I posted this in another category and I am pretty sure it was the wrong one so I brought it to here. I hope it is appropriate now. I have been struggling with PMO for almost 14 years and in my times of abstinence, I am greatly aware of the improvements. Yet sometimes, for reasons that do not appear to be consistent, I fall into relapse and suffer from a serious down for various amounts of time. Throughout this 14 year period I was able to lose a bunch of weight, (over 100 pounds, in a healthy way), eat healthy, exercise, go outside in general, socialize, etc. I even traveled around the world, made great friendships and broke out of my shell. During this time I found ways to indulge in PMO and always tore myself apart for it. In some cases I believe it ruined some of my experiences while traveling simply because it skewed my perception of reality. The struggles I seem to have the most trouble with are larger life decisions (jobs, housing, hobbies) and finding the appeal of a relationship. To help paint a picture, because of PMO and other reasons, I have never pursued a relationship. To this day I have never actually been in a romantic relationship. From my teen years until my early 20's I had terrible attachment issues that I addressed later on by avoiding romantic encounters. Now, only a few years later, I still avoid any encounter with a woman that is not strictly platonic. I am absolutely terrified of woman who are interested in me. More times than I can count did I run from a situation or caused some sort of self-sabotage. To be honest, beside PMO side-effects (which I have learned to recognize), I do not know how to deal with this. Now, more than ever, I would like to resolve this issue because there is a woman who is very dear to me and I am scared that I cannot interpret our relationship realistically. It would feel good to be able to share feelings with this person from a standpoint of confidence and not questionable doubt.