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Old struggle, new member

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Boglesnurf, Mar 30, 2019.

  1. Mar 30, 2019 #1
    Boglesnurf

    Boglesnurf New Fapstronaut

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    Hi All,

    65 year old male, disabled/retired, bored as hell and not able to do a whole lot (part of the problem, I'm sure,) and finally had enough of something other than me running my life. Been using porn in one form or another since I was about 11, and frequently.

    I have an "addictive personality," in that anything I find that I like, I jump in headfirst and totally immerse myself in it. Music, porn, martial art, machining, alcohol, you name it. Moderation seems to be something I just don't know how to achieve; I'm totally binary: all or nothing; don't know how to be any other way. I'll spend hours and hours doing whatever I'm doing (or, if I just can't spend a lot of time, then doing it as frequently as is possible.) The only way I can regulate things is to keep one eye on the clock... but how long is enough? Normal people don't run around with one eye on the clock, timing what they do, do they? Seems I have to, though.

    I find myself fighting on multiple fronts: I've been active in AA for 18 months; I was oxycontin *and* oxycodone for moderate/severe low back pain, and of course, that went like everything else does. Real great combination, alcohol and opioids. Managed to dump the opioids (worker's comp carrier just decided to stop paying for the clinic and prescriptions, so I had to find another way to deal with pain management.) They were doing me a favor, actually... probably'd kill 'em if they knew that!

    The alcohol was another matter. Not my first go-round with alcohol abuse. This time around I have their program, which has led me to other things as well (Eckart Tolle, Buddhism, counseling,) and things are going well on that front.

    Which left the porn. Deleted my whole collection.... then pulled it out of the "recycle bin" and restored it. Then did it again, and this time emptied the recycle bin. Did the same thing with my phone (android), and promptly filled it back up again. Then deleted it again. I've got whiplash from all the back and forth! The stuff is just too easy to find/watch. Got really fed up with not being able to control my own actions (and thoughts, which is worse,) and opened this account here. If others can do it, I guess I can too.

    Thanks for listening, and thanks in advance for all the help to be found here.
     
    Boglesnurf, Mar 30, 2019
    Boglesnurf, Mar 30, 2019
    #1
  2. Mar 30, 2019 #2
    zahirulopel

    zahirulopel Fapstronaut

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    ok
     
    zahirulopel, Mar 30, 2019
    zahirulopel, Mar 30, 2019
    #2
  3. Mar 30, 2019 #3
    Rubzi

    Rubzi Fapstronaut

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    Mate if you're going to respond to someone be atleast somewhat supportive and try to understand their situation. I'm not sure if an "ok" really helps that much.

    ..
    Anyways welcome to the forums!

    I recognise the problem of having your own collection and afraid of letting that go. Did manage to do it a couple of years ago though but i know how you feel. It's like keeping a deposit for when you're really craving and something comfortable to get back to. However the big problem is that porn does the opposite for you, sure it gives you 5 seconds of "comfort" when it happens, but in the long run you're having all these struggles within yourself as a result of that. In order to make significant changes for the best for yourself you've got to let go, including the PMO habit we're all fighting in here.

    Anyways, be sure to use the resources this forum provides, read up on people their story's, reply every now and then and keep yourself active in here, it really helps to keep up the motivation to keep this going and not falling back into your old ways. Set yourself a goal, make short term plans using a method like S.M.A.R.T and don't give in to your cravings!

    If you're looking for more support, there's plenty of AP (groups) you can talk and group up with.

    I wish you the best of luck and many strength in your fights!
    You can do this!
     
    Rubzi, Mar 30, 2019
    Rubzi, Mar 30, 2019
    #3

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