OK.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by jfflcrl, Sep 30, 2018.

  1. jfflcrl

    jfflcrl Fapstronaut

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    Here I am.

    I've been watching porn since i was at least 11, although it might have been earlier than that, I can't remember. I'm ready to be done. I can't reconcile my porn use with how I want to live my life. I'm 22 now, and studying to become certified as a personal trainer. I'm in a committed relationship with someone who deserves my full love and attention. I watch porn nearly every day, usually for an hour or two. After I'm done, I typically feel angry and ashamed of myself. This in contrast to the trance like "fuck-it" feeling I have right before binging.

    In all honesty, I doubt I can do this. I have known I need to stop watching porn for years, and I have never gone more than a week on my own. I'm afraid that it's too deeply entrenched into my brain, having watched porn habitually since well before puberty. I stumbled across NoFap while on youtube, the place I generally start my porn cycle, but instead chose a video of a man saying how it changed his life.

    However, I've said things like that to myself before, and ultimately been successful. There's a part of me that believes it is possible. I'm tired of having to think about porn every time I have sex in order to reach orgasm. I'm tired of not reaching orgasm with my partner at all because I watched porn that day. I'm tired of making her feel undesired or not good enough for me because I'm too ashamed to tell her it's just that I've watched porn every goddamn day for over 10 years and it's all I can associate sex with.

    I long to live a wholesome, peaceful, healthy life, and in that life, porn is not present. Do you think I can do it? I would welcome any tips on balancing a PM challenge with using social media and the internet.

    Thanks for reading.
     
    Trappist, Shamgar and itsoverman like this.
  2. itsoverman

    itsoverman Fapstronaut

    Hi. I've also been using porn since an early age, and since the Internet came along my use exploded. It really does start to control your entire sexual experience - having to think of porn scenes during sex, being too sexually exhausted to perform; all that. I think that once we are well and truly addicted, we're essentially powerless to stop under our own will power. That's why having a group like this is so important. The only relief I have ever gotten from this addiction is from an earlier online site (that no longer exists), but having other people who understand what I am going through is super important, because this addiction needs darkness to thrive (it's all about shame). Anyhow, yes, it's possible to quit, and a lot of it is just keeping your behavior in the light on here. There are quite a few guys on here who have done so successfully for a long time.
     
    Trappist and jfflcrl like this.
  3. Hey Jfflcrl,
    you can defintly do this.
    It requires mindfullness and probably the help of your girlfriend. I know its tough to talk about it but you might be surprised how supportive woman can be, seeing a vulnerable man needing their help.
    Wish you all the best.
     
    Trappist likes this.
  4. jfflcrl

    jfflcrl Fapstronaut

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    Thank you? Any tips on how to approach it with her? I've tried in the past and she doesn't seem to know how to handle it. I don't want to upset her.
     
  5. jfflcrl

    jfflcrl Fapstronaut

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    thank you
     
  6. PornFreeMG

    PornFreeMG Fapstronaut

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    There is a thead in here on how to approach a partner. It’s often called DDay. It has some guidelines like wait until you have been NoPMO for thirty days...I found it in the Rebooting in a relationship forum. These were all guidelines in which I read after I told my wife of twelve years that I was trying to reboot after a fight we had. In other words I did it recklessly and should have looked into it more. Not a good idea. It’s definitely worth finding out information about how to do it. I would start by reading though this forum and hearing other people’s stories. Try connecting with others in here and really use this as a resource. I’m 47 and have struggled with Porn addiction since 13. It really sucks. This is kind of a last ditch effort for me but also the first time I have really taken this seriously. So much of it is mental, which is why it is such a difficult addiction to quit. Yes I said addiction. The more you take this seriously the better. (I think) I spent soooooo many years thinking this was just some bad habbit, some thing I could live a double life with. My wife has never been very sex positive, but we went from spontaneously having sex in a semi-public place to no sex at all. Now I’m not sure if we ever will again. But regardless its worth it for me to change myself. Even if the damage is done...and we split apart...I’ll know that I tried. And then what...I am 47 with a 9 year old kid trying to enter the dating world again and still watching porn more than ever??? No way. I want to change my mental state. Not see women as sex objects. If I have to start over...I want to be free of these chains. But that is not going to happen. I am going to win my Women back. And you are not going to loose yours! We will defeat this.
     
    itsoverman likes this.
  7. jfflcrl

    jfflcrl Fapstronaut

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    very inspiring. I believe in you. For me, It's all about improving my world inside, so that I can improve the world outside. I'm so tired of letting porn control me. I will look into that discussion. Thank you!
     
  8. PornFreeMG

    PornFreeMG Fapstronaut

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    Your welcome. I have dedicated to responding to at least 5 people in this forum a day...if I can. It’s a way of being of service. It helps me to help others, if I can. I am by no means any kind of expert. I am in a SAA program and looking at the 12 steps. It’s not for everyone. But I am scared to death to go back to meetings and maybe even have to speak to people...but this might be exactly what I need. I am trying to find things that scare me and take them on.
     
    Golgotha and jfflcrl like this.
  9. So true, I was scared to go the my first SAA meeting. But it occurred to me that if I saw somebody I knew there, that they would have the same problem that I have.
    A Kindred spirit of sorts. Knew nobody, it seemed.

    After 10 months or so, I'm still trying to feel more comfortable, but would be far more uncomfortable not going. Breaking out of my bubble of isolation and losing the shame I feel is so so much better.

    @jfflcrl
    I told my Wife about my P use this way:
    Got PIED from P with an understanding from the NF website here.
    Recovery required stopping P use and fantasy to O with her.

    So I wanted her help as I might not be able to hide it and do this alone.
    We've been married 10 years and in my early 60's.

    Had a 90 day reboot started;
    found a time that seemed relaxed for her and
    sat her down at the table
    allowed lots of time to talk.
    Sought to stay with my heart and love for her
    and if I got a head of myself,
    I would stop and get centered again.

    Sought to come from a place of love.
    and explained my/our situation and how I was going to fix it
    for myself and for us.

    After about 6 weeks of sobriety of reading and watching the videos found here
    I found that I was white knuckling it so went off to add SAA to the program.
    SA is good too.

    Once when I said I might try a third meeting she asked If I was that sick?
    I think I slowly said, maybe.

    But I eventually added that meeting.

    Now I think our Significant Others may lag behind in our recovery,
    so it is important to be kind and understanding as we progress
    and be careful to bring them along in understanding as we recover.

    @AnonymousAnnaXOXO has the disclosure day format she used.
    I simply tried to sketch a picture of what I did
    to give her an idea of the problem.

    Hope that helps?
    Let me know.
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2018
  10. jfflcrl

    jfflcrl Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for sharing. That's very helpful to hear. I want to approach it with love and compassion. My main worry is that my SO and I are young and she's already going through a lot emotionally having just graduated college etc. She really hasn't been coping that well has very low self-esteem. I'm worried that this is going to be too much for her, and she won't understand that it isn't that she's not enough for me or something like that. I'm worried that she'll just retreat into herself and won't be as supportive or understanding as I need her to be in this process...
     
  11. On the other hand,
    she may learn it’s not all her, too?
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2018

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