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Oasis of Peace

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by ZenYogi, Oct 24, 2022.

What drives you most towards sobriety from PMO?

  1. I want to live a better life without this addiction weighing me down

  2. It’s a religious abstinence for me

  3. It takes up all my time and energy I want my health back

  4. I don’t want to die knowing I lived my whole life doing nothing but PMO never having lived at all

Multiple votes are allowed.
Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    "The strongest indicator that someone will recover is a strong intention to get and stay sober". -The Research Studies on Addiction


    I really believe I can do it. The accountability group helps me so much. I remember being in AA. Some people have long streaks of many years. They're at every meeting. Always talking about how great AA is and stuff. I read through the AA book twice! Cover to cover. Then I understood somehow. The most important metaphor : They said that some game in a movie the guy plays and plays but can never win. Then he realizes no matter how many times he plays he will always lose. That the only way to beat the game was to stop playing. So he stops playing the game. And lives the rest of his life in peace no longer addicted to trying to beat the game.

    How many times have we all 'tried to moderate this time'? Done it only on Sundays? Tried to only use magazines or something less arousing? Edged and eventually relapsed? Done well for a few months and stopped doing what was working all those months?

    Sat on the cold hard floor with a deep empty feeling of hopelessness and helplessness inside. Thinking, "I am powerl

    The only way to win against PMO is to stop playing with it. Stop sticking a fork in an electric socket thinking the 1000th time it's not going to shock you. And put the fork down. Leave the PMO electrical socket alone. Just get the heck away from it and stay away. Keep doing the things that help you stay sober.

    Sighs. Who am I talking to?

    I sat in those AA rooms full of every kind of person. We were all drunks in recovery. No one wanted to listen to a word I said unless it was joke. I've always been told I'm fun to be around. Some were nice some weren’t. Some wanted to learn and try new ways to stay sober some didn’t. I just sat silently. Waiting. Struggling. Finding ways to stay sober that worked for me.

    I remember Anderson Silva said he wasn’t the best kid at his gym. He got beat up a lot. But he came back every time ready to learn something new. He was humble and willing to try new things that people with experience taught him so he could have a chance to beat the previously unbeatable opponents (addictions).

    I saw dozens of people over the year come in and out. Sober a few months disappear a few, rinse and repeat. The endless cycle of addiction. I saw people in their 50's or older still buying hard drugs caught in the cycle of addiction. First at AA then gamequitters now here in nofap land. I stay. I sit and stay posting daily go to meetings weekly. I do my best. I prioritize my recovery by doing these as my top priority

    it’s tough it’s tiring some days I don’t want to . I try to get myself to do it as gently and kindly as possible

    But I stay. And I stay stopped darn it! As I stay the same thing happens every time. I see a few people staying stopped. Those few at the top. The “winners circle”. I’m desperate to be there. Determined. I know Ill climb that mountain and sit atop it in the winners circle forever. I won’t quit I’ll do it one day at a time one step at a time. One moment at a time

    I’m not giving up ever. Like Emma from promised Neverland. Or Naruto. I’d rather die than give up. I’ll go to my dying breath giving it all I’ve got to beat this thing, be humble like Silva and learn from the old timers.

    Then the commitments made. I calm down, a relaxing peace washes over me. I fall into a healthy routine. Doing all the things that work for me and refusing to do the things that don’t work. Time passes. I see so many people try relapse try again, many of them disappear for a long time. Some people die from their addiction not recovering in this lifetime. RIP. A year passes, I celebrate. I make a call to stay in the groups or move on. I wonder if I’ll stay this time past a year as nofap is the last demon for this Tanjiro to slay.

    time will tell. Years pass in sobriety, life’s calm and mellow. I feel normal. The craving to do something crazy comes and goes. I want to fight people for sport again. My family tells me not to, that I shouldn’t get anymore brain damage or injuries. I know they’re right. Maybe tae kwon do or something a little safer than MMA could work

    but if I live the rest of my life this way. I’m alright with that . I could die happy and say life’ well lived. I stayed in good shape. Had friends family and a good lover. Good career where I really helped people. No regrets

    and I watched a lotta anime and practiced Buddhism

    I always thought the same thing when I saw them come back on Day 0, "I don't want that to be me." When I saw people with long streaks I'd observe them. Read whatever they wrote, listen to whatever they said. Ask them their opinions on how to stay sober. What worked for them? I took in the freely given, subtle energy that radiated off of their beings.

