Officially Starting My Journey

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by wanttoliveagain, May 20, 2024.

  1. wanttoliveagain

    wanttoliveagain Fapstronaut


    Hey everyone! I hope you guys are doing well. It’s been about five days since I joined the community. The day I joined, I challenged myself to a PMO challenge for a week. I didn’t go for a straight 30-day challenge because I’ve been a severe PMO addict for the past four years. I used to PMO daily, and up until the day I joined, it was like my routine. I knew it was bad, but I was in total control of my mind and just went with the flow. As time went on, I started to see its effects, whether emotional, physical, relational, or mental. I was degrading in all aspects.

    Then I vowed to change myself, and I found out about this community. (I found out about this community a year ago, but I thought I could quit this habit myself, which was completely wrong.) So, with no other option, I decided to join the community now. I know it’s too late; had I been here a year ago, many things could have been different. But it’s the past, and let it stay in the past.

    So, with full commitment, I joined on May 15, 2024, with a desire for change and entered the one-week challenge. The days were going well, but on the fifth day, I couldn’t control my urges and ended up losing the battle with PMO. I thought I could get over PMO for a week, but I was wrong. It’s not that easy to replace a habit that you did daily. So, on the fifth day, which is today, I PMOed and broke my vow. But I won’t lose hope. I am happy to see that I was able to hold up for five days.

    I am sad about the relapse but have learned something from it. The root cause of my PMO today was overwhelming stress and depression during this recovery time. The urges on one side and the resistance on the other side stressed me out, leading to a relapse. So next time, I think I need to cope with these emotions better so that I can at least hit a one-week milestone successfully. I don’t aim for a straight 30-day abstinence yet because I’m not ready for it, and my mind still seeks that dopamine flood when I’m feeling low. But let’s hope I can achieve it without another relapse. I truly believe with persistence and control, I can achieve this.Thank you all for your support and for being part of this journey with me.

    Day 0

    A fresh start........
    Lets fight this battle together brothers:emoji_crossed_swords::emoji_crossed_swords:!!!
    again and LostSon41 like this.
  2. wanttoliveagain

    wanttoliveagain Fapstronaut

    Day 1

    The day is going smooth and I am feeling positive and stable. After the 1st relapse on may 20 I am fully determined to achieve this challange. Let the battle begin.
  3. wanttoliveagain

    wanttoliveagain Fapstronaut

    Day 2
    Everything seems to be going well. NO urges, no nothing!!! IK its day 2 only but its big achievement for a daily pmo addict like me. Still, I hope to change myself into a non-addict one day!
    BockRottom likes this.
  4. wanttoliveagain

    wanttoliveagain Fapstronaut

    Day 4

    Stable and feeling positive. Sorry as I can't update daily due to hectic time schedule. I will provide update when possible.
    We can do this bros/sis!!!
  5. Congrats on working towards a better life! In my case, the only life, as PMO and sex addiction were killing me.

    I recommend connecting with others, getting an AP, therapist, watching educational material. This fight is *rarely* won through "manly willpower" alone. It takes support of all kinds.

    also, there is a section dedicated here for recovery journals:

    Best of luck to you! Were here to help
  6. wanttoliveagain

    wanttoliveagain Fapstronaut

    Yeah, thank you for your inspiring works. I have tasted the flavour of loss(relapse) when I thought that with manly willpower I can overcome this addiction. But I was so wrong with that mentality. Yeah, I need a AP and need to keep me in check. I was a daily pmo addict and now i can hold up to day 5. I know this is small but for addict like me this is a huge achievement and I am happy about it. But I won't be settling soon so I will keep thieving to get longer period of abstinence.
    cleaningupmyact likes this.
  7. please dont downplay your achievements. 5 days is f*cking badass! not small at all.
    It's hard to remember through the fog of addiction, but there were months, and probably years of my life that I could not claim that. Keep it going, bro.
    wanttoliveagain likes this.
  8. wanttoliveagain

    wanttoliveagain Fapstronaut

    Day 6

    Feeling stable. More than feeling confident and positive. Small steps but guaranteed success.
    Anjum likes this.
  9. Anjum

    Anjum New Fapstronaut

    Keep going we all are with you ..
  10. wanttoliveagain

    wanttoliveagain Fapstronaut

    Day 8

    Going strong and positive!!!
  11. wanttoliveagain

    wanttoliveagain Fapstronaut

    Day 10

    Not a great day tbh. Today was challenging. I am feeling sad and empty, like something vital was missing from my life. My usual joys—reading, movies, and spending time with friends—didn't lift my spirits. The absence of old habits left a void that nothing seemed to fill. Despite a long walk and trying to stay busy, the emptiness lingered. I know this journey is about finding healthier ways to cope and feel fulfilled, so tonight, I'll brainstorm new activities to bring back some excitement. It's tough, but I remind myself that these feelings are temporary and part of the process.

    I want to share my feelings as I fight the struggles of overcoming this addiction and reciprocate the support and friendship along the way. It would mean a lot to have someone by my side, walking this journey together, sharing moments of joy, jokes, fun, and sometimes sadness. This would make the process not just a compulsion, but a memorable part of life and I truly believe this helps both people. Have had a friend that helped me reach to this success as these 10 days are the first 10 days without pmo in my life. For a daily pmo addict this means a lot!!! Thank you, my friend, for all the support if you are reading this.

