Today was not a good day... Started with me being woken up too late to get myself ready for a special parent day at school. I can't really hear alarm clocks, so that's why the need for someone else to wake me. Then I spent 4 hours in an environment full of 13-16 year olds being triggered left and right imagining how much my BF would be triggered there. I was trying hard to look at all of them with as much love as possible, but couldn't make it. While I was there, I sent a NoFAP message to my BF (yes, we have a convo going on here, when it's difficult to talk in real life) asking him to go read my posts. Some time ago we decided not to follow each other on here, because it only created misunderstandings and led to fights. I thought we need to communicate somehow, and since our face-to-face communication is so thwarted, I thought he could catch up by seeing what I'm writing here and on other people's threads. Then I suggested we talk about it, when I get back home. Well... that did not go so well. After just a short attempt at a conversation, right at the time I was reminding him how his PA made me feel, he just blew up! I mean, he started stomping, shouting, blaming me for dismissing his point of view. I basically just asked him to leave the balcony, where we were. Doesn't he get it??? Me telling him how I feel has nothing to do with dismissing his recollection/experience/memory/feelings. So, we constantly fight and argue stupidly, because my experience is different from his. That's so utterly stupid! My trauma shoots through the roof after these episodes. Today I just went to sleep for some 5-6 hours after that (quite much time not really sleeping, because of my mind racing). Now he apologized for the shouting and behaves like I'm supposed to just move on. Started telling me how I could spend time with my son this evening. I can't! I'm frozen again. I feel hopeless about his recovery and my life in general. Sobriety has NOTHING to do with recovery. The past 5 months have really been an eye-opening experience for me.