    I felt I could stay sober. A year passed. No one really learned my secret. I tried to sponsor people. Tried to talk to people about sobriety. It was rare that it helped anyone. Once in a while, someone wouldn't really do what I suggested. But just talking to me somehow helped them find their own solution and they'd end up building a long sober streak within the next months.

    I think they took in the freely given energy radiating off of me and found their own solution. Perhaps they had that thing that helps people get sober. A determination to find a way out. Of this trap called addiction.





    I want this journal to be an Oasis of Peace. A place where I can talk about my life. But, always remember to think about the good things. Stay optimistic and positive. May it be so.

    I feel I am a pretty upbeat person as long as I'm taking good care of myself. So I'll just keep doing that and share good vibes with others on here :)

    I know this is an intense post as it's early in my streak. I hope the upcoming ones will be more relaxed. But who knows. I'm the type who goes hard recovers and repeats.

    These are my replacement behaviors


    1. Marijuana (and recreational substances) Replacement: Exercise, guided sleep audio, antidepressants, mindfulness (did one year of AA meetings)
    2. Video Games Replacement: (did 1 year on Gamequitters.com forums). Anime, TV, Movies, Books, music, friends.
    3. PMO Replacement: Dating, having a partner. (did 6 months on nofap video call groups). Journaling on nofap forums. Playing the tape through: remembering what happened the last 1000 times I've relapsed and recognizing it's not gonna be any better if I relapse again. It'll just lead to the same negative consequences: guilt, shame, loss of time and energy. The opposite of my main goal which is to live a life well lived.
    4. Shopping/Spending Replacement: Putting website blockers on for all the online sites I struggled with, shopping for groceries at stores that only sell food (not clothing etc), continually asserting and pursuing the goal of only buying what I need in person or online as cheaply as possible, eating at home 90% of the time. Opening and putting money into a savings account. Reading the book The Psychology of Money which helped me get on board with saving instead of spending what I earn.

    5. Youtube and MMA video Replacement: Watching UFC/MMA/Youtube only socially. Meaning with others or at most one fight that someone asked me to watch. Training MMA and also reading about martial arts/biographies.

    6. Eating out replacement: only eating out socially. (Addiction is a disease of isolation so connection is it's opposite).






    Money, passion and getting things done.
    By ZenYogi Fapstronaut Extrordinairre

    This is a blurb about how to get a bunch of money legitimately. Find your passion and get things done.

    Money

    All you have to do is get good at two things: making money and saving money. Both are to be done in a sustainable long term way. A way you can keep up from now till your ready to retire.

    First thing is to save money. You do this by limiting expenses probably more than you are now. Sorry but if you want money you gotta earn it and save it.

    So shop at a cheaper grocery store. Buy and cook groceries as much as possible. Don't eat out except on social occasions even then keep the food you eat while out small portions as it's usually less healthy than home cooking anyway. Put up siteblockers on amazon.com and any other shopping websites. Put up some sort of barrier to entry on any spending that's gotten out of control or is too much over budget lately for you. Make a monthly budget and measure it at the end of each month. Bank of America includes a budgeting feature in their app under your debit card account.

    Get a cheap gym membership. Planet Fitness is enough. I workout at home with a yoga mat, pullup bar and dip bars. I got a freestanding CAP brand pullup bar/squat rack from amazon for $90, dip bars $90 and yoga mat $30. You could maybe get cheaper stuff but, if I did it again I'd get the Fit Home Gym! which is mad expensive at 450$ but it's dip/pullup and it's foldable for small spaces.

    Whatever you need and want just make sure it's very affordable or you make plenty of money to afford it.

    Make money. Make as much as you can sustainably. Get degrees and licenses. Make a high salary at a workplace you feel happy with. Or at least okay in.

    Passion

    Try a bunch of stuff if you don't have one already. If one passion doesn't work out or isn't working out anymore. Don't get discouraged. There's a million passions around the bend so go try them out in a safe way and see what sticks. I'm into yoga and calisthenics. I like to walk and do some shadow boxing if my body is up to it.

