novibe's Journal

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Deleted Account, Jun 26, 2017.

  1. Sadgirl

    Sadgirl Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    If either of your partners would be willing, "Breaking The Cycle" by George Collins is a great book that discusses tge reasons for PA, but not in a huge suffocating way. It has really helped my husband to identify how he got to this point. @novibe @EyesWideOpen
     
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  2. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    Oh he would read it but then set it aside and not think of it again because he doesn't see those causes applying to himself.
     
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  3. Sadgirl

    Sadgirl Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    That must be really frustrating. So many walls :(
     
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  4. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    He'll get there eventually, I know he will. But the journey is long and arduous. I believe that the addiction stunted his emotional growth. Because he has not yet addressed the cause(s) and found different ways to cope with conflict and stress, he reacts immaturely and often with a quick temper. In the meantime, my oldest is counting the days until she can move away to college next year to get away from him. She doesn't know why he's acting this way, just that he is and she's sick of it. So...his therapist needs to reach him soon because I don't know anyone else who can.
     
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  5. We broke up last Sunday :-( I really couldn't imagine the rest of my life being overshadowed by the events of the past 2 years. I'm still somewhat under the betrayal trauma spell, so just healing that will take me some time. The good thing is that we haven't really been together long enough to have developed anything valuable to want to hold on to (kids, memories, good times, etc.), so trying to fix this *nothing* would be actually rather silly. I decided I can't and don't want to do it, not with this person at least.
     
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  6. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

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    I'm so sorry to hear that. You are right though... this thing always seems to cast a shadow on everything. It discolors the past, it complicates the present, and creates worry when you think about the future. No one deserves a lifetime of this. You have learned some valuable lessons through all of this. I hope that something more beautiful awaits you in the future.
     
  7. DemonSemen

    DemonSemen Fapstronaut

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    Silver lining: now you can focus 100% on you.
     
  8. Bel

    Bel Fapstronaut

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    I wish I had your courage novibe . Instead I live in an angry tormented and mostly confused state. I found mine trying to look up any kind of sex videos on YouTube, porn star pics on eBay and Amazon just after Christmas....like he's cyclic bc it seems the holidays and summer time peak his bullshit....his phone is locked down but obviously not enough . I don't really even care much anymore. I just wish he'd leave me alone. I keep trying to be friends and it's tough and probably impossible after our terrific bullshit summer. Be glad you can move on. I hope one day I can do the same for good. I hope you are not hurting much. You have your family to focus on.
     
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  9. Thank you, @i_wanna_get_better1, @DemonSemen, and @Bel .
    Yes, I feel it was the right decision for me at this point in my life. And yes, I am grateful for what I have learned within the past two years of this ordeal. I do not regret a thing, actually. I have learned to ask for help. I have learned to offer support to others. I have gotten therapy for my dreaded childhood traumas. I have *finally* realized I really don't need to be with anyone to be happy. I have learned to be more open-minded and tolerant, especially of people's different expressions of sexuality and gender identity. I got even braver than I used to be (and I thought I was brave already). I learned to keep my head cool in order to avoid unnecessary drama. etc. etc. Lots of lessons, so no, I am not considering the past two years as wasted time :)
    And on P... I realized people's P addiction/problem/obsession (you pick) is really *just* a manifestation of some deeper, and more important to tackle, issues. I do understand that P is addictive, so it creates destruction of its own making, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. I noticed that it's the underlying issues (typically from early childhood) that influence the most how we deal with recovery of any kind. If you are unable to dig, get scared, get very vulnerable, and put a lot of work on resolving those "primary" issues, then even sobriety won't improve that much in your intimate relationships.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 3, 2018
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  10. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    I'm so sorry to hear this, @novibe . That had to have been a tough decision. But like others have said, now ypu get to move forward and work on your healing without him setting you back. Now it's time to work on you.
     
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  11. Hey friends! This is my last post on NoFap. I love you all!!! I wish all of you happiness and success in whatever you choose to do now or ever.
    Thank you for your support and for the support you give to others. It is truly priceless :emoji_heart:
    My "life" on NoFap forum came to an end, and I do NOT feel bad or sad about that. I hope you don't feel any of those feelings either :emoji_wink:
    Hugs and kisses from the cold!
     
  12. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Will miss you!
    *Hugs

    I'm glad you found peace :)
     
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  13. phuck-porn!

    phuck-porn! Fapstronaut

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    best wishes @novibe - you made great contributions here. Reading the long list of things you've learned in the last two years is amazing! i'm sorry it came through so much trauma, but what a time of growth!!!

    all the best for your bright future :)
     
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  14. Bel

    Bel Fapstronaut

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    Kick ass novibe and don't look back! Is give a million dollars to be you right now!!! May your life become everything you want!
     
  15. DemonSemen

    DemonSemen Fapstronaut

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    Godspeed and good luck @novibe!!
     
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  16. Sadgirl

    Sadgirl Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    @novibe Thank you so much for your contributions and support. I am truly grateful for your honesty, vulnerability, and in sharing your story with us SOs (and PAs). I hope that you have many blessings and continue on the path to joy. <3
     
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