Hello Guys, There is something that is really really bugging me. Really. 10 years ago I made contact with a girl. I was someone, who always need hugs and comfort. She was 5 years older than me. And she was always like a bigger sister to me. I don’t have brothers and sisters, and thats why I felt alone, and wished for closeness. I got older 20 or something like that, and I noticed she fell in love with me, a porn addict that felt always like a girl never could fall in love with me! But I was shocked, that she wanted to be more than friends. And I broke up contact, did not wrote her, changed my numbers and I was feeling way better, until last year! She and her family moved in another country, and one day I met one of her friends, and they asked me if I did know how, lets call her Mila, how Mila is doing. I said I don’t know, but she got her number, gave me it and I started to write with her, I thought, just ask her how she is doing and then let it be ... if it would be like that. And this is where I wished, That I never did this step, never. I would like to go back in the past and change everything about my life, I am regretting it. We talked about sex, and I wanted to help her, but if would have been better, if she just talked with her female friends about it, because it was triggering for me, and also her. It ended that we mastrubated together and showed to each other how we look like. She was hot, but I don’t like small boobs. I love to cuddle but I don’t love it when a woman is to thin, really Nothing against her, but I don’t like that. And over one year we did it once in two months or something like that. And I asked her which position she would like, and showed her gifs and videos. And I feel sooooo bad that I did that, I really feel bad and still regret that. i know how dangerous porn can be, how it destroyed life of many others, and why did I idiot gave her that drug. And this year we completely broke up contact, and I am glad, but I asked her once, if everything is fine with her and that I hoped that she is not addicted to porn and she is not, I was very very relieved! But thx to the kick, of online mastrubating I started in July to mastrubate with webcam models, and finished it in August! And this is why I regret the contact with her: I wouldn’t have know, how sexting is and there for there wouldn’t be the wish to mastrubate online with girls, if you never were addicted to weed you don’t want to smoke weed. And I never showed some other porn, besides her ... but I feel very very very terrible about it and sometimes I feel good, but sometimes, when I am reminded of that, I fall in a hole and am really depressed, life makes no sense to me, and I would like to end it. But what keeps me away from this is, how my mother and friends would suffer, if I wouldn’t be there anymore. I love them And I don’t want them to suffer, I really don’t want them to suffer. Why I feel bad, depressed and lose sometimes sense in my life? Because for me, it was really Evil what i did, selfish and not respecting the rights of others! Guys ... and to those who read this. I am not a good example but one advise. Don’t do things, you will regret and bear it a long time in your life, this short pleasure, is not worth the pain, and for me, you are also not worth to suffer! Good day! Edit: Now that I wrote everything, maybe I can let go of the past, and be careful, not to repeat the mistakes, that is the reason, why I gave my smartphone away, to not be able to chat with her. Thats over 2 months now, and I am thinking about getting my smartphone back! But my conscience is warning me, I don’t want other regrets, don’t know how to handle that! I really lost a lot, thx to porn! I always think, the my friends would be better without me.