    Getting Things Done

    "Set a goal, achieve it and repeat. That's my formula for success." -Georges Saint Pierre

    "First things first. One step at a time." -Mom

    "You can accomplish anything if you hold to it with singleness of purpose." -Conor McGreggor

    "One day at a time. Progress not perfection."

    Following these quotes is really all it takes to get things done. Just focus on one thing at a time until it's done. You can still focus on other stuff too. But, there needs to be a main focus for the day. For the moment or whatever amount of time. Seek to check mental or physical boxes off. Focus all your energy on one small task until it's done. Then go for something bigger and bigger until you're getting things done.

    Never give up like Naruto.

    My one year top twelve tips for nofap in link below:
    https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/one-year-complete.352895/
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2023
    Jason7265, LivLyf, Panna and 19 others like this.
  2. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    I've been sleepy lately cause I ommmm went hard at hanging with my girlfriend and slept over 2 nights in a row. Also I stayed up later. I feel like the chaser effect happens with my sleep schedule too so I'm going to try to focus on that. Just, making sure to sleep earlier if I sleep late the night before.

    Whether people read my journal or not I think I'll keep posting anyways. I feel like the threads here are a safe space to post on so I like journaling here more than doing it alone.

    Looking forward to lying down in bed at about 945pm tonight. Yoga Nidra a good ten minutes and fall asleep. Yea. Then just don't even set an alarm till 10am. Sounds great. =]

    I just wanna sit and read manga on the couch, I'll have to find a way to make sitting on it more comfortable because my neck got tired last time. Reading Jojo's bizarre adventure right now. It's really good. It's about morality, fighting and ridiculously buff people. haha. Even Karma.

    I find that getting some exercise in the morning before work is imperative to my well being. Including rest days where I must take a walk in the morning or I'm gonna be sluggish in my interactions for the day.

    I feel really cute today in my skinny jeans, flannel and cardigan. I mean it's not like I have to dress up for work as I'm telehealth. But, sometimes I feel like it sometimes I don't. I usually follow that feeling.

    I guess I can just watch anime instead of reading manga. Since, you know. Then I can watch it dubbed and miltitask haha. Of course it feels more authentic when it's in Japanese. But, man it's really nice not having to read every word of those subs XD

    My goals this week are: lie down in bed before 10pm every night, Study 4 hours total (52m so far), and get pizza before my friends come over on the weekend.
     
  3. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    Love your name! Mindful Warriors Assemble *

    It is nice, writing here I'm glad you like it too. I'd like to checkout your journal too sometimes. Is your Avatar from a show?
     
    MindfulWarrior likes this.
  4. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    Day 32

    Woooooo 32 yay I'm super happy about this lol

    It's funny I was like at 5 months before and I felt kinda ho hum about recovery. Now I'm at day 32 and I feel like I'm on top of the world.

    It's because I care more about NoFap today than I did before. I used to be really confident that I had no pmo altogether. That I didn't need nofap.com and could do it on my own. Then I ...fell from grace. And all the good time I built up unraveled due to the chaser effect.

    And strangely enough I'm glad I relapsed. Because I realized how badly I needed this community. How important it is to me to be on here for my recovery. I feel like I can not do it without yall so thanks, sending you love from the back of my heart ;)

    haha

    Okay, I'm setting my intention to end individual supervisions as soon as I feel I'm able to do so after dealing with anything on both my and J's docket. Cause he likes to end after 30-40m and I do too so let's not sit around shooting the stuff about clients unecessarily and get to other things like big chillin on nofap heh

    I'm gonna checkout jeff chan's online curriculum. I think it'll be like 35$/mo so that's doable. I mean then I would probably needa get a mat to put down for solo bjj drills -_- bjj....

    lol

    I'm more trained at striking so bjj isn't really coming as easily to me. But, I want it still because mma is better protection than striking alone

    We'll see what it's about yup.

    So I guess I'll start that up tomorrow. Trying for 1-2 classes a week. I think it's doable.

    My question is. Should I buy the striking tutorial for $175 or the monthly membership for 35/mo? Hmmm

    I emailed him asked for a coupon let's see how it goes.

    I'm leaning towards getting the striking tutorial . Or the head movement one. I think I'd do them both in that order. I awnna learn to punch better

    Ah ....now what?

