ocd/obssesional thoughts

I had a similar thing, I see those odd titles and out of curiousity I want to see what it is, but I know it's wrong so I still do not click on it. It is not that I would ever enjoy watching such content, but there's a little itchy feeling that wants to know what certain videos look like. As long as you don't click it, and you know it would be wrong if you did click, I'm sure you are fine.

Also you didn't search nor click on anything illegal, so you didn't do anything illegal, don't worry.

 

More so with disturbing intrusive thoughts.

This guys work may help you:

https://drmartinseif.com/intrusive-thoughts/

 

Sounds typical of intrusive thought based OCD or even a level to a degree of POCD.

As humans, it’s normal to have a sense of morbid curiosity for information or depictions of the almost absurd but also sadly the most abhorrent or foul things. Even if it makes us uncomfortable or uneasy, there is still a level of “interest” into these things from a perspective of trying to understand. The level of morbid curiosity is different with everyone however.
This is probably why there’s a largest interest in crime stories, TV shows and what not are so popular. I’ve always been fascinated with the crime, and at times I’ve wanted to work as a policeman or study criminology. Sometimes I’ll binge documentaries on criminals, but I’ve stopped doing that because it severely can trigger my OCD. Although not the same as your dilemma, sometimes you feel “connected” or “related” in a way to that negative/bad behaviour, even if it’s intrinsically against your own beliefs.

As for what you did, you did not view anything (I hope?), you haven’t done anything illegal. All you said you saw was a search suggestion (on Google, which is interesting because they normally better filter out their content searches then other search engines). Someone else probably searched for those terms, that’s how the algorithm works. As for “transwomen”, that’s not illegal, that’s just another term for trans women.

Relax dude, it’s a good choice you chose not to engage in PMO anymore. In someways, these OCD feelings could be a sign or a way to kick the habit. As for coping, I suggest you find a way to control the OCD and utilise any activity (that is particularly meaningful) to quell those intrusive thoughts. I know these thoughts make it tough, maybe see a therapist if it gets way out of control.