. Right now also i dont have strong urges but its like my mind is teasing me by taking control over me. What to do friends any advice. I think this promiscous fantasies, even though I know are not real are eating my soul. I am getting irritated thinking about what I am doing? When i will take control of my life? I can see what i should do but cant do it. What is wrong with me? I am addicted to fantasies which are not at all healthy. Guide me.

    Starting again 27 March 2020, 1:00 AM.
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2020
  12. Maybe it is not only an approach with mental strength that is needed, but a more holistic attitude of the problem. What if we are spiritual beings that can become “infected” with outside energies that feed on our energy......

    there could be benefits to having other treatment modalities than purely psychological or mental. Perhaps aromatherapy, reiki, or yoga, prayer groups, etc. could be worth a try. Are you familiar at all with those things? If you are curious about a somewhat straight forward almost scientific explanation of the subtler energy that medical science has yet to understand, I recommend hands of light or light emerging; two excellent books by Barbara Brennan that have been helpful to me through my life. I do not read it like a novel, it is on my shelf for reference and when I sense a need to open one up, usually to a random page that contains by no coincidence, exactly what I had to know at that time.

    the books are available in French, as well. In fact, my grandmother has copies in French which I first encountered before ordering my English copies years ago.
     

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