    Few more hours till I'm off work and then I should probably get to studying. Didn't sleep amazingly well last night because I wasn't committed fully to doing my evening nidra practice. It was a learning lesson as it often is that. Your sleep better be amazing if you want to get good sleep on the bad days.

    For me that's one hour twenty minutes of nidra every night to get relaxed and ready for bed. I'm willing to do it. It's kinda tough to commit so much time to it, but I think in the end it's worth it because whenever I do the full 1.3 hrs it results in such good sleep that even the most stressful days I get good sleep at night.

    Blah I'm gonna try to find more guided nidra tapes on insight timer and see if something can help me get the job done faster. Like half an hour would be amazing. 1.3 is quite the lengthy routine

    However, when I'm in the flow of it and consistent. I sometimes fall asleep in like the first thirty minutes. So maybe if it's not broken don't fix it. And just keep on with the way I was doing it before I got frustrated and switched to reading manga all the time instead :)

    Man I read so much manga tho! I'm up to date with naruto and boruto. Which is super long .

    Oh well, :) such is life.

    I'll still research more Nidra it's a fun thing. Who knew laying still was a skill you could get certified in?
     
    darliamus and MindfulWarrior like this.
  5. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    Cool, Where are you reading it? I've got shonen jump app but dunno much where to get good quality other genre manga.
     
    MindfulWarrior likes this.
  6. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    I've got dollar signs in my eyes after group supervision today $_$ Jezz said to not settle until you get six figures. She said it to Sarai but I was just like, just pretending she was looking for me and telling me the same. Or just taking that advice to heart even tho it wasn't directly for me

    That'd be great money for Zen! My employers only offering like 70k and I looked around and I think I can actually make that kind ofm oney if I maange to find a good employer and switch successfully to them.

    Hope I can do it. Mibs.

    That'd be so much more money. Shoot. Yea. :) Hope I make it there. It's my goal to study 5+ hours a week till January and test first weeks of January. Once the test is passed I send in paperwork and license process starts . Hopefully by May I'll be fully licensed and ready to look for a higher paying job.

    yeppp

    Six figures would be so wonderful ah.

    What's that per month? $8300. Woah. Even like 1k to taxes. 7300. Then what? rent is maybe 1500 food+eating out+movies with friends 500 clothing+hobbies, memberships 300 and miscellaneous 100

    That's only like 2400 expenses monthly that's so cheap. And I'm being generous with food/friends and hobbies. 100 car insurace+gas

    So about 4800 monthly can be saved. I could pay off my student loans pretty quickly at that rate. well, it'd take a year haha.

    Maybe faster if I save better

    Ugh I could be debt free in 2024 . Then start saving for a home. That'd be awesome. Really I just hope my mom does a match on whatever I pay into my loans so I can get it paid off sooner but who knows. She may or may not.

    She's generous with me usually but if I'm making that kinda money she might tell me to take care of it myself.

    That's alright either way. I just hope to buy a home soon. :)

    Maybe by 2025 I could buy a home with bae. It's just expensive to pay rent for those two years, but that's just being an American.

    Alrgiht let's hit the books. If I can get 5+ hours a week through to January I'll havea good shot at this test I suppose

    May it be so and may i pass it
     
    ANewFocus and MindfulWarrior like this.
  7. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    Nice, oldskool. It's good to look at paper books . Was thinking of doing more of that

    Day 32

    I'm tired as a squirrel that just crossed the Nile River. Sleep was not good at all last night because I watched some martial arts tutorial that was unexpectedly making me anxious and tired. What?

    Oh well, I won't be doing that again anytime soon. Was thinking about just continuing to read Bruce Lee's book about Jeet Kun Do. It's nice and made out of paper. More relaxed than videos for me apparently

    I also wanted to read more of the Dharma, 1/3 through the Samyutta Nikaya I think there are two volumes though?

    Oh, sleep. You're so the Macguffin of my story. I was thinking I'd spend like an hour reading before I lay down for Nidra. I did a new Nidra today. It was really cool and you like visualized all these interesting things in nature.

    I remember how we did this is yoga class before and it was very entertaining. Also healing.

