Nothing works

Player 1 · Apr 23, 2019

Hello.
Simply nothing works. No matter how hard I try. How much self-discipline I come up with. How far I (could) go out of my comfort zone.

The worst part is I know I'm weak, anywhere I'd go on this planet I'd fail, I acknowledge it can always be worst. I keep relapsing but NoFap is not the problem (anymore) I think.

I developped a social incompatibility with everyone and it's really HARD to live.

Yeah you'll probably answer me of course it won't work if you don't believe in yourself. Just to let you know that hope has its limit, it starts fading after a few years my friends.

I don't have any real life friends at 22, I don't work, and I barely come out of my house, it's just that when I do I'm putting myself in danger now. I have severe anger towards people or social interactions. I avoid them, because I've tried for 3 years to speak with people it just deteriorated my sanity, even though I've learned a lot from my mistakes.

It's not as simple as you think for everybody. I went to 6-7 therapists, they didn't help much.

When they ask me where will you be in 5 years ? I can only come up with "I'll be dead". I'm just tired of this situation, I refuse to end up staying this loser passed 25. I'd rather die.

I'll probably hit somebody one day to express my regards to this "social world" I so much wanted to join, and it'll not end up good because I'd have hit the wrong person.

This is only because I cannot build a social circle, nor make a friend, nor find any passion worth living for. Now I just have angriness towards these "normal people". I have tried, I can't settle down anywhere.

This is how far it can go.

I'm tired of seeing everyone happy but me.

Raphael Pereira · Apr 23, 2019

You can make friends here, budy. Feel free to contact as you like, start low man, go for some online chats. You are not perfect as everyone else here. I got a feels days without PMO, and it's really tempting to give up, if that happens, i will just start again. As you, i got a few social problems too, but i set a limit on how far it can make me feel bad.

Other things you may try to make your social skills better, *it might sounds nosense but helps a ton*: spend more time with your family, it includes everyone who is closed to you.

Sorry for the english, btw.

ZenAF · Apr 24, 2019

Hi Razormind

You're in deep shit. No one on this forum will be able to really help you, this is not to discourage you but to keep it real.
Every school shooter at some point was mentally in the same state as you are right now. They simply kept going further down.
So watch your thoughts. You have the light inside you man. It won't go out until you die. It's the potential to become the best version of you possible. Don't believe in yourself, because too much of you is corrupted. Believe in that tiny part that is still good. The part that has kept you from hurting anybody so far. It's hope. To start believing in yourself you need to witness yourself changing in a lot of ways first. You need to reestablish trust with yourself.

You're not that unhappy relative to everybody else because you suck at something everybody else finds easy. That's the wrong way to look at your situation and it's what makes you bitter. It's more useful to look at your psyche like a zoo right now. Lets say a zebra represents your ability to socialize with people, well maybe it's afraid to come out and play because it knows there's a lion roaming around. So basically you could be afraid of your own self because you know what kind of stuff lurks inside you. That's not a diagnosis obviously, I'm naming a possibility. And in that case other people have it easier to socialize because they don't have lions or just tamed ones, but not because they are better zebras, if you follow.

All in all man I don't care if you saw 6-7 therapists. They all sucked. Find a psychiatrist who's worth his salt, because you need one badly. And work through this shit. But you can't do this on your own and this forum isn't gonna help much.
People who go through fire like you do come out way stronger than the average guy of society. Little boys don't make it out the other end, they give in to resentment. Men are the ones who make it.

Player 1 · Apr 24, 2019

Thanks a lot for your interesting and straight answer @ZenAF , it helps when people keep it real with you. The next therapist I'm going to see has some reputation and I truely hope that it'll be the last.

It's cool that you mention that I could finally "come out stronger than the average guy of society" because this is what I always wanted, it became an obsession through years to not be a public loser. I so badly wanted to reach the top without even reaching average that I've put myself in a situation of constant discomfort, I failed a lot and corrupted myself way too much that I developped jalousy, salt, anxiety along with a bit of experience. These feelings make me more nervous everyday, still I trust that in a not-too-distant future things will get better. So far, it is the biggest struggle of my life.

I appreciate your answer, brought me a bit of hope back.

ZenAF · Apr 24, 2019

@Razormind We all go through dark times man. All of us face at some point our personalized form of hell. But if you keep up that self-honesty you'll find a way out.

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Nothing works

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