novibe's Journal

@novibe I am so sorry to hear that! I remember I had 8 dday's (except I didn't know it was an addiction until the 8th when I found EVERYTHING. I only knew about the one thing I discovered the prior times). The lying is the worst part of this, it destroys trust and makes relationships impossible. I hope he can come to his senses and realize he has destroyed this relationship and has to work his ass off to make it right. You deserve so much better.

 

I feel like this sums up a lot of how I feel sometimes

 

Mine originally said a couple of times a week as well. I now know it was PMO at least twice a day, with some P in there just for entertainment, not even M all the time. Also just some M without P he says, too.

 

Not to make light of this, but I'm always stunned at how often PA's fail to delete their browser histories. Especially in a day when virtually every browser available has a "private browsing" option. Reminds me of that Chris Rock bit where he says, "... women always find the porno ... but they don't find it in the porno hiding place, oh no no ... where do women find the porno at? IN THE VCR!" (clearly it was an older special, back when people still had VCRs, lol)

(jump to 4:48)

In all honesty, though, I think it's true that addicts minimize the behavior. Partially we just don't want to own up to the fact that we do it as often as we do. It's too painful to admit even to ourselves, much less to our partners. We can actually delude ourselves into believing that we don't do it that much. Sometimes it takes seeing the browser history in black-and-white to say, "oh ... okay, maybe I do have a problem."

 

Even with private browsers... You can Still view the history.
This is where you have to stop making a smarter criminal.

 

I need to know how to do this. Can I PM you?

 

Oh, for sure. I don't mean to give him an out, here. Just saying I've definitely been there.

 

I would love to know this too @Kenzi!

 

I understand! Do they just not remember because they are so messed up or do they actively hide it? When my husband first disclosed it was " four hours a week no favourite websites with no fluctuation in the amount over the years", to "almost every day and 2 favourite sites" to "once every two days for 30 minutes" to "5 hours a week when out of town, none at home" to "2 times a week at home" it is just all over the place. Granted he has had several weird work schedules but still. I want concrete info.