    I like what my teacher Tara said. Tapas means firey effort. You have to put that effort in to get the blessing. The Asana's to get the good vibes and feelings inside. In India they put some temples at the top of a mountain. So you have to go through the effort to get to the top to receive your blessing. (obviously not all temples because some need to be handicap accessible).

    Oh...I'm sad that the MMA class didn't workout for me. :( The om, yoga class online has been going really well and I even well for it and completed the 1.5 hour flow instead of my usual 30m-45m flow. I really enjoyed how the Nidra tape said to set your intention for your highest truth and repeat it three times in your mind. Let go

    I intend to live a good life with Cora, was my intention S2. I do feel that's my highest truth. That just being with her and tending to a good life for us is what I want most. For now that means tending to myself, buddha, Cora, family, friends and career. Guess I can try to text mom today. =\ She's not fun to deal with when it comes to money sometimes. Sometimes the opposite though. She's just very serious about making/saving money since she's asian. hehe, It's a big part of our culture. Maybe because it had to be when so many people in Asia were/are dealing with extreme levels of poverty.

    Love u
     
    MindfulWarrior likes this.
  8. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    Day 33

    Okay okay.

    I haven't eaten yet today. I attempted some calisthenics and yoga after but I could only do passive stretching the active stuff was like not happening

    So I am following Simonster's advice and doing my yoga or martial arts before calisthenics. Makes sense so far. On lower days I think I'll start with just one set of each leg exercise and 2-3 of the abs. So I have more time/energy to do things like go walk or cardio.

    Gotta get some more cardio in to get down below 9% bodyfat. So worth it ^_^ I want abs like MMA Shredded. Ommmm

    Just waiting to get my food soon from Moby Dick's, I got a double chicken plate for 18$. That's a good deal methinks. I've begun writing my memoir. It's, really enjoyable getting in touch with my narrative. Writing it so far has helped me understand what parts of my life I've been leaving out or hiding. The darkness of my story that I've been told to sweep under the rug or has alienated people because they didn't want to hear about it. I still do my best to jsut keep things fun and happy with my social circle. However, I find that when the opportunity presents itself, commiserating with others can be good for deeper bonding.

    Take it easy
     
    MindfulWarrior likes this.
  9. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    Day 35

    did tkd with Koil. It was fun, my hamstrings are tired. Kicking high is challenging.
    I still think mma is more useful in a real fight. But tkd does have the whole principles of virtue thing going which I could probably use as I have been know to get too angry sometimes. And then get confrontational and that can turn into messing up relationships or getting close to fist fighting

    so that’s not good. Trying to be peaceful here as per the title

    but there no punching head allowed in tkd only kicking so. ??? How realistic or useful is that….for self defense. You would have to kick them to knock them out. What do you do when they punch you in the head and you haven’t practiced that at all tho. I mean that’s pretty much the go to move for anyone in a fight that or kick u in the balls 0-0

    ah, I’ll try to continue with my Muay since I’m already been doing it. But I’m always happy to train with others in different disciplines for fun and bonding with my friends. Learn a lot of good things too

    I learned about footwork, different stances, guards and clinch holds. It was really good for me and koil helped me a lot to improve my style notably in those areas.

    crap I’m tired for that exercise tho he was getting me to kick higher than normal. A lot higher

    guess I’ll rest tomorrow. Do my four active days and start resting three days a week. I’m really enjoying my rest days now. I used to be scared to take them. Thought my mental health would fall off if I didn’t push it everyday

    seems all I need for that is a 10-20min walk for exercise to stay good. Nice time to do some passive stretching or foam roll as well. Not to mention the extra time is very helpful for cooking cleaning and studying

    thanks nofap :)
     
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  10. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    day 35

    blows raspberry....pffffffff. Crap todays workout was hecka tiring because I didn't rest yesterday. Did I rest Saturday though? No....crap lol. Well tomorrow is Lower then I rest Wednesday. The goal is to rest 2-3 days this week. That's Weds/Sat/Sun. But if I train something on one of the weekend days that's ok. Cause I want to make that option available if a friend wants to do some mma.

    Zen tired. My lower days tomorrow is 30 min yoga, squat and abs. that'll be good. I'm thoroughly enjoying doing more abs now as I've grown in determination to get better abs.

