Old Fapstronaut, yet Brand New and Noob here

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Joined in as member last year, but only interacted with the site a little back then. Read a few posts and continued with the crap throughout. All throughout I kept on deciding to no PMO, but NEVER ACTUALLY DECIDED, and hence never actually executed the plans. Then came Ramadan this year, and miraculously with little effort, I didn't do PMO . And just when I thought I had won, on the 25th of Ramadan night, I happened to come across some filth on Instagram. I decided to probe a little bit more and checked the profile and photos etc. I however held myself that time from watching full on P, or M. In the morning though, I found myself still stuck with the filth in my head. I managed to carry on, without giving in to the carnival desire of M, even though I did, for no reason, take a peek at some filthy pics. And just when I had thought that no, I won't do this in this Ramadan, I convinced myself that I won't do M, but could do some P, as if previous experience hadn't told me what P always leads to. That's what I did, watched some P. The final nail in the coffin was the decision to carry my phone along with me to bathroom, even though I had convinced my self yet again, that I won't M and half-heartedly convinced myself that I won't even watch P in there, as it had been some time that I had watched P. But there I was glancing over some pics. Some more. And then a full relapse. Fast done away with. Another Ramadan with me indulging in fap. The only consolation is, I pulled it so long. And without many efforts. And hence could do it all over again and this time for longer periods of time or may be forever.
 
I managed to overcome quite a number of week urges and a couple of strong ones, but I just relapsed.
How can I not relapse?
I somehow have to not relapse
 
Hi Cheetah, I'm sorry to hear about the relapse, I've been there too, so you're not alone. We mustn't lose hope just because our failures. Personally, I no longer assume I've won, but I don't see this a loss of hope... it's an attitude that keeps me alert to my own weaknesses. Without this attitude I probably would have relapsed so many more times than I actually have.
 
Personally, I no longer assume I've won, but I don't see this a loss of hope... it's an attitude that keeps me alert to my own weaknesses.
Click to expand...
That is so apt a statement; a fact. The feeling of having won does make one complacent, and careless. In my case, I would rather say that I had become even haughty to some degree, thinking that I am over this teenage stuff of PMO, not realising the patterns in brain made since childhood won't just leave in 20 or so odd days. I let the guard down.
The good thing is that after yet another failed attempt, I have joined a 100 day no PMO Spartan Challenge, and God Willing I am going to go all out and rescue myself.
 
ChangedCheetah said:
That is so apt a statement; a fact. The feeling of having won does make one complacent, and careless. In my case, I would rather say that I had become even haughty to some degree, thinking that I am over this teenage stuff of PMO, not realising the patterns in brain made since childhood won't just leave in 20 or so odd days. I let the guard down.
The good thing is that after yet another failed attempt, I have joined a 100 day no PMO Spartan Challenge, and God Willing I am going to go all out and rescue myself.
Click to expand...
Having read your story - made a conclusion, you will achieve the aim. You just don't have to look back at the past.
It never helps. Today, and future is your motivation. It's not a shame to make mistakes - the biggest mistake is not to admit them. Those are the first steps, but I needed much time too.
Good luck, together we are strong!
 
Basic Element said:
Having read your story - made a conclusion, you will achieve the aim. You just don't have to look back at the past.
It never helps. Today, and future is your motivation. It's not a shame to make mistakes - the biggest mistake is not to admit them. Those are the first steps, but I needed much time too.
Good luck, together we are strong!
Click to expand...
Thank you for those kind words, and Amen to your conclusion
 
ChangedCheetah said:
How can I not relapse?
I somehow have to not relapse
Click to expand...
Hello @ChangedCheetah, many things add to the jigsaw of recovery. One item is asking the right questions. How can I not relapse is not the best question to ask cause the brain cannot not. You need to ask questions that lead to what you want. Like:

  • How can I stay sober and clean?
  • What can I do to thrive?
  • What healthy behavior gives me the thrills?
  • What kind of man do I want to be?
  • What are my values?
  • What behaviors do I need to foster in order for me to heal?
  • What does a healthy life I want to live look like?
  • etc.
Then, watch your thoughts, your self-talk. What thoughts keep coming over and over again? I am a failure. I can't do that. I am too weak. I am stupid.

Change that talk for a better one.

And imagination, visualisation is a big tool cause that addresses the unconscious ... the limbic part. For example: Imagine a plant or an animal that has the qualities you would need to stay on track? Picture that. Or picture the ideal version of yourself and hold that close to your heart.
"The best way to predict the future is to create it", Joe Dispenza said.

Another thing is when images come that are overwhelming you, shrink them, place the somewhere out there, away from you, make them small ... Play with your imagination.

Hope some of this resonates with you and is of any help. Stay strong and thrive :)
 
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kammaSati said:
Hello @ChangedCheetah, many things add to the jigsaw of recovery. One item is asking the right questions. How can I not relapse is not the best question to ask cause the brain cannot not. You need to ask questions that lead to what you want. Like:

  • How can I stay sober and clean?
  • What can I do to thrive?
  • What healthy behavior gives me the thrills?
  • What kind of man do I want to be?
  • What are my values?
  • What behaviors do I need to foster in order for me to heal?
  • What does a healthy life I want to live look like?
  • etc.
Then, watch your thoughts, your self-talk. What thoughts keep coming over and over again? I am a failure. I can't do that. I am too weak. I am stupid.

Change that talk for a better one.

And imagination, visualisation is a big tool cause that addresses the unconscious ... the limbic part. For example: Imagine a plant or an animal that has the qualities you would need to stay on track? Picture that. Or picture the ideal version of yourself and hold that close to your heart.
"The best way to predict the future is to create it", Joe Dispenza said.

Another thing is when images come that are overwhelming you, shrink them, place the somewhere out there, away from you, make them small ... Play with your imagination.

Hope some of this resonates with you and is of any help. Stay strong and thrive :)
Click to expand...
Thanks. Not some, all of it does resonate.
 
Just wanted to put it there for the likes of me wondering how best to use it. I am not at all going to tell you how to use the platform to the full or in the best way possible (I don't know that myself). What I do intend to put out there is that, join a thread where you come back and check in for every successful day. Make it a ritual. Come what may, failure or success, you check in and make an entry for the day. Believe me, more often than not, the chances are that as soon as you get some thoughts in your head, or urges, the very thought of posting streaks in the thread will help ward off by the evil thoughts of surrendering to your bad habits, your whims and fancies. Instead, you can easily divert your mind and start thinking about how you are going to describe to others on the platform about how you controlled, and why checking in everyday helps.
 
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