    Well, I thought to complete this journey along that friend till the end but because of some circumstances we parted out ways. So yeah, longing to get a friend to recover from this addict.(waiting to compete and challenge in a fun way to overcome this addiction along with spending some time in quality chat time with support and understanding) Thank you for your time to read all this. Hope I didn't bore you with this :)
    again and Asdor22 like this.
  12. Asdor22

    Asdor22 Fapstronaut

    I am glad to have read this. You know, if all the days were amazing, it would not hit the same when the great ones come. But I believe that each day battling our addiction is a great day, even if we don't feel like it. So take it step by step, day by day, good days always come and go :).
    wanttoliveagain likes this.
  13. wanttoliveagain

    wanttoliveagain Fapstronaut

    Indeed brother, steps may be small but they are infact compounding for a long run. Rather than being in the constant fear of relapse or pmo disaster, I always try to visualize those happy moments where each day pass with a success, where I visualize myself in 3 months from now without any pmo, that confidence, that feeling of accomplishment of that future myself is the driving force for me. Easier said than done, I know, but got to try. But yeah, need someone along the journey not to feel that I am not alone in this path!!
    again and Asdor22 like this.
  14. wanttoliveagain

    wanttoliveagain Fapstronaut

    Day 15

    The start of the day was good but from the morning i am getting constant urges and temptation. I have been counselling myself that its just biology to escape the urge to watch, its been helpful many time. But today it was not helping much today. So there were no any other option other than resisting it mentally.

    Its been already 15 days since I left pmo. A great achievement for a former daily pmo addict myself. But the brain that used to get the pleasure out of pmo is still not rewired not to crave for pmo. This is my rant only but I am amazed how a same person is wanting the feeling and at the same time resisting it. A way of life ig. Also i can't disturb my mental health to the extent that not pmoing makes me so depressed that I feel suicidal. So, I am trying best to remain abstinence till I find its time to reset and start again. Let's hope this day doesn't come. But for now, it's not becoming hard to resist the temptation hope to recover this addiction not like as a compulsion but as a change in lifestyle. Till then I need to work on a lot of things for sure.
  15. wanttoliveagain

    wanttoliveagain Fapstronaut

    Day 20

    I am so happy with my progress. I am starting to feel less and less difficult to control myself over the feeling of pmo. I am feeling it like more of a way of life than a hectic and compulsive life chore which I am happy about. Never thought to reach 20 days of abstinence in my life but here I am. I thank the community and the people who have reached me directly or indirectly to support me in my journey. Without your support and engagement this wouldn't have been possible.

    I still seek more freedom from this pmo so I will be hustling more.
    Asdor22 likes this.
  16. Asdor22

    Asdor22 Fapstronaut

    It is heartwarming to hear that you are happy with your growth. I hope your journey will continue exactly as you wish, reaping more benefits from your hard work.
    wanttoliveagain likes this.
  17. wanttoliveagain

    wanttoliveagain Fapstronaut

    Day 25

    @Asdor22 Thank you bro. I also hope you are going strong in the journey!!!

    Hours becoming days, days becoming weeks and soon it will become a month. I am happy for this progress. Never thought I would be able to reach this milestone along with my severe pmo addiction. But you know with determination to change for betterment and if you love yourself enough, you can battle any obstacle in your life whether it be an addiction or other issues. At first, I also thought it was not possible for an addict like me to even hold up for a week. But having faith in the process and remaining disciplined helped me a lot.
    I am not stopping here in this journey, and I really want to see where this journey will take me emotionally and spiritually.

    I also wish you to get success my friend. You can do it too. Mistakes happens sometimes but learning from it is the greatest lesson to be learned. Journaling every 5 days make me motivated, and this feeling is what it counts. Not feeling to hold up? Don't force yourself, release for once and then start again. Never put your mental health on the line while doing this NoFap Challange. Rather than counting the streak and days of abstinence it's all about changing yourself for the long run without any mental pressure and compulsion. Enjoy the process don't be its slave. When you start enjoying the process then only you see its wonders!!!
  18. wanttoliveagain

    wanttoliveagain Fapstronaut

    Day 30

    Today marks the day I have been waiting for. Honestly, I wasn't sure I could even reach this point, but here I am. I want to thank my brothers in the Lord of the Ring challenge for constantly motivating me to push myself beyond my limits. Also, it was the entire community that helped me remain abstinent from PMO for a month. This is the first time in my life that I've maintained abstinence after being addicted to PMO, and the feeling is great!

    Initially, I started this no PMO challenge for a month, and today I completed it. I am tempted to reset, but now I know I need to set a longer duration for the challenge because that way I won’t feel accomplished too soon and will be rewiring my mind constantly. However, I won’t give in anytime soon. From today, I will stop counting the days until I relapse and start again when I am ready for a three-month challenge. I know this is risky as the chances of relapse are high. But as a former daily PMO addict, this is a huge feat. I don't want to make this a compulsion in my life, but rather a new way of life. To achieve that, I need to live my life without thinking about streaks and challenges.

    I know I might sound like I'm making excuses, but I really want to reach a point where I don’t need to force myself to avoid PMO just for the sake of a challenge, but for my own self-improvement. These 30 days were just a test to see if I was ready. It seems like I am, but I don’t want to take this into monk mode with a straight 4-6 months of no PMO from the start. I am sure I will relapse in the future, not because my 30-day challenge is complete, but because at some point I won’t be able to resist myself. Feeling horny is natural; what is unnatural is being constantly horny and indulging in PMO, which I am sure is part of my past now. I won’t go back to that hell again. I am sure I won’t give up easily, but it’s my mind, after all, and I don’t know what kind of PMO urges might come after these 30 days of holding out!