    I already have abs but want them to be as awesome as Lean Beef Patty or Jeff Chan's. It's a lofty goal, but I have good genetics for it so I think I just might pull it off.

    I'm at mom's right now. I feel so much less stressed about money when I'm here. It's because I didn't pay rent when I lived here. Still I'm dedicated to shopping at walmart for things as often as possible and my rent is low for the area.

    That means I don't have to stress so much about it and I can go with the flow more. Shopping at Giant or Amazon or elsewhere means I'm gonna be strapped for cash and that's not good.

    I'm very tempted to buy the MMA Shredded solo program for $166. We'll see how that goes. That's not the biggest sum of money for online mma lessons and there isn't a tuber I'd rather learn from. It's just, buying online training products is very om contrary to my firm belief in staying humble to save money.

    I have a different mindset on money than my partner. Her mom was more flexible about it. Telling her sometimes it's worth it to buy nicer things. Which I believe in, but only as a last resort. Otherwise Walmart all the way.

    I just went to walmart and got some groceries and clothing for 88$. That's cheap. Deal with it other stores. Anyways I dunno about that online program....I wanna do it...maybe I'll just do it now that my mom gaveme $300 for a christmas present :)

    Yep xmas in october I'll take it haha. 170 on mma and 130 on walmart :D

    Just gotta save and get by on walmart and subway till I reach November 15th and get paid. Then I can put some money into savings . I ,ike saving

    Can't wait...let's study yeah
     
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  11. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    Day 36

    Tried out some youtube paid content yesterday. That was ...a mistake haha. My new rule is don't watch a channel that charges 45$ or more for their most expensive paid content. That way I won't end up wasting $200 like I potentially did yesterday

    Work's tough. It's on me to hound my clients for whether they'll show up or not.

    I find a way to make it work and get enough money though. Also my strategy to limit channels I watch that have paid content seems like a good idea. That means I have to -not recommend channels that have 45+ paid content

    That's alright with me .

    I can't just be totally passive all the time it doesn't work for me anymore. Not now that I need money. heh .
    We'll see what the company says. I could schedule all the deadweight clients to 930am but then I'll have to call them at that tie and that's no good for me. All I can do is ask my employer how soon I can kick them off the caseload. And then just grin and bear it while I wait for clients that've been no showing and not responding for a week to no show that many times in a row -_-

    It's upsetting. That's money I'm not making. It sucks.

    Makes me want to leave and go work for FS. It'd still be a pain in the neck but at least that employer's willing to work with me. And when I ask them how to deal with the crappy situations at the job she has ideas of how to run the business that I agree with.

    She doesn't piss me off as much as my currently employer basically. Like not even close to it. She's the best employer I've ever had the chance to work with when it comes to likemindedness. I really might switch to her company once I'm ready to leave BM

    ugh zen is not feeling zen right now that mma video I watched last night has had a lingering angry effect on me thats not good. ....idk what to do right now gonna try to zazen and or walk
     
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  12. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    Day 37

    Great 37 feels like such a big number haha I guess i'm just happy everyday I stay sober on this streak. Hope it goes on forever.

    Om, things blew over at work. Everyone helped me out and was better about the things I worried over. Gave me answers I've been wanting for two years . So that's good haha. Something good came from me getting upset, but the thing is. I need to do it in a professional polite way. Not a losing my crap way. Not that I wasn't PP. I was PP. I just could've been moreso. I like to come across with a kind and loving tone/energy in my emails.

    Youtube issue feels pretty much resolved at this moment.

    I' looked up an article on how to study better. Said to schedule the times of day I'll study. Makes sense. I'll aim for 9-10am on wednesday and 615pm-715pm monday through thursday.

    6-615 is for a snack and just to lie down or meditate for a second before going into the study time

    I'm happy with that schedule. That way I can get my five hours in by thursday get off Friday at 3 and see my girlfriend/friends as well as get groceries Fri-Sun

    best wishes 4 us
     
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  13. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    Hooo

    I’m supposed to do 10-20m cardio which usually means take a walk. I’ll try not to push it though

    my friend koil has called me randomly and chatted twice now. That’s kinda cool. Hope I can keep some friends :)

    man I really love this journal. It’s great :)

    I’m writing my memoir as a narrative therapy exercise. And also my mom wrote a memoir and so did my grandpa that actually got published.

