now I'm sorry , what did i do?

While I haven't watched disturbing porn videos often when I was unaware of my addiction, during my time with NoFap, it became easier and easier to forigve myself for past mistakes.

My advice is just to keep abstaining. It may take longer, knowing the kinds of videos you've watched, but in my experience, I was able to mostly rid myself of the pain of humilation and distain of my person. After all, relapse can be associated with feelings of shame and regret which may fuel what you're feeling now.

Perhaps somebody else can give you a better anecdotal example, but this is what I think is best.

 

I know what you mean. I feel the same way. I feel like I traumatized myself for 10 years watch depraved horrible things. The reboot helps a lot. Even though I wish I had never been an addict, what has been seen cannot be unseen. However the memories fade. I have less and less flashbacks and I think about porn less and less. After 6+ months I am sure I will have a completely different vision.

I hope to feel redeemed when I'm cured. The ordeal we go through to recover is like a purgatory. If we're brave enough to succeed, I want to hope we will have paid the price for our misdeeds.

 

My best advice is to actually think about this...to consider why you want to quit. You need to have a emotional connection to why. This is not a job, but something to uplift you. Pornography, is addictive and that is why it preys so easily on those who allow themselves to fall in its grasp. Motivate yourself for change and apply other things to fill up your time with. I even recommend to share this with your family, the insight that mine gave me helped me finally see the truth to my problem. We all have a unique destiny, what do you want to make of yours?