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Now have a better understanding of my PIED. Next steps?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by sirfapalot2, Mar 25, 2016.

  1. sirfapalot2

    sirfapalot2 Fapstronaut

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    Sup guys,

    My last cycle of nofap was the best. Decided not to count the days every day. Through trial and error I've found that NoFap works best when you pretend its not happening. It's probably a little extreme to completely ignore the start date, but it worked well. No iphone app tracking. No obsessively testing progress daily. No edging.

    The only thing I did was apply high quality body oil on my cock and balls twice a day to keep the skin soft, healthy, moisturized, and lighter in skin tone.

    I lasted about 8-14 days before one of my high school hookups decided she wanted to have sex. At this point I was ready to test the progress, as I'd hooked up with her previously. The time before I couldn't even get hard with her. I didn't even take off my pants because I just knew it wasn't happening.

    This time I was hard and stayed hard!

    Not sure what did it, I guess the approach I took to NoFap helped reduce my stress levels and performance anxiety. Also the fact that we've been intimate at least once previously helped a lot. Maybe the body oil helped a bit too, but I don't think it was instrumental.

    However, now that I could stay hard, I discovered the "actual" issue.

    I got a blowjob for at least 20 minutes and stayed hard, but I could not for the life of me transition from 7/10 hardness to 8+/10 hardness that is required for penetration or ejaculation.

    I just constantly stayed at a very very firm but not rock hard point.

    At this point I decided to run a few tests: I would have her do oral in creative ways that I see in porn (actually sucking the penis vigorously rather than just putting it in her mouth, licking the tip in swirls, licking the shaft up and down, playing with my balls, having her jerk the base of the shaft while sucking the upper half). This all helped me stay very hard but never tipped me over. It was her first time giving oral and she did well, but she had some teeth action going on and had to deal with a gag reflex. So it wasn't amazing head but it was at least average if not a little above average. This might have contributed to me not getting rock hard.

    Here's the interesting part: I would have her do these things, then start jerking my self off for 10 seconds, then have her put it in her mouth and continue, and repeat this until I eventually ejaculated. However, even when getting to 9/10 pleasure with my hand and about to shoot my load the moment she resumed oral the pleasure went to like 3/10. It was edging to the extreme.

    I edged in this way for like 20 minutes before I eventually got friction pain on my penis and decided to just jerk my self off and call it a night.

    Even though she did not manage to have me ejaculate with oral, I learned some valuable information.
    • I have developed a precisely honed series of pressures and patterns with my hands over the years when masturbating to porn. It became crystal clear that I am only conditioned to ejaculate to these sensations, and no woman can replicate these as well as I can.
    • The first and latest few times I've tried to have sex I developed so much anxiety regarding whether my penis could ever get hard with a woman. And well, as a result of NoFap, I can report with certainty that my penis actually *does* work in the presence of a woman. (that's like 50% of the whole problem!)
    • After the night of this hookup, I went back and fapped to some porn 3 times in 1 day. However what I noticed was that I could stay hard effortlessly to porn. Even after jerking off 3 times in one day. This is only significant because for the past few years I have always jerked off at night on auto pilot without even being hard. This time, I was actually hard prior to jerking off every single time. This means *something* can reliably and predictably keep me sexually stimulated. This tells me that my issue has nothing to do with my testosterone or other hormones.

    These findings may sound exceedingly obvious but I had no idea of the nature of PIED at ALL. I had to narrow down my physiology and figure out if these things applied to ME specifically. And they do.

    So now I am contemplating my plan moving forward:

    • No porn
    • NoFap for 30 days this time. This is likely when I'll have another chance to have sex with her.
    • More research on methods of retraining my penis during sex, like the one I described above.
    • Attempt sex again. Will use lube to prevent friction. Will attempt said retraining methods until I can ejaculate without using my hands.

    Thoughts, suggestions, comments?
     

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