Celibacy and singleness don't necessarily go always together. It's possible to be celibate and be in a romantic relationship at the same time. As this forum is about celibacy, I wanted to ask you what are your thoughts on celibacy and being in a romantic relationship. Are you in a relationship? Would you be in a relationship without sex? I'll tag some people who has been active during the past few months to get us started: @Brahmacharya_UK, @eevahnits, @Impulsive30, @ndrew, @supreme27, @Casa grande, @Ascending_Light, @XSayanLifeX, @rock_lee, @Determined81, @wcssim, @sherlock@221b By the way, these thoughts were inspired by a book I'm reading 'Happy to be Single: The Pleasures of Independence', by Liz Hodgkinson.
Hi @pancabalani I consider and live celibacy in the way that Catholic church understands it. I gave myself completely to God many years ago. My sexuality belongs to God now, and I am not willing to betray Him. So, for me it is not possible to be in a relationship. Also because of this fact, I'm fighting against PMO, as an habit that doesn't belong in the life I choose to live. I hope it helps!
@Impulsive30 Thanks for your answer. I see what you mean. I'm also committed to a spiritual path (I'm a Buddhist), and understand the value of celibacy to further spiritual growth. That was one of my primary motivations to stop watching P in January 2019. I felt it didn't go well with what I was trying to cultivate. Actually, by watching P i was running in the opposite direction of my most important goals. When I framed it like that it was easier to let go. Is it anything I could help with? Let me know. May you have the strength to fight and defeat PMO!
It is a little bit difficult for me. I have a girl in my life that I love. She also wants me in her life, but keeping a distance and without any sexuality. We are in a deeper friendship, but nothing "fleshly". In my life, I always was curious about celibate life, I was really interested in why others choose this. But I never really could decide, that relationship (marriage) or celibacy is better. And it seems now, God maybe wants to give me both gift. It means I have to live in abstinence and find happiness in single life, but I am not fully alone. I am happy in this state, but resisting the temptaions sometimes really hard.
Well, in my case, it has nothing to do with religion. I just like being on my own. And I don't feel good about MO. However, if I met my soulmate, someone who I really click with, I'd be open for a romantic relationship..
Yes, that's the third option. Marriage + celibacy. If your future partner is on the same page on keeping celibacy, it should be doable Being in a committed relationship (celibate or not) sounds much better and healthy than being single and indulging in PMO. What do you think @ndrew?
Celibacy is a spectrum in itself. There are different grades of celibacy. It also can depend on the reason why one taken on a life of celibacy. To make things simple we can divide celibacy into two broad categories - secular and spiritual/religious. Being in a relationship and being celibate are not always completely mutually exclusive. Even though I have not personally met couples who practice celibacy I have heard that such couples to exist. Also couples may be celibate for a certain period of time every week or every month. From a Buddhist point of view it is generally encouraged even for lay people to be celibate at least 4 times a month. Some couples may only engage in sex once a week or once a month whiles some may decide to be that way indefinitely. There are also relationships which practice love making without the requirement for penetration. This includes methods such as karezza which include non-ejaculatory, non-penetrative love making. Some couple may not engage in love making at all and their relationship will be based on other similarities such as mutual spiritual development. For Buddhist couples who are either not interested in having children or who have already made their children this can be a very good option. Being in a relationship and being celibate can be a challenge because it can be possible through one of two ways. Either one who is celibate to begin with who is planning on getting into a non-sexual relationship has to find someone who also likes to be in a relationship as long as it is non-sexual and this possibility is very rare. However because of online dating it is more possible than it used to be, because matched can be made according to the requirements of the participants of the online dating communities. Given that a life of celibacy tends to be intertwined with one's religious beliefs its usually those who are followers of the same religion (usually the same school/sect within the religion) who are celibate are very much likely to have a successful long term celibacy-oriented relationship without the least chances of breaking apart. If we go further into religious/spiritual point of views, one may find that celibacy may be part of the package of a lifestyle which involves total mental discipline by letting go of all sense pleasures. As a Buddhist, Brahmacharya is recommended as a helpful aid for enlightenment. Brahmacharya can have different meanings in other Asian religions (such as Jainism and Hinduism). In Buddhism, to be a Brahmachari is to let go of living a life of sense pleasures through all the 6 sense bases which also encompasses celibacy. Buddhist Brahmachari couples may live a life of abstaining from entertainment and other types of activities which bring pleasure to the senses (such as the desire for tasty food or a good massage etc). This is not to say that sense pleasures are a bad thing. Its just that from a Buddhist point of view, sense pleasures can give the false impression that sense pleasures are the best type of experience that we can get, when actually we can go above and beyond that. But in order to do that we need to let go of sense pleasures. In other religions they may have their own standards which can have its benefits. In Buddhism, as a bare minimum, couples may take the 8 Precepts indefinitely which includes the upgraded version of the 3rd Precepts which is to abstain from all types of intentional sexual activity as well as the 7th Precepts which includes abstaining from all forms of pleasures that arise at the level of the 6 sense bases (eye, nose, tongue, ears, body and mind). Speaking about myself, I am currently a postulant living in a Buddhist monastery, being under observation for a period of a minimum of 1 year before being admitted to the monastic community as a Novice (Samanera) and then after 1 year of being a Novice whiles being under observation from the community, if my conduct is satisfactory then I may get accepted into the community as a Monk (Bhikkhu). As a postulant (Anagarika) I am under the 8 Precepts (includes celibacy as well as avoiding all forms of entertainment such as music, films etc). If one makes it to being a fully ordained Monk (Bhikkhu) and then engages in self-pleasures with intentional emission of semen, then this will result in a meeting of the monastic members where the offender has to spend a period of time in penance. It is a serious offence to MO. If one engages in sex as a fully ordained monk then this is a disrobing offence and the offender will no longer be allowed to be a fully ordained monk within that lifetime. If one commits these offences and keep it secret then this has bad consequences (in Buddhism we call this extreme bad karma). There are also other monastic rules to prevent the degeneration of celibacy such as rules to prohibit touching of women for male monastics