    Idk if mine will get published but I want to write it for myself anyways. So I know my story more clearly. I can get out all the demons and understand what happened without being interrupted by someone whenever I try to share what I remember of my life

    It’s nearing my goal of 10k words that’s twenty pages. I think it’ll hit about 13k before I’m done with the first draft. Then I’ll decide if I want to edit it, expand it or let it be

    I think I’d be ok to share it with my gf at that point

    I love writing. When I write I feel so happy and full of love. Like I can just do it forever without rest or fatigue. I have to pull myself away from the keyboard and go to sleep.

    My body feels stronger today than before especially my wrists. I did diamond push ups instead of dips as I’ve no dip bars at moms aside from my rings

    I wonder if diamonds are better than dips. They build up your wrists more. How about the triceps tho? They also don’t require equipment which could mean getting by without more than a pull-up bar

    I like a minimalistic lifestyle but at some point I need more stuff. Higher quality. I was trying to save money shopping at Walmart but they’re kind of an evil corporation. Also the shoppers turn aggro at night and everyone is trying engage each other in stare down contests

    sometimes erupting in fist fights depending on which Walmart you’re in

    the one near my home isn’t bad but the one near moms is bad. It’s a high crime rate area. Idk if I’ll stay at Wally World or go to giant Uniqlo and Amazon for my shopping needs

    I just very intensely want to save money. But if it’s not a safe means of saving then it is worth spending more to stay safe. Can’t enjoy the savings if I’m dead from fist fighting someone who has a gun at Walmart

    my plan is to just eat less food, but as little clothing and cheap clothing off Amazon as possible . And finish all the food that I buy. I’m eating two meals a day because I don’t have time to make and eat three while still training and studying having a life etc

    it’s fine with me because I don’t really mind not eating. Only when it nears 24 hours without food do I get very hungry and decide I should eat for my well being
     
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  14. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    Day 38

    phew I finished my memoir as much as I feel like Doing for now. It’s a first draft about 36 pages long . Was nice to get out my life in writing

    I know my gf is coming over tomorrow. I’m getting intense cravings to see her. Thinking about how I want to have sex with her this time. It’s a lot. It’s , maybe better if I don’t plan it out like that and just wing it .

    thinking about sex is my worst trigger for relapse. I’m glad I got my group to keep me going. You need to grapple with the balrog of addiction in your moments alone sometimes. “You need your team to get you there. But ultimately you must face the monster alone.”-Nietzsche

    I think I’ll listen to his audiobook collection after Jon kabatt zin. Nietzsches stuff I kinda challenging to make sense of but I tend to find a lot of good lines in it. I guess the dharmas kinda like that. Ah I have been up late every night writing this memoir. I’m hoping to just stop writing it for now. I don’t wanna spend more time on it. I want to get my eight hours of sleep a night instead

    wake up before eight and study. Then go for training in the evening.

    peace out

    special thanks to
    @MindfulWarrior for liking my posts.
     
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  15. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    Day 39

    zen is tired stayed up writing my memoir. I always wanted to write fiction but I needed to write a memoir first. It was brief I didn’t flesh it out. More a first draft summary about 18k words or 36 pages.

    I’m impressed I banged it out in a week. I never wrote anything that long before. If I’m writing fiction then it has to be a light novel. Or just an anime story that can get turned into a manga and anime. But I’ll write it as a light novel for adaptation.

    That means, I get to make up my own anime. That’s pretty cool. I’ll look around for ideas. My random idea is: hmmm Shonen, romance or Shonen slash romance. I like the third idea. It’ll be like Naruto but with more romance. Great

    my goal is to be in bed by ten

    up till one writing memoir till my elbows bruised from resting on the desk. But it was finally done I wrote something of decent size to summarize my life thus far , great
     
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  16. I'm sure this is just for safety reasons. If an expert in this martial art had to defend themselves in a real life situation, I'm sure they wouldn't restrict themselves to just below the neck. You may not be learning how to do it directly, but aren't the techniques you are learning applicable to also striking someone in the face?

    Congrats! That's a huge accomplishment to write 18k words in one week!
     
