Ok, I admit it....have a real problem!

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Abetterbrain, May 28, 2018.

  1. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys,

    I haven't posted in a while, I don't really know why. I guess I'm trying to keep quiet and rack up some days so I can post on the success stories page instead.

    I decided to post again because I have come to realise I am a total addict and I am in need of help. I'm even considering professional help. You see, the thing with my porn addiction is that is it detriment to my health. I have this weird thing that from what I gather is very rare: when I PMO I get insomnia. Now I'm not the best sleeper ever, and this only makes it worse. It's pretty much a guarantee that if I fap I won't sleep that night, and being an addict makes life fuckung tough. I have more sleepless nights a week then restful ones and it is taking its toll in my health and happiness. If anyone else has this problem please contact me.

    I end up fapping then lying awake all night feeling awful. Drag myself through the next day feeling miserable and not connecting with others and vow to myself that it'll never happen again. I set my day counter get a day or 2 under my belt, start to feel a bit better, then relapse. It's the vicious cycle. My longest streak ever was about 15 days only because I was busy and went on holiday. Since then I've not been able to get more then 5 days, it's pathetic.

    I have tried porn blocking, keeping myself busy, I work out almost everyday and have meditated for years but this is one thing I can't control. I don't even get urges. It's almost like I'm possessed and have no say in the matter, then come to after relapsing and am shocked that I had no control over myself. If anyone can relate or offer advice please help. I'm sick of waiting to feel good about life again.
     
  2. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    If it's within your reach financially, I would highly recommend doing so. I started seeing a counselor a few weeks ago, and it has been very helpful in addressing my addiction to porn. It can be very powerful to have a space where you feel safe talking about your addiction. There are even some counselors out there who specialize in helping people with porn addictions. There is no shame in seeking out the help of a professional. It is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength. In seeking out that sort of help, you are advocating for yourself. I think it's really difficult to tackle an addiction all on your own.

    Addiction of any kind is detrimental to your health. This is yet another reason to celebrate the fact that you are free from porn. I have not had any problems with sleeping as a result of my addiction, but one thing that helps me sleep at night before going to bed is having a routine. Every night, I brush my teeth and then I make sure I'm actually in my bed by a certain time, with no more electronic screens of any kind allowed after that point. Then, I write in a journal. This helps me fall asleep because it takes all the heavy thoughts swimming around in my head and puts them down on paper. It feels like I'm letting go of whatever happened to me that day. Then, I turn off the lights. If I still have trouble sleeping after that point, I go out in my living room and I read a boring book. I'll take one of my old textbooks from when I was in school, or maybe even the bible (that might offend some people on here, but personally, I think the bible is painfully boring). I read for fifteen minutes maximum, and usually by that point I'm feeling exhausted. Then, I go and try to sleep again. I think having a plan for going to sleep is a good way to make things easier for yourself at night.

    Yes, I can relate to all of this. Often times, when I was relapsing frequently, I would wonder why it was happening. It sometimes would feel like my addiction snuck up on me like a shadow in the night, leaving me disoriented and confused once I closed my incognito browser. My advice to you is to recognize that, sometimes, your addiction isn't the root of your problems. Your addiction can certainly be the root of some problems in your life: for example, your addiction makes it harder for you to sleep. You said it makes your life tough. You said it makes it hard to connect with others the day after indulging. However, your addiction is also a symptom of other issues in your life. I don't know what these might be, because I don't know many details about your life. Perhaps it will be helpful if you know what this looks like in my own life: My porn addiction developed for a reason. It didn't happen by bad luck. When I first discovered porn, it was in a harmless setting. I was at a sleepover at a friend's house and we decided to look at images of naked women on the internet. That wasn't why I developed my addiction. Around that same point in my life, I was being physically abused by my parents. They would hit me, bruise me, throw objects at me, scream at me, and mock me if I cried about any of it. It was horrific, and I was looking for a way to escape. I started watching porn more and more frequently, because I realized that when I watched porn I wasn't thinking about the horrors that were happening in my own home. I felt safe in my bedroom with my laptop when I knew there was going to be a storm outside my door. I developed a dependence on porn for emotional support (or for emotional numbing), and it just became more and more complicated with time. I'm only just starting to unpack some of these ideas, but my point is that there's probably a unique story sitting underneath your porn addiction that will give you insight into why this is happening. The more you understand about what got you to where you are today, the more you will be able to heal and recover. You can make progress on it, but it's going to take time, and you might have to visit some pretty painful memories to do so. Again, I think this is where talking with a professional can be really helpful. When I came to a realization about my roots, I knew I had to seek out a counselor who specialized in treating victims of child abuse, and I'm so glad I made that decision.

    I wish you all the best on your recovery. You are doing great by thinking about this sort of stuff, and you will recover if you stay dedicated.
     
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  3. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for taking to time to get back to me and in such great detail. You really took the time to think and offered great advice.

    I'm terribly sorry to hear of your abuse at the hands of your parents. By the sound of it you have come out the other end emotionally intelligent and kind.

    If I'm totally honest with myself, I'm not sure I'm 100% fulfilled emotionally in my current, long term relationship. On top of that I have developed strong feelings for someone else and they reciprocated, so I am torn at the moment. Fapping never used to be much of a problem for me, that's what makes me think this.

    Again thanks for your reply and I wish us both the best of luck in our journeys.
     
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  4. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    No problem! It helps with my recovery to listen to other people's stories and to offer advice if I can.

    Thanks. I think I will be able to come to terms with what happened to me when I was a kid, but it will take time.

    That sounds like a legitimate problem, man. I don't know how much your relationship troubles have to do with your problems with porn. I think only you can answer that question by looking within.

    Having said that, I don't have much experience with what you're going through. I've been in many long term relationships, but I've never had strong feelings for someone other than my partner. All I can say is that things will be better if you're open with your partner about what's going on. My previous girlfriend started developing strong feelings for her roommate, and she kept that secret from me. They started having sex, and it was devastating for me when I found out. Things might have been easier for me if she had just told me about what was going on and told me she needed some space to figure out what she wanted with her life.

    If you're really finding strong emotional connections with someone other than your partner, you can't help that. However, you can control your actions and there are things you can do to minimize the pain and heartbreak this will cause your partner.
     
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  5. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    Thanks again. I would never hurt my girlfriend. I have never cheated on a girl before despite plenty of offers to. It's really tough, we've been together a very long time and still have fun. We have loads in common and she's very supportive. I just feel as though the spark is gone.

    I get butterflies seeing this new woman, she is beautiful and fun and when we're together the tension could be cut with a knife. The only downside (if it's that much of a downside at my age) is that she has 2 kids. Not that really bothers me. Everyone I have told tells me I should persuit but it's hard to make a decision . I hate hurting people.
     
  6. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    That's a tough decision to make. I think that if this other woman is going to be involved in your life, there's going to be pain no matter what. It might not be so much about avoiding pain as it is about choosing the most respectful option for your current girlfriend. I think things will work themselves out, but it's probably going to be a bumpy ride..
     

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