Noticing the Devilish Voice Inside Your Head

After having been without PMO for over a week, I'm starting to recognize the voice inside my head that has been keeping me addicted.

It's amazing what the mind can do to try to justify things like this.

I just had an urge this morning, and was able to identify that voice that told me to give in. I was surprised by what I found: it wasn't me.

After having a rough day I could hear the voice trying to seduce me: "C'mon, I know you want it", "just a little peek, it won't hurt". I was a little frightened at first because I had always given in and thought it was just a part of me. But really, it wasn't. It was trying to possess me.

I desperately want to end all PMO for good. But since I still have urges, I know there's something inside of me that's not really me, but is trying to control me.

I think it's important to separate your urges from yourself and recognize that they're not a part of you. When you hear yourself say "oh I'll do it just this once, I need it" or something like that, yet deep down you know it's not good, that's not really you. It's like a parasite trying to control you.

I've been trying to treat my urges as if they were a parasite. That means recognizing what my urges are, seeing how they evolve, then separating myself from them and trying to contain them.

There's my rant for today.

 

First of all, congrats on reaching 189 days, hope I can make it that long.

After all that while has the voice diminished? Are the urges gone or are you able to keep them in control, without them spreading?

 

Sorry about your relapse. But you're back on here right? So you're determined to stop this. That's the important thing.

Lately, I've been trying to not blame myself and put myself down if I give in. Doing so only helps that nasty little voice inside me.

I'm not into religion and I'm not highly spiritual or anything like that, I'd say I'm trying to gain more intrapersonal awareness. When I have strong urges while at the same time, deep down, I don't want it, I know there's something I have that's not really me. Separating myself from it and giving it some sort of identity, like a parasite, just gives me an incentive to try to contain and get rid of it.