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  17. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    Fanks it’s a lil book. You’re right they do train the hand strikes really seriously. You just won’t get practice of sparring with shots to the head but those techniques will work irl . Just probably not as good as if you’d had mma or boxing training in the head punching area. Tkd will improve your kicking a lot more than those arts tho and you’ll get to retain your brain cells unlike mma heh
     
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  18. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    omm yea in that light tkd does seem like a good art to practice. Seems a lot safer . Of course I’m not really seeking to go do that right now. My hope was to do solo training using paid online tutorials.

    I bought one and tried it and then got horrible anxiety plus insomnia. I think I could maybe push through that suffering and get comfortable with the discomfort of those videos. They had excellent instruction in them from a pro mma fighter. I just cannot do it right now, my sleeps been suffering enough as it is

    I need all the rest and relaxation I can get. I’m content for now to do my training at home. I’ll have some mma books to read. I got the Bruce Lee one and I’ll look for a Muay Thai one soon peace
     
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  19. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    Day 41

    im feeling triumphant today as I’m mostly likely gonna complete my weekly goals. I feel good about it :)

    been resting more the only exercise I get today is horizontal cardio

    bebes hanging out with me all day. I got up and made us enough food for the whole day so we can just kick it and watch Harry Potter till she leave. :)

    Got about four hours left. That’s enough to finish movie six and talk

    so great having the whole weekend to rest. Shell probably workout some today while I stretch and foam roll next to her. I’m working on my splits . She said she wants to do rows and abs I think

    I was surprised to see she pushes herself pretty hard when she trains choochoo
     
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  20. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    Day 42

    I completed my weekly goals of no pmo, study 5 hours and exercise 4 days. I'm keeping those going and adding be in bed by 10pm starting tonight

    Om, I've been working on non-ejaculatory sex with my girlfriend and what's been working best is just trying to have multiple dry orgasms which was described in the book multi orgasmic man. I don't do all the Qi Gong orbit meditation stuff in it. I just try to have multiple orgasms without ejaculating. It's ....seems a bit of progress in that I realized this things kinda working so far. It's like a little wild and different tho. She just left and we had sex before she left. It was like We did it and I had three dry orgasms then the fourth was a full orgasm. Ideally I would've stopped at three. But, it still left me with a lot more energy than usual.

    I could've tried to do the three prong technique but that always hurts my fingers so I stopped doing it. It's a good sign of progress that I went for a while and did the 3 dry O's. It was a new feeling to have so many dry orgasms. I'll keep trying, but this is a good sign. so I'm happy :) I hope I can make SR happen long term even while having sex often with my partner. She and I really like to just watch movies, have sex and eat food. She has a good allergy so I got up and made a huge meal this morning that was enough for us to eat three meals each all day. So it was just totally setup to hangout and stream stuff. It was so glorious. I liked the plan. I like how we're both homebodies that will go out sometimes. Nice to take rest days from training together. I don't swim like at all. I tried but it wasn't enjoyable for me really. I could try again I just...makes me feel tired just thinking about it. Maybe next year.

    I still deal with like triggers from past relationships with my current partner. I don't much tell her about it unless it becomes a serious issue. I like to just let things be and zazen. That usually helps me be alright. We went to a party and my friend Paulo (who is married and his wife is pregnant). Lightly tapped my gf on the shoulder when we were all talking. And I felt kinda protective. I had an ex who cheated on me at parties two times in front of me. So it was kind of an old habit to be like, crap my gf gon cheat at me again at a party.

    I trust Cora and I don't think her or Paulo would be interested in more than platonic friendship. It still takes a few breaths to deal with though.

    Maybe I should talk to her about it. They say when you talk about your problems in a safe space it allows the light to shine on them and it heals you. Makes them better. I know Cora would be reassuring. Darn I kind of miss her now I'm talking about her.

    The nofap call blew by today. That's unusual. I'm gonna crack like a little more jokes in it next week I think. I really enjoy it a lot. People are generally really serious and that's a struggle to deal with, but I'm alright with it. It keeps me sober which is what's most important in my life.

    Yep that's right. Being sober is the foundation of my life. Without that everything falls apart that's built on it including: my relationships, career, spiritual practice, physical practice, and hobbies.

    I'm dehumidifying my apt rn. Going well. I got 30m to be in bed. That's 20m I can do something.... I think I'll work on my light novel
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2022
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